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Thread: my girlfriend want to date other guys

  1. #1
    Member Cuu's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003

    my girlfriend want to date other guys

    just venting...


    5yrs relationship over just a lil under 2 weeks ago. she's already talking about wanting to date other guys. i told her that i think it's too soon and kinda disrepectful to me. she told me she's fine if i was dating other people too. the problem is i don't want to start dating, but i told her it's ok if she does (it kills me to say it). i'm a real jealous freak and just learned not to be.

    my problem is i'm afraid to fall in love again. i don't get how she can forget everything we've had so quickly. are all girls like this? cuz if they are, i can't see myself ever liking another girl in my lifetime. i can't stand the crying and the heartaches any longer. i hate love. love sucks a big one. i hate girls. they all just want the easy way out and end things like it was just a game for them.

    there are so many things going through my mind right now. i do not want to share them with you, because you'll all tell me to seek help. i've been betrayed, and i'll never search for love again.

    she gave me some old cliche saying if we're meant to be blah blah blah..
    i told her i can respect her decision, and i'll wait for her to come back.
    but deep down i know she ain't coming back. she wants to leave me so she can go clubbing with her friends while i'm at home worrying about my business. business isn't doing so well so i'm constantly worrying. still doesn't give her any right to go freaking some guy at a club. i don't mind her dancing with guys, but freaking them isn't right. i mean, what guy would like to have their girlfriend getting grinded by some other guy??

    also, i have a quick question for all the girls. do you girls feel all tingly with your man all the time? my gf said she doesn't feel that anymore. i know 5 yrs can do that to a relationship. i told her i didn't feel it anymore too, because she doesn't care about me enough for me to feel it. but i do love her like crazy.

    i think about suicide all the time. :2gunfire: please don't tell me i need help. i want the hurt to stop so bad. i just want everything to be ok again. 5 yrs wasted and i ain't about to waste another 5 yrs.

  2. #2
    Member BeenCheated's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Look on the bright side, at least you didn't have any kids.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    You're talking like your still together. Yes, it is quite disrespectful to start seeing other people after 2 weeks of ending a long term relationship, but you don't really have any right to ask her not to anymore now you've broken up. She's not committed to staying faithful to you anymore. As for you, you can make your own mind up as to when you start seeing other people, and it's perfectly natural not to want to fall in love again for a while after the end of serious relationship, but that feeling will pass. I'm a man, and although you ask the girls, this is my take on your last question. The tingly feeling you get at the start of the relationship does pass, turns into something different, just a real deep happiness and satisfaction when that person is around. The tingly exciting stuff you still get, just not all the time. It's all a part of a relationship developing. The tingly trembling thing I think is a sign of falling in love, that initial infatuation and excitement when lust starts to turn to something deeper, the lovely warm, happy, womb like feeling with someone, I think is a sign of a mature relationship that's developed past the infatuation stages. But again, the tingly trembly exciting feelings should come back sometimes when things get passionate

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Northern Ireland, UK
    Hi Cuu

    Sounds like you're going through a tough time, so hopefully we at can do our best to help you.

    It's good that you've accepted that she may not come back to you. Many people in your situation don't reach that step for a long time. I know this from personal experience, and do understand how you feel.

    The advice you'll get may sound cliched, but that's only because it's true. It will take time. You will get over it. How you go about it is up to you. The most obvious way would be to lean on friends, talk to them about it. Don't bottle it up. Go out and have some fun - something that won't remind you of your ex. It will help you to see a world without her, trust me. Basically, keep yourself as busy as possible, and time will take care of the rest.

    I know what you mean about not understanding how women can do the things they do at times, but let's face it - us blokes can do it too. We maybe just don't realise it. You'll only torment yourself by trying to analyze what she has done, because you'll never know. Chances are she doesn't fully know herself.

    Try writing down everything you feel and send it to her, then cut contact. Don't make her feel guilty though, because that will just drive her away even more.

    Best of luck!!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Cuu , i recently broke up with my boyfriend of 6yrs and i know how you feel but i will agree with you about go out with guys too soon i mean for me it will be hard to fall in love over again if i am going to go out with any other guys im going to be friends with them first . it will take time to get use to life just tell her how you feel and stay contact as friends still thou

  6. #6
    Member Cuu's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Its so hard to stay positive. Thanks for all your replies. I've basically read all the threads here and learned a lot from you guys. I've tried talking to all my friends about this, but there are only so many friends that are willing to listen to the same thing over and over. They do help me forget reality for a few hours, though. It's just that I exploded tonight because today is our 5yr anniversay.

    I lay down on my bed and I see flashes of our moments together. I also have been having weird dreams. I see my ex (yeah, it does feels weird calling her my ex) with another guy and I'd wake up breathing heavily punching the air. Hehe, I'm going insane.

    I just want to vent here, because I think my friends are tired of me. please don't feel obligated to reply. This is very theuraputic for me. I get drunk and type out how I feel. It helps me make it through to see another day. Thank you.

  7. #7
    Hey Cuu,

    You are not alone, i am going through the same process. My girl left me 4 days ago after five and half years, and the day before her 21st birthday. She also wants to go out clubbing, in fact she did last night which I agree, was incredibly quick and hurts to know that other guys were out there with her. I dont have any real hard answers for you, but I can tell you what I did and maybe it will help.

    The most important thing is find some support. Friends, family, here, wherever, just find someone you can open up to and tell them everything. I am competely changing a lot of my habits also. I went out to a bar the other night at midnight when I had to work at 5 the next morning, so what if its late.....its something I would have never done before when I was with her. In my case I have an Ex before her that I've remained friends with, I'm taking her out as friends just to kinda cut loose a little bit, help me catch the reality of it. Do what you can to stay away from her or anything that reminds you of her, as hard as it may sound.

    As for her feelings, she feels the exact same way my girl said. She loves me, but not IN love. She feels tied down, all shes ever known is our relationship and she wants to experience new things (clubbing and guys). My partake on this has changed a lot in these past days. At first I thought, what did I do wrong??? But now it is, she just needs to find herself and realize who she is. The truth of it is, you know her better than anyone. If you think she is the type of person who wants a relationship, family-oriented, and NOT the club type or multiple guy type, she probably isnt. She just needs to know herself for sure. The best thing is to let her go out and find out that she isnt like that. Let her try it and see, because once she realizes that shes not that type of person, chances are she'll come back to where her roots are laid best.
    I think you should get the mind-set that its her loss (even though its hard). Think of it as "hey, fine. I can go out and have fun too then." The moment she starts thinking you wont be there waiting for her when she comes back is the moment when she starts to think aboiut things totally different. I got lucky and told mine last night before she went out. I told her I wanted her to have fun, go out and find out who she really was. That I know who she really is and that I know shes not the clubbin type but instead the relatinoship/commited type. Until she realizes that on her own though, she will always wonder. Give her space, tell her if you dont call that its not because you dont care. Start moving ahead with your life and if she decides thats not the way she wants to live, she'll let you know. And if she deicdes she does want to be in the clubbing thing and "freak" with all the guys, then she's a different person than the one you started dating anyhow and its easier to move on knowing that. Good luck, I know exactly how you feell. PM me if you need anything at all.


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