digitaldiva Posted August 14, 2003 Share Posted August 14, 2003 Does closure actually help or hurt? Say your Ex left you and you don't know why, the relationship ended badly and you would like answers or you would just like to state your opinion. From experience has "closure" helped or hurt you even more?? Please give any responses....I need perspective. Link to comment
dviewed Posted August 14, 2003 Share Posted August 14, 2003 In my opinion closure definitely helps...of course it needs to be done with the right attitude on both parts. When we split after 8 &1/2 years my guy just turned to another woman and wouldn't give me the time of day. I knew I'd made some mistakes, but after being together so long it hurt to not even be able to see him for 5 minutes. I was tormented by the lack of any kind of closure. Eventually he realized our time together meant something & we were able to talk & put a sense of closure on that chapter of our lives. We've been friends for about 5 months now & in some ways are closer than ever. (I think we may find our way back to more eventually, but I know we'll always be friends no matter what. ) We wouldn't be this far along now if we hadn't finally put closure on things from before. Hope that helps. Link to comment
segagirl Posted August 14, 2003 Share Posted August 14, 2003 Sneaky, depends on the situation! If the person you want closure with someone who is unhealthy, able to hurt you or suck you back into a bad relationship..In this case staying away is much better. Now if this is someone that just sorta left without word, and is not really a threat, then yes it tends to help the healing process. You just have to be open to what they actually have to say! Link to comment
mfurb33 Posted August 14, 2003 Share Posted August 14, 2003 Sometimes when we're so lovesick after a breakup, we tend to hear what we want to hear...picking apart the obvious in the things our ex's say or do to still hang on to a little glimpse of hope. For example, I told my ex that "I couldn't imagine her with another guy"...and she said, "I won't be dating anybody for a long time!"....I saw that as, "Sweet, she's not interested in anyone else, and she HAS to have more feelings towards me than anybody, so when she's ready, she'll date me again!" Focusing on it like that falsely took away the fact that she doesn't want to date me anymore. I just got out of a relationship of 3 years with a girl I was planning the rest of my life with...and there was a lot of strings left dangling and still are after the breakup, in other words, not a lot of closure. I've come to find that I have to make my own closure...because I don't think she's going to do it for me...most likely because she can't take hurting someone anymore....and she won't even talk to me. Don't wait on someone else to do it for you, you'll just keep hurting. Do it on your own...and down the road maybe you'll get your answers, but you can't keep hurting until that time comes. Take care.... Link to comment
Stuck-On-Him Posted August 14, 2003 Share Posted August 14, 2003 Going through the process of closure hurts alot, i would know, but in the end it helps! Link to comment
secret_agent_man Posted August 14, 2003 Share Posted August 14, 2003 Hey again, Diva! Well, I personally think closure is almost necissary most of the time, but it's all up to the people involved. What's really hard is just being left hanging, and not knowing what the other person feels. I guess, if you're gonna say what you have to say, though, do it in a way that is not arguing or putting someone down. Just get the facts accross, and leave it at that. No need to argue, no need to even win. Everybody wins when there's no arguing about the past, trust me. Just speak what needs to be spoken, and move on! That's my 3 cents, good luck! S.A.M. Link to comment
faeriechyld Posted August 15, 2003 Share Posted August 15, 2003 I think closure is normally a good idea, however, with one of my ex's, I tried many times over the course of 2 years to give him closure, and instead, things would just get all messed up again. So like sega said, it depends on the situation. Link to comment
KymQ Posted August 16, 2003 Share Posted August 16, 2003 I had closure last night with my ex girlfriend. It was in a club and we only talked for a few minutes, but is was enough to make me realise it was finally over with no hope of return. She's happy with her new lover and I was happy for her. Her not speeking to me was eating me up inside and I wanted to know what she thought of me. She didn't say anything outright, but just talking a little about what we had ended my frustrations. I still feel lovesick but atleast I have some answers now. Link to comment
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