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Thread: Do women in relationships cheat if they're happy?

  1. #11
    Member kskm's Avatar
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    When anyone cheats, it's definitally not with a happy relationship. There is definitally some underlying problems with the relationship otherwise they would'nt stray. End of story.

  2. #12
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    Re: Why women cheat

    No.

    I agree that if you don't bring enough game, you get dumped (or the relationship is just not that fun), but no one's romantic existense should be primarily dedicated to feeding the attention-beast that lies within, ready to offer it up to the next guy/gal who comes along and makes them feel "connected."

    Sounds like you or someone close to you got cheated on by a high-maintenance woman with low self esteem who was willing to trade what there was for some attention from another guy. Take it as the ego hit it is 'cause she didn't want you anymore but don't take it as a loss: a girl who cheats, even once, is not worth keeping around.

    People cheat b/c there's something missing in their heads: self esteem. All of the above posts talk about cheating in terms of whether she is happy or the relationship is doing the right thing for her and making her feel the way she wants to feel, and explain it as a lack of attention.

    I am all in favor of people realizing a relationship doesn't float their boat and walking out. It is, however, the height of pathetic, weak willed emotional neediness to want to keep your relationship AND get some ego props on the side.

  3. #13
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    Cheating

    Hi There,

    I have experience with a cheating girlfriend that may help some people understand and perhaps some can help me understand.

    I was seeing a girl for nearly 6 months, she had come out of a relationship with a guy about 3-4 months prior before i asked her out. We saw each other everyday during the relationship and we had real fun together. We had similar interests, enjoyed each others company and even thought we didn't live together, we were always at each others place. We had an active sex life, we were always talking and communicating with each other, she would always send texts like "you have made me so happy" or "can't wait to see you tomorrow" and i heard through some friends of here that she was genuinely happy. I was the first BF to ever take her out for a meal at a restaurant, first BF to go wine shopping (she loved that sort of thing) and take an active interest in her life, something that was not done before - I was the person who pushed here to further her education and lent her the money to do this. We would spent loads of time going to movies and going places together. We would do brunch and all those "cool" thibgs that you do together when you are seeing someone you like. I really liked her, fell in love and thought i could spend the rest of my life with her.

    From my point of view, the relationship was strong, sure we had disagreements and the usual things, but nothing major. Then one weekend, she went out on the town with some of the ladies from work. I text her to see how her "girls night out went". I got a reply that her ex picked her up and dropped her home. I tried to contact the next day, but got no reply until midnight when i received a text saying " i need some time alone, things aren't going well..." This was a bombshell, i never slept that night at all - couldnt understand what was wrong. I know girls say, guys never pick up on this sort of stuff, but honestly, this is the same girl who gave me a kiss goodbye before she left for her "girls night out". There had been no indication that week that anything was astray at all.

    I asked some friends on the sunday if i should go and talk to her, but their unanimous advice was "leave her for a bit so she talks to you". I thought this was reasonable as i was not really in a good frame of mind at that time.

    She never contacted me on sunday or monday. Tuesday i went to see her at her home. I pulled up to see her and her ex getting into his car. At this point, what do you do - leave it and think "oh they are just having dinner" - but there is always doubt reagrding these things so i followed and eventually heard them sleeping together. I have never felt so low in my life. It hurt me very badly.

    I then found out from her that she slept with her ex on the sunday also.

    I confronted her about this, told her what i heard and saw, which she never denied, and broke up with her then and there.

    The biggest question i have is why? It never crossed my mind that i would cheat on her - why would she cheat on me and why when i made her "so happy" would she cheat on me.

    Well, i have done a hell of a lot of thinking about this and the end answer i have is because she is insecure and lacks self esteem and confidence. To so such a thing is a choice when all said and done - same for guys. She could have come to me to talk about something that was bugging her and needed to talk, but she chose otherwise - there is no excuse. She is a cheat and that is that. If you are not happy in a relationship, then you need to talk, to let the other partie ubnderstand. We are not mind readers. I do not particuarly enjoy being deceived - which is exacly what is happening if you do not let the other party now that there is a problem. How else can you fix it otherwise.

    At the end of the day, if she was seeking something, she needed to talk about it with me - something she never did. I also believe she is high maintenance, not being facetious - but hey it takes two to tango and both people need to work at a relationship. I think waht she did was selfish and pointless.

    I still don't know exactly why she did that, i have talked to her about it - but even she doesn't know why she did it.

    All said and done, its unacceptable for men or women in a realtionship to be selfish and not talk about things that are happening in their relationship, but resorting to cheating is plain pointless and crude. If she had spoken to me about the relationship and how she was obviously unhappy or seeking soemthign i was not doing then i am sure the relationship could have been strengthened. Cheating is plain weak.

  4. #14
    Member sindy's Avatar
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    Biscuit man.... Seven words: I so wished u were my boyfriend.

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  6. #15
    Member OceanEyes's Avatar
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    People in general cheat for different reasons. It's impossible to generalize who will cheat and who won't, because we all have different needs and ways of coping with stress.

    However, in my personal experience and observing the behaviour of my girlfriends over the years, they've been more prone to cheat when they're BORED. Bored, and not receiving that 'emotional fulfillment' that was present in the beginning of the relationship. Not to be confused with the "honeymoon phase", but simple and thoughtful gestures used to woo her in the first place were missing.

    I think women get bored when the man gets too comfortable and stops making those little 'extra efforts'. I'm sure that women make the same mistakes, but I think men care less about romantic tokens than women. Boredom usually sets in when the man is comfortable that she's not going anywhere, so they invest a lot less of their own emotions in the relationship. Things are much more mundane, there is minimal conversation, they don't go out and do things as much, etc.

    I don't think that a mature, level-headed and emotionally healthy woman will cheat on a man if she's truly happy with him. Provided that her needs are fulfilled, he knows exactly what they are and makes an effort to see to them (not necessarily even fulfilling every little desire, but making the effort to let her know that he's still very much in love with her), I doubt that she'll cheat. The women I've seen cheat haven't been happy in heart and mind.

  7. #16
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    Ocean's post may be perfectly accurate, and again, I agree that if you don't have enough game to keep the girl around, you'll get dumped (or perhaps cheated on), but I have to say that a lot of what's been posted above about how to keep a woman happy, fulfilled or un-bored, strikes me as "high maintenence."

    Find a girl with good character who hasn't cheated in the past, give her your best game, let her know that if she cheats, she's gone, and never invest yourself completely into your relationship; always be willing to walk away if it's that important. You keep your pride, she keeps her respect for you, the two of you attend appropriately to each other, you're golden.

  8. #17
    Member OceanEyes's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Cecelius
    I have to say that a lot of what's been posted above about how to keep a woman happy, fulfilled or un-bored, strikes me as "high maintenence."
    Nah, that's not what I meant. High-maintenance and simply remembering "the little things" are completely different. I am not talking about fancy dinners and sonnets, I'm referring to simple, heartfelt gestures that remind her how you feel. It's really not too much to ask either. We all need reassurance from time to time, especially when being together for a really long time.

    Not every woman is the same, of course. The door swings both ways too. I just don't think that it's EVER a good idea to get too comfortable in a relationship. Excessive comfort combined with laziness = BORING.

  9. #18
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    You cannot put a box around why people cheat.

    I've seen people cheat when they were bored, when they were happy, when they've had devoted and loving partners, when their relationship was crap.

    There are well documented warning signs that may indicate a greater propensity to cheat but there are no hard and fast rules.

  10. #19
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    Ocean, I think I agree with what you're saying, though I note than many women I know who have cheated explain it as their "needs" not being met. Needs clearly can be a very loaded term.

    I still stand by the notion that a good woman never cheats (or a good man) regardless of her needs being met (she just dumps the guy).

    Ideally, desiring to meet her "needs" assumes you think they are rational (otherwise, the dude is a dope for being in the relationship) and that you're not merely preventing cheating.

  11. #20
    Gold Member crookster_man's Avatar
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    Cheating a sign of one's lack of character. There is never a valid excuse for betraying anothers trust. Wheather you are upset with a relationship, bored, or drunk. Those who possess high moral charcter would rather breakup/divorce walk away then hurt another for imidiate gradification.

    I'm not saying all chaters are morally bankrupt. Just that they made a poor choice that reflects thier character at a point in thier life.

    A poor relationship may contribute to infidelity but it is not it's justification.

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