Do women in relationships cheat if they're happy?

Although I have not cheated with my current g/f and I don't intend to, I know a lot of guys (and I've done it in the past) that cheat on their g/f's or wives' even when they're happy in their relationships.

What about women? It could depend on the individual, but for the most part do women cheat if they are happy in their relationships or does it depend on their degree of happiness? What about the typical "good girl". Do they cheat too?

As I've told the love of my life recently, a commitment is a choice. When you choose to commit you make a choice to devote yourself to someone forever. It is natural to have feelings for other people, but you have to follow that choice. Women and men both the same, can tend to go elsewhere if they are unhappy, but it does not honor the commitment that they chose to make. This is becoming increasingly more popular as the importance of marriage and commitment is cheapened by the ease of filing for divorce (I'm not accusing anyone, there are times that divorce is just the right thing to do).

The main thing, especially in marriage, is to honor the vow "for better and for worse". If someone is unhappy, they need to remember that vow, and attempt to right the situation.

As I said before, it is natural for humans to feel emotionally attracted to someone else, even when they are satisfied, but it is a choice to act on those emotions or not. Only the strong survive these situations...

Does that help at all?

S.A.M.

I agree with you SAM; people in unhappy relationships tend to stray more, but I'd like to focus more on happy relationships with this discussion. And like you said, now adays commitment is definitely cheapened.

I definitely want to get women's perspective on this subject as well since the focus is more to how THEY feel about cheating.

I agree, I wish to add that it doesn't matter if you're a good girl or a good guy. It doesn't even have much to do with happiness. If one cheats it is because they are weak minded and weak willed.

People have self-control; people have the ability to make sound rational decisions. If you are unhappy you have two options. One work on it, two leave. Cheating is never a valid option, it is never the last resort or excusable. Only weak willed people resort to this. I would rather leave the person I am with then dishonour myself by committing this cowardly and disgraceful act.

That's just me. The world according to Crookster Man.

Okay, you asked for a women's point of view. So here's one..

I think that if a woman did cheat while in a "happy" relationship then she would have to ask herself if she really IS happy in the relationship. I think that infedelity in most cases only occurs when one partner feels something lacking in the relationship or some need (usually emotional, not physical) is not being met. I don't think that most women cheat because they don't find their sex life with their partner interesting, it's usually that they don't feel loved, desired, or that they want more attention.

Having said that, I have heard of cases where a woman would cheat on her partner at a time in the relationship when things were really good and the intimacy and the relationship as a whole was developing into something more. In these cases, the woman would cheat in order to sabotage the relationship. I know it sounds strange, but if she had been hurt before, some women will purposely try and ruin a good thing for fear that she will get hurt again if she gets too attached.

Hope that gives you something to think about.[/i]

Hi all,

The question of cheating is an interesting one because there always seems to be a double standard. When a man cheats it's because he is a pig engaging in self-indulgent behavior. However, when a women cheats its almost always because she is the innocent victim in the process. By this I mean that it always seems to be because of a negative aspect of her current relationship, something her bf did (he must have been a jerk), or just that she's engaging in a new process of self-discovery (trying to "find herself").

If we set the double standards aside, we find both men and women tend to cheat because of something weak in their character. That's why we find that most cheating takes place during a tough time in a relationship, or also at a crossroads in their mates life...as an example we'll say graduating from college unsure of a job. The weak person looks for a way out but is too cowardly to break apart, so they need an excuse to do so, hence the cheating. A strong person, however, will either just part ways with their mate or try to improve their current relationship.

That's my two cents,

Bill

Yea, sorry, I guess I focused on the wrong aspect a bit, but Crookster's elaborating on essentially what I was saying at the end of my post. Anyone CAN cheat, no matter how happy, there's just those of us who choose not to. So to me, it has to do a lot with self respect, and not letting yourself down. I made the decision not to, and I would be letting myself down more than anyone around me if I did.

Better?

S.A.M.

Women dont cheat when they are happy, if they are satisfied. When their partner is able to give them what they want. Especially their needed attention and love. Yes, we can get attracted to other guys but not that seriously, usually a crush on someone that might be over in a few seconds or minutes and we would not get into something that we know is not right and might ruin a relationship with the ones we love.

I don't think there is a definite answer for that, because everyone is different and I believe that some women (and men) would still cheat even if they were happy. After all some people like to have more than one person, so it could be a commitment problem, rather than being unhappy. However, I think happiness in a relationship would surely increase the chances of one appreciating their partner and staying faithful. So, yes being happy makes for a better chance that women (or men) would not cheat, but does not guarantee their fidelity. Although being unhappy isn't necessarily a valid excuse to cheat - leaving him or her is a better and more honest option.

zoe

This is my first posting, in fact, this is the first time I have mentioned this since it has happened. So, if you guys really want to know why women cheat, listen up because I have first hand knowledge.

They cheat because you stopped looking at them. They cheat because you never really committed to the relationship. They cheat because they have a void in their life that desperately needs filling. They cheat because we make them feel second best. They cheat because they live their lives on an emotional rhealm and we live ours on a physical one. Women need emotional fulfillment and we damn well better give it to them or they will look for it somewhere else. Women cheat because, no matter what we feel, they are not mind readers and unless you tell and show them how you feel about them, they wont see it. Don't imagine that all is ok just because things seem to be going smoothly. Ask her how she is feeling and ask her her wants and desires on a continual basis. Tell her how much she means to you and tell her that she is the only one. Let her know with words as well as actions. Buy her a rose for no reason other than to say " I love you and you mean the world to me." Just because you are not dating anymore doesn't mean that you can't send flowers for no reason.

Botton line is this: If you love the girl you are with and you want your relationship to last, you BETTER find a way to tell her and show her everyday.

I know it sounds like a lot of work, but dont you think it is worth it?

When anyone cheats, it's definitally not with a happy relationship. There is definitally some underlying problems with the relationship otherwise they would'nt stray. End of story.

No.

I agree that if you don't bring enough game, you get dumped (or the relationship is just not that fun), but no one's romantic existense should be primarily dedicated to feeding the attention-beast that lies within, ready to offer it up to the next guy/gal who comes along and makes them feel "connected."

Sounds like you or someone close to you got cheated on by a high-maintenance woman with low self esteem who was willing to trade what there was for some attention from another guy. Take it as the ego hit it is 'cause she didn't want you anymore but don't take it as a loss: a girl who cheats, even once, is not worth keeping around.

People cheat b/c there's something missing in their heads: self esteem. All of the above posts talk about cheating in terms of whether she is happy or the relationship is doing the right thing for her and making her feel the way she wants to feel, and explain it as a lack of attention.

I am all in favor of people realizing a relationship doesn't float their boat and walking out. It is, however, the height of pathetic, weak willed emotional neediness to want to keep your relationship AND get some ego props on the side.

Hi There,

I have experience with a cheating girlfriend that may help some people understand and perhaps some can help me understand.

I was seeing a girl for nearly 6 months, she had come out of a relationship with a guy about 3-4 months prior before i asked her out. We saw each other everyday during the relationship and we had real fun together. We had similar interests, enjoyed each others company and even thought we didn't live together, we were always at each others place. We had an active sex life, we were always talking and communicating with each other, she would always send texts like "you have made me so happy" or "can't wait to see you tomorrow" and i heard through some friends of here that she was genuinely happy. I was the first BF to ever take her out for a meal at a restaurant, first BF to go wine shopping (she loved that sort of thing) and take an active interest in her life, something that was not done before - I was the person who pushed here to further her education and lent her the money to do this. We would spent loads of time going to movies and going places together. We would do brunch and all those "cool" thibgs that you do together when you are seeing someone you like. I really liked her, fell in love and thought i could spend the rest of my life with her.

From my point of view, the relationship was strong, sure we had disagreements and the usual things, but nothing major. Then one weekend, she went out on the town with some of the ladies from work. I text her to see how her "girls night out went". I got a reply that her ex picked her up and dropped her home. I tried to contact the next day, but got no reply until midnight when i received a text saying " i need some time alone, things aren't going well..." This was a bombshell, i never slept that night at all - couldnt understand what was wrong. I know girls say, guys never pick up on this sort of stuff, but honestly, this is the same girl who gave me a kiss goodbye before she left for her "girls night out". There had been no indication that week that anything was astray at all.

I asked some friends on the sunday if i should go and talk to her, but their unanimous advice was "leave her for a bit so she talks to you". I thought this was reasonable as i was not really in a good frame of mind at that time.

She never contacted me on sunday or monday. Tuesday i went to see her at her home. I pulled up to see her and her ex getting into his car. At this point, what do you do - leave it and think "oh they are just having dinner" - but there is always doubt reagrding these things so i followed and eventually heard them sleeping together. I have never felt so low in my life. It hurt me very badly.

I then found out from her that she slept with her ex on the sunday also.

I confronted her about this, told her what i heard and saw, which she never denied, and broke up with her then and there.

The biggest question i have is why? It never crossed my mind that i would cheat on her - why would she cheat on me and why when i made her "so happy" would she cheat on me.

Well, i have done a hell of a lot of thinking about this and the end answer i have is because she is insecure and lacks self esteem and confidence. To so such a thing is a choice when all said and done - same for guys. She could have come to me to talk about something that was bugging her and needed to talk, but she chose otherwise - there is no excuse. She is a cheat and that is that. If you are not happy in a relationship, then you need to talk, to let the other partie ubnderstand. We are not mind readers. I do not particuarly enjoy being deceived - which is exacly what is happening if you do not let the other party now that there is a problem. How else can you fix it otherwise.

At the end of the day, if she was seeking something, she needed to talk about it with me - something she never did. I also believe she is high maintenance, not being facetious - but hey it takes two to tango and both people need to work at a relationship. I think waht she did was selfish and pointless.

I still don't know exactly why she did that, i have talked to her about it - but even she doesn't know why she did it.

All said and done, its unacceptable for men or women in a realtionship to be selfish and not talk about things that are happening in their relationship, but resorting to cheating is plain pointless and crude. If she had spoken to me about the relationship and how she was obviously unhappy or seeking soemthign i was not doing then i am sure the relationship could have been strengthened. Cheating is plain weak.

Biscuit man.... Seven words: I so wished u were my boyfriend.

People in general cheat for different reasons. It's impossible to generalize who will cheat and who won't, because we all have different needs and ways of coping with stress.

However, in my personal experience and observing the behaviour of my girlfriends over the years, they've been more prone to cheat when they're BORED. Bored, and not receiving that 'emotional fulfillment' that was present in the beginning of the relationship. Not to be confused with the "honeymoon phase", but simple and thoughtful gestures used to woo her in the first place were missing.

I think women get bored when the man gets too comfortable and stops making those little 'extra efforts'. I'm sure that women make the same mistakes, but I think men care less about romantic tokens than women. Boredom usually sets in when the man is comfortable that she's not going anywhere, so they invest a lot less of their own emotions in the relationship. Things are much more mundane, there is minimal conversation, they don't go out and do things as much, etc.

I don't think that a mature, level-headed and emotionally healthy woman will cheat on a man if she's truly happy with him. Provided that her needs are fulfilled, he knows exactly what they are and makes an effort to see to them (not necessarily even fulfilling every little desire, but making the effort to let her know that he's still very much in love with her), I doubt that she'll cheat. The women I've seen cheat haven't been happy in heart and mind.

Ocean's post may be perfectly accurate, and again, I agree that if you don't have enough game to keep the girl around, you'll get dumped (or perhaps cheated on), but I have to say that a lot of what's been posted above about how to keep a woman happy, fulfilled or un-bored, strikes me as "high maintenence."

Find a girl with good character who hasn't cheated in the past, give her your best game, let her know that if she cheats, she's gone, and never invest yourself completely into your relationship; always be willing to walk away if it's that important. You keep your pride, she keeps her respect for you, the two of you attend appropriately to each other, you're golden.

I have to say that a lot of what's been posted above about how to keep a woman happy, fulfilled or un-bored, strikes me as "high maintenence."

Nah, that's not what I meant. High-maintenance and simply remembering "the little things" are completely different. I am not talking about fancy dinners and sonnets, I'm referring to simple, heartfelt gestures that remind her how you feel. It's really not too much to ask either. We all need reassurance from time to time, especially when being together for a really long time.

Not every woman is the same, of course. The door swings both ways too. I just don't think that it's EVER a good idea to get too comfortable in a relationship. Excessive comfort combined with laziness = BORING.

You cannot put a box around why people cheat.

I've seen people cheat when they were bored, when they were happy, when they've had devoted and loving partners, when their relationship was crap.

There are well documented warning signs that may indicate a greater propensity to cheat but there are no hard and fast rules.

Ocean, I think I agree with what you're saying, though I note than many women I know who have cheated explain it as their "needs" not being met. Needs clearly can be a very loaded term.

I still stand by the notion that a good woman never cheats (or a good man) regardless of her needs being met (she just dumps the guy).

Ideally, desiring to meet her "needs" assumes you think they are rational (otherwise, the dude is a dope for being in the relationship) and that you're not merely preventing cheating.

Cheating a sign of one's lack of character. There is never a valid excuse for betraying anothers trust. Wheather you are upset with a relationship, bored, or drunk. Those who possess high moral charcter would rather breakup/divorce walk away then hurt another for imidiate gradification.

I'm not saying all chaters are morally bankrupt. Just that they made a poor choice that reflects thier character at a point in thier life.

A poor relationship may contribute to infidelity but it is not it's justification.

I just found out my girlfriend cheated on me. She was definitely happy with every part of our relationship. Why did she do it? I have no idea. It was with a guy she doesn't even really know and she said it was meaningless. So yes, women can cheat if they are happy in a relationship for no reason whatsoever. To anyone who thinks I must have done something wrong to make her do this, trust me, I only made her happy in every way. I was the best guy a woman could ask for, but she * * * * ed me over. I guess nice guys like me will always get * * * * ed over by other ass holes.

Cautionary tale…I have been married for 16 years. Wife and I had a great relationship. We talked a lot, laughed a lot, we were soul mates on every level. Marriage was pretty effortless and we have 2 wonderful kids and a nice home. She appeared to be very happy and constantly professed that she was. The sex was great and we had it quite often. She raved about me being an attentive lover and being able to satisfy her. I can honestly say that I gave 110% to the marriage. Why I prefaced my post here as a cautionary tale just like your kids can be polluted by hanging around toxic kids so can spouses and friends.

My problem started about a year and a half ago. Wife decided after taking the kids to karate to start going herself. She loved the physical fitness portion of it and the camaraderie with other Moms. Well over the months she made friends with some of the other Moms who went also. Wife I was glad after 13 years home with the kids was becoming more herself then just Mom and Wife. I married the wife young, she was 22 and never had a wild period and had only about 3 other lovers besides me. 2 being HS Bfs and 1 being a one night stand. Not a virgin but not a * * * * either when we met. Well I digress. Wife started to do lunch with these other wives every once in a while. The lunched became happy hour, happy hour became the occasional Friday night out at your local TGI Fridays;Bistro and finally those nights morphed into nights out at dance clubs. I was glad she had an active social life and she always came home sober by 1am so no worries right? Well I became suspicious when I asked one night to meet these other Moms she was always texting and going out with. Wife was surprisingly evasive and full of excuses. Well finally she relented one Thursday as the kids were staying at friends house and it made no good sense for me to stay home alone.

Well I went out and was a little shocked. The other “wives” were your typical married but dating Moms, 3 colored hair, boob jobs, slinky clothes, vapid, drunk and just not woman of high moral character. My wife I could tell was nervously laughing at their joking and seemed to want to keep me sequestered away form the other gals as not to have me in earshot of any war stories of drunken cavorting my wife may have partaken in. Wife complained of being sick at 10am and we left. After that night I had a heart to heart and asked her if she was missing something at home and asked her why frankly she felt a need to go out drinking twice a week with these gals. She just laughed it off and gave me a peck on the cheek.

Weeks went by and wife told me she was going out with the gals because work was driving her nuts. Well she came home at 2:30am a little drunk. I scolded her for driving drunk and we had a rare but heated fight. Over the next few months she went out 1-2 times a week always coming home after 2-3am. Now not being some kind of chump I suspected something more was going on besides some innocent G\G nights out. I needed to know. I did everything you shouldn’t , I spied on her computer, I read her texts, etc. She was better than James Bond at doing the clandestine thing. But as all cheats do, they slip up. One day after I was checking our Health Savings Account Statement, I noticed a charge for $280 for a OB\GYN visit. No big deal but the same day was a charge for 32.00 from a local pharmacy. Well my HSA you can see scanned copied of receipts and it was for a known BC pill. My heart sunk as I am fixed and she never complained of any female problems. Well armed with this knowledge I decided to have it out once and for all.

Well I saw her folding laundry on Saturday and decided with the kids out ,a good time to vent my suspicions. I kinda already knew what was going on but needed confirmation. Well the talk went badly and she spent 10 minutes going from room to room slamming doors yelling at me as the bad guy. Finally I confronted her with the evidence I had. Her face went pale. She began to blubber uncontrollably. I calmed her down and said all I wanted was the truth. Well confessed..all of it. How it started as innocent fun, but how the alcohol and the sexually charged atmosphere in addition to her new friends egging led her to consider flirting with other men. She said it was a slow process over months but she became more comfortable with this behavior and flirting turned into kissing, kissing into petting and then leaving clubs with guys and f*cking them. All in all she said there 4, 3 one nighters and one persistent guy who she met during the day occasionally. She said she just loved the exciting sex, the newness and just loved be naughty. Not being some kind of wimpy cuckhold I was furious and told her to leave immediately, that I threatened to out her to our whole family. She left and stayed with a friend and we talked on the phone after 3 days. To make a long story short we are in counseling and she admitted to being a sex addict(Nice excuse) but wanted to work it out. Well it’s been 3 tough months and I am still not sure. So guys don’t be chumps when your lady wants to go out “Drinking” with the girls 2 nights a week

Deep, you should have divorced her. Sorry, but in my opinion, marriage counseling doesn't work for infidelity.

everyone cheats but when guys are really attatched to there gfs or wifes they will stick with them to the end and not let anything get in the way. women however there heads do actually work diffrently. science has proved there are certain things a man can do (like body language) or say to get what ever woman they want attracted to them and 1 thing leads to another which the woman thinks she can not help becase thats how there heads work. pretty * * * * ino but what ever you do if any man reads this do NOT go over the top when they have a gf just be confident n be the alpha male but not a coky big headed one... just think yeah woman are still people but at the end of the day were all animals,, so called Vows are hard 4 a woman to keep and thats y alot of them get anxiouse wen there around other men because there afraid they might cheat lol . just dont get 2 atachd because anyway theres no such thing as love its just where uno some1 so much and get on with them like friends that makes u want to be with them 4ever.. love is bull * * * * and dont think you do love some1 because nomatter what any of you say were only animals that can make decisions that dont matter at all aniway in anything... bi

Hey, this is my story, practically verbatim.

We were like soulmates for months, the, suddenly one day, she went back to her ex. Her ex that abuses her physically, emotionally and seems to hardly regard her as a person. I told her she was making the wrong decision and she agreed. Yes, she still stays with him.

She was raped at a young age. I can't help but wonder if she expects to be treated like crap and when she's treated well it seems foreign and uncomfortable. I treated her well, therefore, time to sabotage and go to a creep. ?