!Icky ex/new bf sitch before Saturday night! Help!

Hi, I just joined and I have a rather sensitive ex issue.

I recently broke up with my live in boyfriend of 6 years. The reasons were varied, but mostly I was just un-happy and I think the breakup was a long time coming.

Anyway, I am dating a really cool guy, unfortunately, he happens to be our downstairs neighbor whom we both knew and were friendly with.

To complicate matters, this neighbor broke up with his girlfriend 3 days before I broke up with Tim, under her accusation that he was obsessed with me.

10 days later, that's right its only been 10 days, I have to tell my ex of 6 years that I am dating someone else. That he knows. That he hung out with.

There is a pretty intense connection between the new-guy and myself, and most of our friends had been aware of it from the beginning, but that wasn't the reason either of us decided to end our respective relationships, though knowing there was the possibility of greater happiness definitely made it easier.

Now, my breakup was friendly and we still talk, and since my birthday party is coming up next week (to which I plan to bring new guy) I am going for a drink with him (on Saturday) to discuss this whole situation as delicately and sympathetically as possible. I don't think it does him any good to be the only one left out of the loop (as all our friends are aware of the new-guy situation) and I don't think its fair to new-guy to put him in a position where he has to fake it and pretend that his feelings don't exist.

In short, I need to clean up this mess as quickly and painlessly as possible.

Does anyone have ANY advice at all-how I should approach him, what I should say? what to expect? That I am crazy and insane?

Thanks to all

Dru

drucillaangelus, welcome to eNotalone.com!

To offer my advice on your issue, I think you are taking the right approach by being open and honest with your ex. You should realize that it is not your responsibility to please him, but I greatly respect your honesty towards him.

The fact is, you're seeing someone. He couldn't expect that not to happen. It's a reality, and telling him is probably the best way for him to find out. It will most likely be hard for you, and only do what you feel comfortable with.

It may in fact be a good thing for him, because it may help him realize that it is in fact over, and that it is okay to just smile on the past and move on. It is obvious that you still care for him and have respect for him, and that is expected after 6 years. Both of you should reflect on the happy times you had and the growing you did together.

Good luck in the future!

S.A.M.

I have to say that this situation is kind of sticky. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it's obvious that you and the neighbor were attracted to each other while you guys were still in your respective relationships. And if that's not the case, your ex's will surely see it that way regardless which makes it that much more complex.

Since you and the neighbor were able to move on so quickly, especially with people that your ex's knew, then your ex b/f could view it as disrespect and sorry to say I might have to agree with that. You're definitely going to have to break it to him as delicately and sympathetically as possible. Did your attraction to the neighbor and vice versa have anything to do with your respective breakups?

SAM, congrats on being a Candidate Moderator. Since I started posting here I've seen you give tons of great advice to a lot of people. You're definitely an asset to enotalone.com. Good luck on your candidacy!!