Question for the men...looking back on your early twenties.

I was just wondering if some of the men on this forum could give me some insight and share their own experience of where they were at in their early twenties in terms of life goals, relationship needs, ideas about marriage and kids.

Also, given the following situation and experiences, how might you react if you were in your early twenties?:

You had only experienced 2 relationships, (your only sexual experiences were with these 2 women), you had never lived on your own (left home to move in with one of these women - your girlfriend), you were fresh out of college and starting a promising career (making lots of cash), things in your relationship were starting to feel a little stagnant/boring after so much time together. Then your girlfriend tells you she wants the relationship to progress and to get married sometime in the next few years... would you panic?

I'm sure the answers are obvious, but I was just wondering if other men could relate to this or if they would react differently in the same situation.

Swingfox,

Do you think that a guy going through this self-discovery period would ever think of going back to the relationship after trying new things? I'm trying not to hold on to too much hope in my own situation, but do you think that it's possible that someone after going through this growth period might re-consider a past relationship if they realize they want what they had when they were younger and not ready for it?

I'm also still curious to hear from others who might have experienced something similar.

Hi Principesa,

Well, in my early early 20's I was in college (I worked for a couple of years between high school and college), working on a business degree-- which I didn't want-- because my main interest-- computer science-- at THAT time would have either earned me unemployment, or a $12,000 a year job, working 80 hours a week. This was a bit before nerds were hip... early to mid-80's. My goals were pretty vague because I really wasn't doing what I had hoped to be doing-- until a buddy and I decided to start our own business after graduation.

My perceptions of marriage, family and that whole thing was that I didn't really really want it till my late 20's, early 30's. I think maybe I knew too many people who got married young, and divorced young-- I had nothing against having a "serious" exclusive relationship, mind you. However, I was also hopelessly naive-- and had never had a serious relationship at the time I entered college. As it turned out, I met the woman who became my wife, and later EX-wife... who pursued me relentlessly, and I eventually agreed to marry her at age 24, after she hinted around for the 439th time that "that was what she wanted." Unfortunately, I wasn't self-aware enough to realize (A) that I was totally disregarding my own needs, and (B) she recognized a good "wallet with legs" when she saw one.

To answer your question, I didn't exactly "panic" because she wanted to get married, but I did feel subtly pressured to do someTHING I didn't feel was right for me, with someONE I wasn't convinced was right for me. In retrospect, I wish I'd had the wisdom to push harder to say "I don't think your need to settle down now is compatible with mine." But some people don't WANT to be "broken up with," and I kinda went with the flow.

As compared to your scenario, I had lived on my own for two+ years, but had NO serious relationships under my belt; but the business degree and having my own business DID certainly give me good prospects and cash flow.

As a general sort of observation-- the younger you are when you get married, the more you're going to change, as a person meaning that you're going to have to work that much harder at getting a relationship to work out. In my early 20's, I was still "defining myself" as a human being-- and if two people are BOTH doing that, in the context of a relationship-- there's NO guarantee that they will "define" themselves in a similar (and compatible) direction, FWIW.

--Peter