Trust Issues

I have been on here many times before about the breakup of my 3 year relationship. Bottom line is we broke up for about 4 months. He had another girlfriend blah blah. End result after all that he came back to me. It's been about a month maybe a little longer since we have been together. Now here is my problem. One of our biggest issue's was trust and honesty. He cheated on me twice and I always lied to him . (about little things) So anyway, we battled this before we broke up and it's still an issue now.

How do we work this out. I know you can't gain someone's trust overnight. But he doesn't even give me a chance. He constantly checks my cell phone to see who I've called and who's called. Questions me if he doesn't reconize a number. He's even driven by my house at night to see if I'm at home. It's really getting a little ridcoulous. Mind you I never did cheat on him. I just lied about little things, and according to him since I lied about little stuff god knows what else I lied about. Which I can understand to a point. And it's like no matter what I say lie or truth he thinks it's all lies anyway. I get so frustrated sometimes, he treats me like a little kid and is soo jealous not to mention he makes me feel guilty when I haven't even done anything wrong.

What the hell can we do to overcome this. I don't trust him either but I don't harass him about it. I know that he just has to prove it over time.

I have a good starting point for you - dont lie at all. Even if you think it is about little things, it is still a lie. I'm sure you know one lie leads to another. When he questions you about anything you wont be hesitant with an answer so he might just start believing you and trust you...

Hope things sort themselves out

0X

Hi!

Trust (including honesty), and communication are the building blocks of any relationship. You can't have one without the other. Make sure you keep the communication lines open. That is so important to helping your trust of each other. You need to discuss the current situation without bringing up the past, unless you can't get over the past. Getting over the past is vital, nothing hurts more than not being forgiven when you know you made a mistake that you regret. Try to "start over", and build your trust from the ground up.

You need to understand, you're not going to trust him if you know you're lying or holding things back... you'll feel that if you're doing it, he is too. The same thing has to go for him. He needs to want this and be completely open. If he's not, like I said, he's always going to feel that you aren't either. It's a vicious cycle, and you both need to decide to stop it from getting worse.

Not that anyones cheating, but they always say he who is insanely suspicious about their partner cheating/lying without reason is probably because he knows he himself is cheating/lying, and getting away with it.

Hope this helps!

S.A.M.

I agree with Secret_Agent_Man. Everything his said is quite correct. I'm merely posting to emphasis one point he made.

Not that anyone's cheating, but they always say he who is insanely suspicious about their partner cheating/lying without reason is probably because he knows he himself is cheating/lying, and getting away with it.

The old saying "He who doth protest to much is usually guilty". I think you guys are stuck in a viscous cycle of mistrust, betrayal, and the 'tragic' relationship syndrome. Even if you are both being loyal to each other, you will never believe it. Don't build a tower on a foundation of sand. Trust is bedrock, You're in the middle of a desert.

And it's like no matter what I say lie or truth he thinks it's all lies anyway.

You've gotta kidding me, you really don't understand this?

Good for him, he's being very reasonable, in my opinion.

If he believed everything unquestioningly, you could set him up for major problems. He's got to protect himself. It seems you two are in some kind of weird power struggle to have the upper hand. Is there a tape accross the end of your relationship and whoever races accross it first wins? Congratulations, you've out-decieved your boyfriend, now it's over. I don't get it. My suggesstion: stop lying.