Mother/Daughter Issue

As someone from a religious background of sorts, I think it's important to respect your parents and love them unconditionally. However, my mother and I don't get along and haven't for as long as I can remember. I'm struggling with the fact that if it is OK for me to actually accept this and view our relationship with one another as "failed." It would take too many sessions to explain everything that she's done to me directly and throughout her life, but overall I find it difficult and unsettling at times to even be in the same room with her. Everything is constantly about what she wants, and to hell with everyone else in her way. I am not a selfish person, and I feel we are at complete polar opposites in personality. Most of the time I have an attitude even when she asks me some sort of simple question, but I'm tired of living in her shadows, constantly running from place to place for her, cooking dinner with no one to eat it and no appreciation, and in the biggest part of all losing who I am. I hate being hateful all the time, but she hinders the person I really am by treating me as if I owe her for something. The biggest bout so far was when my dad was diagnosed with cancer. (They are divorced.) During that time in my life I needed someone to talk to and confide in, someone to ASK me how I was, if I needed anything, just something. Just to be a mother, JUST to care! And she wasn't there.. it was as if she never acknowledged my feelings at all. Please help. I feel incredibly guilty that I think such horrible thoughts about my mother, but she's hurt me in many unimaginable ways. Is it OK to feel this way? And if not, what should I do in order to discover new feelings toward her? Thanks so much.

okay, my mother and my sister are about the same way. it took them about 21 years to see through what they were doing to each other to believe that they had a problem. it was the death of my gramma that brought them back together, now they are living together again and there is no problem, maybe every so often but they will never let it happen again thankfully. maybe something like this may happen to you some were in the future were a big situation is enough to wake your mother up and to start even a slight bond that you two never thought could be. it could happen at any day, please dont loose faith!

good luck

~foreverurz23~

Hmm...this sounds a little like the relationship I had with my mother. Similar situation at least. Well, you can't force her to change, but perhaps you need to just stop trying to please her all the time and just please yourself.

Also, try the big one on this site, communication. Tell her how you feel. try to help her to understand WHY you feel the way you do. Maybe she is oblivious and just thinks that you're going through a "phase" (man I hate that word). She needs to understand that what you need is a mother, not a friend, and definitely not an enemy. It's hard to be a teenager girl and have a mother. It seems the never-ending battle between teen girls and their moms. I know me and my sister both shared in this problem.

Adding on to the communication aspect, maybe your mother is jealous. My mom was very jealous of my youth and my ability to make choices in my life as she married young and was unhappy(she eventually left my father).

A note of warning, don't completely disregard this relationship. It is hard to keep a relationship with a mother who doesn't seem to care, but it is iimportant to try. Mothers are not there forever, and it is important to salvage whatever relationship you still have with her while you have the luxury of time with her. I wish you luck.

i fight with my mother alot, but we always make up. talk to her about her selfishness, she may not take it well but it's worth a shot...it can't make things worse, eh? don't give up on her though. try not to be too mean even if she is that way to you. it just makes things worse. good luck[/color]