BF caught cybering w/guys

I have a unique relationship w/BF of 1 1/2 yrs. We have both had bi-experiences prior to our relationship. We discussed this numerous time and have played together in a variety of senerios(mostly couples). When we committed to each other we agreed we would only "play" together. Which brings me to my problem... I caught my BF having phone and cyber sex with other guys. When confronted he did not deny what was going on and just said he did not understand why he felt the need to do this. He travels quite a bit and this only happens when he is gone. I feel very betrayed because we agreed to only experience things together. Sometimes I feel he is not honest with himself about his sexual orientation because I have asked for phone sex and he would not. The only thing that makes me doubt that is he fact that our sex life is very strong when together. I do not think a man that is in denial about his orientation could be a caring lover with a female. Any advice or comments helpful.

So sometimes you wonder if he's not bisexual, but gay?

I dated someone who told me he considered himself bisexual, though he hadn't done anything with a guy to that point, but was open to the prospect of a same sex relationship. Our 'sex' life was very good. . .albeit he was a virgin and so we had to be creative . . . Anyway, I sometimes wondered if it was possible that he really was attracted to men, and really was just using me for sexual pleasure, and not necessarily was physically attracted to my femaleness. I guess I don't have much experience with your problem, but I am wondering if caring lover means a good lover, or an attentive lover, or other, to you? Just because in my experience the guy always made my body feel great, yet I still felt something essential was missing, that markedly Male element. . .I'm sure that sounds strange and confusing. . .. I guess I just felt sometimes that he really did not desire my womanness like a man usually does. . .

Anyway, all this could be my imagination and yours is certainly rooted in reality, being that you actually caught him cybering. I guess the only thing I would rely on is communication. Talk to him, try to be as open and honest as YOU can, and hopefully he will feel the same comfort level telling you what is going on with him.

I understand your insecurity. My boyfriend and I have been together three and a half years now, and this is still something that bothers me. We are both bisexual, but I think misses guys more than I miss being with women. Maybe because I AM a woman...

Anyway, I was much more leniant about everything when our relationship was newer. I think it's because there was less time I'd invested in it, less of my life. There was even a point where I let him have a guy friend from the internet come to visit us and spend the night with him. I didn't care so much then because I knew he loved me... but somewhere along the line my jealousy has grown.

What gets me the worst for some reason is the cyber sex. I have nearly broken up with him over it, the pain has been so bad. I don't know how RIGHT is is of me, to have allowed physical sex at one point and now I am forbidding him to have cyber sex.. but it just makes me feel bad. I tried and tried to allow it, but it just makes me so insecure and crazy feeling like I'm not enough.

I don't know what to do about it... I don't know if he is still doing it inspite of our massive fights over it. The urge to search his computer is always strong, since he has made promises we've compromised and still he's broken his word repeatedly. We hardly ever fight, except for this issue! It's really ridiculous... otherwise I am so happy with him.

I know I'm not answering your questions, just validating your fears. For that I'm sorry, but I haven't found my own answers yet.

~ TH