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Thread: I wish I never cheated

  1. #1
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    I wish I never cheated

    Hi to all, I am 20 yrs old and i have a boyfriend of two years. He is a very laid back and relaxed guy who never gets angry at anything. I often blame him for being emotionless and despite the fact that i know he loves me, his lack of showing care and appreciation bothers me often.
    About 2 months ago a friend of mine kissed me goodnight. I did not expect it or see it coming, but we kissed and then i stopped him. I chose not to tell my boyfriend because I still wanted to be friends with my friend.My boyfriend and I had been quarreling a lot lately about his lack of care and concern, mostly me starting the fights. Also, he wanted to make sure we were kept our relationship fun and casual (but exclusive) and didn't get too serious because we were so young. I took this as a lack of love from him, which i now regret seeing that way. Anyway, last night i told him about what happened between my friend and I, 2 months after the fact. He didn't say much but that he didn't know why i didnt' tell him sooner and that he didn't believe it happened as I told him. I felt bottled up and sick from holding it from him so long and I told him to clear my head and our relationship from the toxins it was building. He said he loved me and that we would not break up, but i cried and cried at seeing him sad and him not wanting me to hug him or kiss him. How do I right this wrong? How do I make things good again for us? What do I say or do? He knows I am terribly sorry. I just want thing to be good again.

  2. #2
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    I firmly believe that people don't cheat unless there is something wrong in the relationship whether it be with you or your significant other. I have been in a relationship where the guy was so laid back that it was almost a lack of caring for you. I cheated on him with his best friend. I did tell him and we did not break up, but there is a trust to regain. You can not change what you did only learn from it for your sake and for that of your relationship. If your boyfriend forgives you take him at his word, he is the only person who will know how this truly affected him. It is a terrible feeling hurting the one that you love, know that you are loved in return from this man and you can work things out if they are meant to be. Don't take his laid back attitude personally or as a lack of caring maybe for him that is how he protects himself from getting hurt, just love him and accept his in return.

  3. #3
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    you and everyone knows that this isnt going to go away over night. hes feeling the hurt of something that you held in for so long, but you just need to comfort him and keep telling him that you will never do it again. it wasnt your fault that you were kissed, at least you pulled away and thats the only thing you could have done and thats what you need to sit down and explain to him. you were scared to loose him and you know that it was wrong to hold it from him for so long.

    good luck

    ~foreverurz23~

  4. #4
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    I can't stand that women believe that relationship problems justify the cheating, or give the ammo to cheat. It disgusts me that some poster would even suggest that if you don't do enough or act a certain way that's ground to go off with someone else. If a man was to cheat I certainly bet none of the posters would have said his woman wasn't giving him enough love.

    Now that my ranting is over, I'd like to commend you for doing the right thing. Telling him was the first step in what will probably be a long process to rebuild the relationship. In getting past this, you need to just be yourself (new and improved?) with your bf. You can't tell him you're sorry lots and expect it to get better, I suggest you show him you've changed. Other then that I would suggest you have patience with him, as he will eventually get past this. Remember, there's nothing you can do for him now, this is something he needs to figure out himself.

    I think of it as a picture in a frame. He's the picture right now, but you've got to be the frame for him. That is to say, you can't do anything to make him "change" to trusting you, you can just control how you are around him...to show him you've learned from this experience for the better of the both of you.

    Well that's my two cents.

    Bill

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  6. #5
    Gold Member kuhl282000's Avatar
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    infidelity

    That must have been hard for you to confess to your boyfriend. I must have been really bothering you deep down inside. I know you feel bad, and you did the right thing by telling him. But you cannot expect him to feel the same way. This will take sometime. Try not to bring it up as a topic of dicussion. That will only extend the pain. Sometimes writing a card or letter helps. That way the person does not have to respond directly right at that moment. Trust is hard to re-build. If your watching the news look at what is happening to Kobe. If he really loves you ....and it sounds like he does........you might still have a real good chance of putting it back together.

    Good luck

    Kuhl

  7. #6
    Why do people do this...Huh, Cheat and then confess.
    Don't tell if you know in your heart your only telling to relieve your guilt. Dont tell if you know your not going to ever do it again. Confess to God and God only. Leave it in his hands and he will help you make the right choices for the future.Everyone else..Please stop confessing..it only makes people revengeful and angry with you. They were happier not knowing at all. Keep it to yourself. especially if you know your not going to do this agian.

  8. #7
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    I don't believe that problems in a relationship justify the cheating, more that it is a sign that there are more problems in the relationship which need to be addressed along with the cheating. In my situation the issues were both with my ex and I. We broke up almost five years ago and remain friends. I know that I will never cheat in a relationship again, because I know it made me feel terrible and that I did truly hurt someone who loved me. My point may have come accross as a justification, but I would not do that. Let's not forget that men cheat just as much as women and don't feel it necessary to share that with their significant other, they are more likely to get caught in their actions than confess. Again my point is that cheating is normally a sign of other problems and for the relationship to succeed there needs to be forgiveness and a regained trust, but also to work on the other problems. Some people may find that the relationship can't work. In this woman's case and mine we kissed someone else and then told our significant other. I know men who have had a mistress for years and paid for their home and their cars and everything for them, totally destroying the person that they are married to. From what I have seen if a woman cheats she will end the relationship or discuss it with her partner which may not be right and again I would never believe that cheating is right. But with men it is such a complete lack of respect for the person that they are with. They will not tell their significant other because they don't want to hurt them bull****. They don't want to lose the control that they are feeling over both relationships. If you are in an honest successful relationship there is never a need to cheat and it would be unthinkable to do that to the other person. Let's face it though some people cheat always have and always will. I apologize to bzborow1 for offending you, but you obviously did not understand what I was trying to say.

  9. #8
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    hey

    If I were you I'd give him a little something special each day. Like a little love note or a heart shaped candy or something. Hide these things to so it surprises him that way he keep on thinking of you. I would also try to get as close to him physically as possible everyday because seperation like that can often lead to him feeling weird when he tries getting close to you when he feels he's ready to have you back. My Father was the same way with his emotions and never said much to me and you never really notice how much someone loves you until their gone. Love comes in all shapes in sizes you just have to look around to notice it.


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