Helplessly Looking for Love

I would like to know if someone can answer my question. I believe that a lot of times in life that people use sex as a way to feel loved. Does this make that person a sexual addict? Is it possible for someone to have had a extensive appetite for sex, to truly fall in love with another person, where sex is not the primary factor in their relationship? I have a man in my life for the past many years including his marriage has only had relationships based on sex. In this relationship it is different, we do have sex, but it is healthy sex, compared to the 3+ times a day he was having sex previously. He has told me many times that no one has ever made him feel the way that I do. I like to cuddle and hold him at night, and we also lay in bed and talk every night for atleast an hour if not more. I would say that on an average we have sex 3- 6 times per week, initiated sometimes by me sometimes by him I would say that it is a 50/50 split on the initiation.

I have always thought that sometimes people feel like sex and love are the same thing, I was married to 2 people like that. I know that they are not the same thing and that there is a big difference in having sex with someone you love, and just having sex for gratification.

Is it possible for someone to spend 55 years of their life searching for the right person to love them, for them, not for what they have or who they are, but just because that someone else loves them. He is a very prominet individual, who is the president of a faily large company. I love him for what he bring in our relationship, and for the way that he makes me feel and I how I feel with him, not for any other reason.

Sp what I want to know is this, is he sexually dysfunctional, or has he truly spent his whole life just wanting to be himself, and to be loved?

Any advise on this?

That's a loaded question and I'm no psychologist but a lot of what you talk about goes back to a person's childhood.

A lot of our demons in adulthood are due to what we lacked in childhood. There are people who were never loved (or felt loved) as children by their parents that get into the trap of mistaken sex with love because they have no real experience with true love.

We all want unconditional love. Love that is not based on a particular aspect of ourselfs (so that if that characteristic changed or left we wouldn't be loved anymore). He doesn't sound like a sex addict. A sex addict is someone who needs sex in ways that most of us would find disturbing. Multiple partners who he doesn't know well many times a day at the cost of his relationship, family life, job etc. Where sex is as much of an addiction as alcoholism, drugs etc.

That said, he may say he has never have felt as loved as when he has been with you but that will be put to the test in times of conflict.

Thanks for your reply, I would like to tell you that although his mother loved him and he loved his mother, she din't protect him from his older brother, who beat him up all the time, until he got big enough to kick his brothers butt. His younger brother who he loves dearly, and protected all of their childhood, I think that relationship is fine, they are very close and I know that he loves his younger brother. Dad who is still alive, he says that he respects him, but that is all.

One point that I should make clear is that he is still married, although he doesn't ever go there when his wife is home and she knows that he is with me. I don't understand why they stay married, however that part doesn't bother me.

I truly believe that all he has wanted is someone to love him and I love him unconditionally. There are things that I would not tolerate and he knows that I wouldn't. Relationships with other women is one of them. I can understand the staying married because of the finacial aspects, but I do know that he is working on that, so that his wife doesn't get everything that he has worked his butt off for, for so many years.

We have great communication, which I think will limit our conflicts.

Thank you for seeing my input as positive, I know that there is someone for everyone, and I guess that I have been lucky enough to know when I am in a situation that isn't working.

I think that everyone can find true love, if they don't look so hard at it. I have never thought that falling in love is something that you should have to work at, but rather something that happens and no matter how you try you can't stop it.

I have been in relationships before that were loveless and just plain unhealthy, and lucky for me I was able to see that and get out before I got "comfortable" being a relationship.

For me if there is not love there is not comfort in a relationship.

I do love this man with all my heart, and sometimes I feel like he is just searaching for his soul, I think that it got lost somewhere along the way.

I do think that he is finding it, now, although. Partly I think that he knows that I love him, not for what he has or who he is in society, but because, he is a loving and caring person, who makes me feel loved.

I hope that you find love someday and don't settle for anything less than the real deal. you are just wasting your time if you do trust me on that.