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Thread: why do i care about my girlfriends past?

  1. #1
    bigs_05
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    why do i care about my girlfriends past?

    i am having trouble letting go of my girlfriends past. i dont know why. we have been friends for like 5 or 6 years and have just recently started going out. well since i was her best friend i know everything about her past and what all she has done. which isnt alot at all its just she has done little stuff with alot of guys and she has had like 3 times as many boyfriends as i have g/f's. i care about her alot and i tried to talk to her about this and she just got mad and said i dont trust her. i do trust her so its not that. i just cant stop thinking about her past and all teh guys she has done stuff with. she has had tons of relationships where she has cheated and that they only lasted a week or 2 and i know she is different with me so why do i even care about her past?

  2. #2
    DealingWithIt
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    if its not the sex stuff then maybe its because you know she's been around the block more than you that bothers you...hmmm?

  3. #3
    SwingFox
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    Hello bigs_05,

    First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us for seeking advice. I am pleased to read that you get along so well with this young woman. I understand that you have been 5 to 6 years friends, before you started to actually date her and that you are worried now over her past.

    I understand and share your worries. Exactly this is why a lot of people live by the rule: "Never date your friends, especially close friends that have been you friends for a longer time." She has told you so much that now you feel you have to compete. As a friend, you didn't need to.

    Unfortunately I don't have much advice for you. It might be a good idea to talk to her about this and ask her if she could reassure you a little more often to let you know how much she cares for you. I hope that in time you will grow together as a couple.

    I hope that this helped you and I wish you good luck

    ~ SwingFox ~

  4. #4
    Tuneer

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    Thumbs up

    I DON'T THINK YOU'LL BE ABLE TO GET OVER HER PAST IF SHE HERSELF HASN'T LET GO OF IT. IF SHE REALLY UNDERSTANDS AND CARES, SHE MUST HELP YOU WITH THIS PROBLEM OF LETTING GO OF HER PAST......RATHER THAN CLINGING ON TO IT HERSELF.
    ISN'T THIS THE VERY BASIC?? I REALLY THINK IT IS!!

  5. #5
    winter2005
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    Bigs, It is normal to think of ones past but obsessing over it could harm the relationship. For example the lovely (not) guy I am with right now knows everything about my past why? Cause I told him... The reason I told him is because I wanted him to know what I went through and etc.. And if someone were to ask him about my past and I fail to mention it or lie he would get angry and not trust me ( not that he trusts me now cause he is obesseing over it) I just wanted that if someone were to come up to him and say I hear ur gf blah blah blah he would say I know. Knowing about ones past is crucial to help build a relationship that is not based on a lie. People do mistakes and the learn and become stronger.
    You need to try and focus on your relationship with the girl does she keep her promises? Does she open up to you and volunteer information? Or do you have to interogate her for answers... Instead of thinking about the past I would focus on the present so that you would be able to keep ur eyes and mind wide open to see if this relationship is for you or not.

  6. #6
    winter2005
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    Oh Look! Perfect example of one not being Honest about the past....

    [Register to see the link]

    It is better to know the truth than to say a lie or not say the exact truth!

    We as humans need to learn to let go of the past...
    Now if you cant let go of wrong past things she has done to YOU! That would be more important than the what she did when she was nt with you.
    you feel me?

  7. #7
    BalletGirl81
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    Bigs 05

    If you truly care about this person, you need to work on not judging them and accepting them for who they are NOW. If everyone was held accountable for everything that they've done in the past, we'd all be cast from society I'm sure.

    How old are you? You sound kind of young - I don't mean that in a bad way. But, if you are relatively young, under 21, I wouldn't hold so much against your girlfriend because she is in the process of learning who she is and finding out what type of guys she likes. Obviously nobody agrees that cheating is a good thing, but, considering those relationships were only a few weeks long, I don't think they could actually be considered exclusive relationships. It sounds more dating.

    But, if you truly cannot get past her past, then move on. Relationships must be built on trust, and if you don't trust her from the get-go, you won't get very far. Try to look inward and see if you may have some insecurity issues to work on. Many relationship problems can be solved by simply adjusting your perceptions/attitude. Of course, there are some cases where things just won't work out.

    I wish you the best!!

  8. #8
    craign
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    Hey trust me i have done the same thing in a relationship.PLEASE PLEASE listen if this relationship is something you want you have to let it go.I have destroyed some awesome relationship because of INSECURITY and thats all it is.I have been told and its true"enjoy her while you have her"Dont sabotage it though and thats what you will be doing by not letting it go.Its hard i know but dont get obsessed with it live your life and enjoy it.Trust me you look better when you just move on from that and live your life.She will be there until she or you decides to go.And the big thing is which sucks you cant change her past but you can be there for her NOW.

  9. #9
    Belgian girl
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    For me someone's past does count quite a lot for me.. because it says something about that person. I know people can chance. But by only looking at the last few weeks or even months.. hmm quiete a lot of people are playing a role or could fake or doing their best for a while.. I think you really know somebody after at least half a year with enough contact, and not only at ideal situations! I asked about my ex past but he became sort of angry because he said I was pushing to much on something he would forget about.

  10. #10
    Ms. Babydoll

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tuneer [Register to see the link]
    I DON'T THINK YOU'LL BE ABLE TO GET OVER HER PAST IF SHE HERSELF HASN'T LET GO OF IT. IF SHE REALLY UNDERSTANDS AND CARES, SHE MUST HELP YOU WITH THIS PROBLEM OF LETTING GO OF HER PAST......RATHER THAN CLINGING ON TO IT HERSELF.
    ISN'T THIS THE VERY BASIC?? I REALLY THINK IT IS!!
    I agree with ya

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