what should i do??

my girlfriend of 4 years dumped me a few weeks ago. She claims that she wants to be "friends" now. She said that she loved me, but that she was no longer "in love" with me. I don't know what to do, because she is ultimately my best friend. She says she can't see us getting back together at this point in her life, but can't say it will never happen because she can't predict the future, which keeps me holding on to something that may never happen. What do you do in a situation where you're still in love with your ex, and all they seem to want is friendship. She wants to try and get back to being friends, she says "if it's meant to be, it will happen for us again" It's so hard to deal with her and "act" like i'm her friend, i mean i are her friend, but in my mind i am constantly wondering if remaining friends with her will get us back together eventually. Alot of people have told me to cut off total contact, and i tried that, and felt more miserable than i do trying to remain on a friend level and dealing with my feelings for her by myself.. it completely devestated her and she said she didn't want things that way.we need a happy medium.. what can be done, if anything to satisfy us both??

I'm sorry that she's playing games with your emotions at this point. Some women are so concerned with hurting a bf's feelings by not just saying, "it's over, the feelings gone", that they end up make some stuff up about "you can't predict the future", which really hurts more. I can bet that you do like spending time with her still, but afterwords I bet you're feeling like crap. Why? The time w/her is nice, but it's not enough for you, you want more.

I suggest that you take some time away from her completely. You don't have to quit being friends with her, just tell her you need some time to get a handle on things. Trust me (i've been through a VERY similar situation), being completely alone will suck at first, but after a while you'll start to get better. This is the process I feel you have to take, I also think that if you remain good friends with her right now it won't help you recover quicker. What happens if tomorrow she's dating some new guy? How are you going to deal with that?

After the time away, go out more with your buddies. After a while you'll start going to the bars and enjoying yourself more because you're not restricted by any girl. In addition, to help you get over your ex I suggest you get as many female friends as possible. Not to date them, just to hang out with them. After a while you'll begin to realize that there are other really attractive, really cool women who just might be into you.

Good luck.

Bill

she just needs a break from a relationship probaably. or maybe something else is going on in her life that has nothign to do with you. let her sort things out and im sure she will want u back. stay friends, dont cut off contact. just wait for her. good luck

Sounds like this one is cooked. The best thing you can do is move on. It takes at least 2 months of misery... and usually a good cry alone in your room in the middle of the day when everything else in life is demading an answer about regular life.

Within 6 months, you'll chat.

Within 8 months, you might accidentally call her (or attempt to call her) at 4am.... thinking that somehow she's desparately wanting to hear from you too.

It does get better.

thanks for all the advice...some of which i knew i would hear, but have been trying to ignore it.. this is a response i got to some questions i asked her -she emailed me...

she's sure she wants to save this friendship, she hasn't found anyone else, and not seeing anyone else, she likes that we can hang out and talk and do just about anything together and have a good time. she says she likes that she can be herself around me, but doesn't like when she feels like she can't say "no" to me, but that is something that will just take time for us to get used to. she said she likes my smile, and my sense of humor but doesn't like the negative outlook that i've developed over the last year or so but knows it's something i've been working on and have come a long way with it. she claims the friendship is not a way to lessen the blow of the breakup, and that the breakup itself, is over and if she didn't want anything more from me , she would just be done with it all together.. she does understand that if i need some time to take a step back to sort things out, that she'll give me all the time i need to do that. she says the possibilities for the future are endless, including dating me, but she doesn't see that in the near future and doesn't want to plan for that.

it all seems fair..