Problem in the office...

I've been working at my job(law firm) for 3 months now(became permanent Friday, so I'm ecstatic!) but anyways, in like my first month this guy out of nowhere emails my email and says something like "I've seen you around the office and know you are new, was wondering if you were interested in grabbing lunch one afternoon." Now I had no idea who this guy was or anything, but the great thing about my job is that we have this database in access called the "faces" book and it's awesome because it has everyone's picture in it. There are like 400 employees and when you're brand new, it's extremely hard to remember all those you meet, so if someone says hi to you in the hall, you can look up their picture and find out their name. Well, I found this guys name and I was kinda shocked because he looked so much older than me, but I figured, it's an office thing, probably just trying to be nice to the new people, and one of my friends told me he does this with a lot of people. So we went to lunch. Well, after lunch he asked if I'd like to go out to dinner(mind you during lunch I pointedly mentioned I had a boyfriend so he wouldn't get the wrong idea). I told him I couldn't make dinner as I work in DC but live like an hour+ away with traffic and the last bus that I can catch home leaves at 6:15...I get off at 5:30.

Since then we've met a few times, I'm desperately trying to keep it friendly, but lately I've been getting emails that I'm not sure if I'm reading too much into it or if his interest level is a lot higher than mine. He's also like 33 years old...I'm 19, and while I don't find anything wrong with other people dating like that, since it's legal, I do not find myself attracted to such older men.

My boyfriend knows about him and sometimes he gets jealous, but mostly he just finds it amusing that this guy is interested in me. However, with the emails I'm getting lately, I'm not sure if I should continue to see him even on a friend's basis to keep him from getting the wrong idea. He's a nice guy and I don't mind hanging out with him, but some of the emails he sends makes me uncomfortable. Like today. yesterday he caught up to me as I was running to catch the bus and talked for a bit before going our separate ways. So today I get an email that says "Get your bus ok? U looked gr8, y'day, btw..." I know it doesn't sound awful, but these advances make me uncomfortable, especially as he told me he didn't care if a girl was attached or not, if she wasn't married, she was fair game. Which made me feel as tho he plans to pursue me and expects me to give in.

I don't know what to do. Like I said, he's a good friend, but these advances bother me and it's obvious he has no respect for the fact I have a boyfriend. What should I do?

it sounds kinda like a spooky situatian maybe you should stop hanging out with him kinda give him the cold shoulder. if that doesn't work suggest that other coworkers join you

In order to save yourself even more grief in the long run, I would say something now. He may not be coming onto in the emails but if they are making you uncomfortable, he needs to stop. Is it possible that he doesn't know how old you are? Aside from the age difference, you also have a boyfriend and you could just bring that up. If the guy tried to shrug it off like "Well, I was just being friendly." Tell him that you understand but that you have a boyfriend, you are coworkers and the emails and attention makes you uncomfortable. You don't even need to bring up the age thing, which IMO is a little creepy. Good luck

First, re-read your last few lines...you say "he's a good friend..." No he is not! Unless you define 'good' in a different way than the dictionary. Repeat after me...HE'S A CREEP, HE'S A CREEP, HE'S A CREEP! Repeat it until you get it, because he's counting on you not figuring that out.

Second, what's he's doing is (in legal terms) harassment, pure & simple. The first lunch invite? No. The continued pursuing? YES!!!

The very fact that he's told you he has no regard for attachments should have clued you in. I'm a little surprised you didn't see through this cretin (you're 19, not 12, right?) But I'm at least glad your instincts tell you something isn't right & that you asked for input.

Don't mean to sound harsh to you, but I am so disgusted about this because this CREEP probably hits on everything that comes along...especially the younger (i.e., innocent) ones.

Good Luck & don't forget...HE'S A CREEP - Don't worry about hurting his feelings (he has none). Whatever he asks, program yourself to answer, "NO!" Why? Because HE'S A CREEP!

In my defense, a lot of times I've been chased by people who could care less about attachments, it's today's society. A lot of people are a lot more open to the "playing the field" aspect. As far as my age, I am 19 years old, and yes you can call me naiive. But also remember, I'm from a small town, this is my first "real" job and it's not in some small town law firm, it's in one of the most prestigious law firms in the country. All I can say for my naiivety is, it was my first month, I was extremely overwhelmed by everything I was experiencing. I know that I should have listened to my gut instinct when he asked me out to dinner, and that I should have told him off then, but I'm just not that type of person.

Yes he knows how old I am, as I was upfront with everything. I even pointedly asked him how old he was and about fell out of my chair when the age was stated. Thankfully though, my boyfriend received a call right after I wrote this as he is trying to win a job here as well and maybe once he gets here, this guy will take a hint. Also thankfully he is not on my floor and I rarely see him.

Thank you everyone for the different courses of actions to take. For now, I will ignore him and if his advances persist, I will go to the woman who hired me as she works in HR and is a good friend of mine and my families and see if she can do something about it. I would say that would be the most mature thing to do as it was mentioned this is harassment and should be reported. I have tried to let him down easy to no avail and do not wish to cause a scene in the office by calling him a "creep" or anything of that nature. I like my job, I wish to keep it. Thanks again everyone for your help.

Yay!!! Sounds like you are on the right track. Didn't mean to sound so harsh, but I was worried about you. I'm not now because I think you are seeing him for what he is...No, you don't have to call him that to his face. Just think it each time you see him (or hear from him) & you won't ever fall for his "friend" line.

Best of luck with your exciting new job & a boyfriend who sounds great!

considering you work in a legal environment this person should be well aware of the term "Sexual harassment". It's a major crime and is punishable. I agree with the other response you received on this topic, you need to inform him right now that he's making you uncomfortable and that the advances he's pursueing with you are unwelcomed and you want him to stop. Also, I would start printing off the emails he sends to you in order to cover your own a** (parden the use of wording). In fact send him an email along with telling him in person that he needs to stop and print off a copy for your files. Start keeping notes with times and dates stating what happened and what was said. This person has major issues and is obviously too sure of himself. Too many women are afraid of saying anything especially when it's a new job, however if the situation is brought up to a supervisor it can not be discussed between individuals outside of those involved or they will also be within grounds of termination from employment. When walking out to catch your buss, if you feel it necessary for your own safety, have someone you trust walk with you in order to witness anything that could possibly happen. This man is not someone I would want to consider a friend, he's more like a stalker than anything. Don't give him the amusement of joining him for lunch, that's sending mixed signals. Be strong and stand your ground and he'll hopefully back off, however, don't wait to kick it in the butt either.

Amen!

Being a guy, I still can feel your concerns. Being an older guy myself, younger women ARE attractive but the chances of me scoring with a younger girl are slim to none. What I would do....

Flat out tell him you're not interested in him. Tell him it's because he is older and tell him you don't want to see him no more.

As a last resort, if it ever comes down to it and he's pig-headed enough not to take a hint, report him to your HR. If he has any conscience he'll back down immediately. If he doesn't take your first rejection, then he is a complete buffoon.