i want a child

this might sound crazy and u can put me down if u want but i want my ex to give me a child it made and i havnt asked him dont think i ever will its just how i feel, u see im 19 and would love to have a child i want to be a single mother but i dont want to go out have sex with some guy i dont even know so i can fall pregnent

the reason for me saying i want it to be my ex's child is so if the chils wishes to when its older can know its father

any ideas on what i could do????? plz help

I am sure you will get plenty mixed reponse to this post.

Whether you want this or not, your ex, is the one that has to make the hard choice.

He will have a child that he wont be able to participate in its raising, unless he uses legal action for which he can.

Your ex. will be bound legally for child support, even if you write up a contract before hand, later on you could take him to court, the courts always rule in favor of the child.

Doing this with you, could have an interference with him and other women in the future, as some may not understand why he would participate in something of this nature.

In other words He has nothing to gain, and plenty to lose.

frankly I wouldnt do it, if i want a child, (and i will have another), it will be with my future wife and we will enjoy raising him/her together. I will share in the responsabilities and JOYS.

So if he agrees to this, he is a fool, in my book.

If you go through with this, I hope you have considered all the complications of raising a child on your own, and if you think youll never fall in love again, your wrong, and that new love, will probably want to have a child with you.

Is this really about having a baby? or is it you want some kind of attachment to your Ex, to keep him involved in your life? I cant help to think, there is something more to this, than a 19 year old that thinks she will never will have another man in her life, and wants to have a baby with her Ex.

No, No, No. I wouldn't do it. I know you want to be a mother, but at 19 you have plenty of time left. Trust me. Lots of time. Enjoy your youth while you still have it. There's no getting that back after a child. What if Mr. right is just around the corner? You can have a baby then. There's so much time!! People told me the same thing when at 19, I said I wanted to get married. That's what I wanted. I didn't want to hear all the 'enjoy your youth crap'. So I married at 20. I can't say I regret it terribly, but I missed my youth. Missed the whole darn thing. I'm 29 and feel 19. I could have easily gotton married at 29. There was no rush. But hindsight is always best.

I have two kids, ages 2 and 3 and they are the best. If anyone asks me for advice, I always say "WAIT". You can always have children. You are only 19!!! You don't have to find 'some guy' to have a child. In the next 5 years I can almost guarantee you that you will meet at least 10 men you like better than your ex right now. It's hard to see, but trust me.

I would wait. Motherhood is hard. It's tiring and you must drop everything and be completely selfless. It's very rewarding, but HARD. Please, enjoy your youth, be single, date, discover yourself, change jobs, travel to Europe on the youth hostle program, live alone, live with a new man...enjoy your life without children while you still can. There's sooooooo much time ahead of you for that. Get a puppy or kitten to take that urge away and if you know any mothers with young babies/toddlers, offer to babysit and give them a break. They will be forever grateful and love you to death!! Offer to sit so a mom can shop alone, get her nails done or just get some free time to herself. She will benefit and so will you.

Good Luck!!

Hi there, So I am getting that you want a baby. And you are right...I could lecture a tad. But I will go ahead and assume you understand the money involved, the dedication involved and the stress involved. I will assume you know having a baby because you want one, is not a great reason.

So there are options, you can talk to him...though just because you know him now...does not mean he would want anything to do with a baby..now or in the future. It would be more likely that he wants nothing to do with any of it. But cannot hurt to ask....

If you are financially secure, then there are options of adoptions and invetro fertlization.

If none are an option. I think then the world is telling you its not time.

I know it's not the same thing at all, but have you thought about maybe being a Big Sister? That might give you some of what you're looking for without making a huge life altering step. It's something you can try short or long term to see if it's got any rewards for you. I realize you're not going to end up with a little baby who is 100% dependant on you, but it might give you somebody to focus some maternal love and affection on. Just a thought.

Love what the hell are you doing?

I mean kids there crazy. wait you silly girl, damn...... I just had a thought my best friend in having a child who is 19 and girlfriend 18 and im tottaly supportive so I guess saying that is kind of hypocritical.

But still its not right, I mean your ex could be a rocket scientest with the greatest brains, a big wallet and an awesome face but it still does not justify having a child. You say you want to be a single mum? Trust me its not cool, I have come from a single mum family and its hard, not just on kid but the mum also. My mother was always making sacrafises for us are you willing to pretty much give up everything for your child? to have it with someone who you cannot share it with?

Also its better if you find someone you want to be with because that kind of thing is best shared with someone, just wait im sure your bound to find someone from your picture your stunning, hit the clubs, places where people hang out there is bound to be a guy who you can like who is ready to have a child, and if he is not ready im sure your willing to find you will wait for him.

Damn this is long I hope you take this subject seriously, man I feel wise for someone who is 18

Babies are cute and cuddly sure...when they are someone elsees. Hun, I'm 19, and yeah, sometimes I get that urge for motherhood, but babysit someone else's kid for a day, and it will go away quickly.

And why oh why would you want to have your ex's child??? He's your ex, obviously things didn't work out with him, why would you want a child from him? It sounds to me like you had a bad break up and you are still clinging to the idea of him and you together. having a baby that could well be the spitting image of him, is not going to help the healing process.

And your ex would be crazy to do anything like that.

Being a single mom is not easy. Since you and I are the same age, I feel I have a right to say this. We don't know the first thing about caring for a baby. I personally know I am not ready to give up my life for a child right now. Call me immature, or maybe call me smart, but having a child is just not something that I want to do and it shouldn't be something you want to do either.

Question: what would your parents think about you having a baby and being single? Not only that, but using your ex to do it??? You can't pawn this baby off on your mother and only take care of it when it suits you. How on earth do you plan to support the baby by yourself? You have to work to make money and it's not easy to work with a baby!

Please please please, take it from a peer, this is NOT what you want. I know too many people who made a mistake and got pregnant. They're lives are not easy. Sure, they are making it by, but not by choice and some of them are now married! Think about this long and hard before you do it. Motherhood can wait, your biological clock cannot be ticking that loudly at only 19.

I am sure you will be a great mother. However, you need to understand that by you wanting a child now at a young age with no husband you are being selfish. It takes a really good person to realize that yes they want a child but that it will be smart to wait this way the child can have everything they deserve. It is hard being a single mom especially at 19 it is a big financial and mental responsibility. Trust me you should wait.

id just like to thank you all for your replys they have been very helpful, a few of you pointed out that maybe wanting to have the child with my ex is me wanting to be attached to him in some way it is not, we are great friends now, it is just a matter of the fact i would like someone i know and i dont know many people, in fact where i live now i dont know anyone. and i know this would mean i would have to give up alot my sister was a single mum and i know what it takes she knows ive been thinking about it and we have sat down and she has told me a lot of what i need to know.

thats all i can think of right now thanks again for your replys