HELP< i keep comparing my new bf with my ex!

I broke up in a bad relationship last year and i started dating this guy for two months now. It was the most hurtful, painful breakup i have ever had because i thought he was perfect but then one day he cheated on me. Anyhow, now i always compare this new guy with my ex and i dont feel that it is perfect, not even in the beginning. I have this theory that when you first date somebody, it should FEEL almost perfect, but it isn't...i think i have issues. Anyhow, the way i feel about this new guy is i that sometimes I feel he is great, awesome and the one for me, and sometimes i feel he is so wrong for me because we're so different. I keep feeling like this over and over, like going in circles. Any idea whats wrong with me? He on the other hand, likes me so much, and is willing to work out our differences. HE thinks i still haven't gotten my ex, and that it isn't fair to him. I dont think i want to go back with my ex, but i just compare him with my current one. I dont think there is anything worng since i am just trying to compare what qualities i want and dont want in a guy. What advice can you guys give me?

 

Thanks in advance.

Hello, and welcome, hopefully you will get a little support here...

 

I think one of your issues that you are open with is the fact that you are not really over your ex...

It was the most hurtful, painful breakup i have ever had

...there is no timescale on getting over a breakup and some people never do...but maybe you needed a little more time with this guy.

 

Secondly I would like to knw who taught you that

it should FEEL almost perfect,

???where and whom did you learn this from, because it is not true, and until you realise that you will never get even "almost perfect" you will always be searching for the impossible and will always be disappointed...

 

What is perfect to you? Have you ever written the qualities of perfect? If you did everything in life first time perfect then you would be in the guiness book of records, but it does happen that way. Has something happened to you in the past that went wrong a couple of times that madeyou think that it has to be perfect? This could have just been something in school or work, but somewhere along the line you have been taught that unless its perfect then its not worth having...and to me and a lot of people the beauty of finding a relationship is having different things in common, working to learn new things together and having different opinions....

 

You need to realise and comes to terms with the fact that nothing is perfect...Are you perfect?...Maybe to your mum and dad, but no one is perfect...You need to not worry that you are different and try to enjoy the relationship for what it is...its only been a couple of months, take a step back and enjoy it...don't worry that this guy will cheat on you, not all people do that and letting go of the past will make you a stronger person and will make your present relationship strong too...

 

Hope this helps a little, hope you look inside yourself and really work out why you need perfection.

thanks a bunch for your thoughts...I think it helps me a lot to hear what other people have to say outside myself...like when you asked said that i need to "look inside and ask why i seek for perfection.." i really think its this silly promise i made to myself when i was soo deeply hurt, and disappointed...i said to myself that "I will not get hurt again, no matter what it takes" its silly because we all know that life is unpredictable and nobody knows the future, but since i made that subconscious agreement with myself, i would scrutinize every guy i meet and try to make 99% sure that he is the right one and not hurt me again. I think i shouldn't be so uptight about getting hurt, and just try to go with the flow and enjoy the time that i spend while dating guys. ..anyways thanks for your thoughts...