trashing the bride's parents

My American daughter and her now Russian husband had announced that they would be eloping and told parents on both sides that they were not allowed to come. The groom-to-be informed his mother and left her screaming and crying from the balcony of their home. They told my husband and I and we were also very hurt, but realizing we had no choice and out of love for our daughter we accepted it. Immedieatly following her marriage she informed me she wanted to have his immediate family over to meet us, she wanted to humiliate them, as they live in an apartment and do not own a home and she doesn't care for her. This was very upsetting to me to know she'd do this to someone elses mother. They both then wanted to have a reception, we tried to postpone it to pull some money together, but they wanted it NOW. Experienced at wedding cakes, I baked a two-teir, three layer cake and prepared and bought various buffet dishes to put together a reception to her specifications. After arriving to her home (delivering the food to the 3rd floor), where they wanted the reception, her husband told me there was too much food, his mother was bringing food so mine would have to go. I chose to ignore his harsh words and unpacked the food as quickly as possible. To my suprize, his mother had also brought in a great deal of food. The ice my food had been tranported in dribbled on the carpet, and he flipped out scolding me like a child, fanning his finger in the air. It was a very uncomfortable situation to be in, as not only had they excluded everyone from the wedding, but there was also language and culture barriers. His family sat at one table and ours at another, and her brother didn't show up 'til everyone was leaving. As I sat their I began to feel very sick to my stomach, as she said she didn't want to cut the cake, and people were starting to leave, I left as well. After returning home,approx. an hour drive, I called her and she didn't really care how her husband had spoke to me. She seemed to take pleasure in it, which was the final blow, leaving me first hurt, then angry. I kept returning calls, but she refused to pick up the phone...a week has now past. She has cut off communication. Aside from the disrespectfulness in this marriage, we got a call from her apartment manager before their marriage, saying that they think he's abusing her. She has denied it though, but mentioned the police had been there because one of there fights were so loud. And, yes, we did spoil her rotten with love and attention. Would love to hear what you would do????? : mad:

What a sad situation to be in. Essentially, you have at least for the moment "lost" your daughter, but so has the Russian family lost a son. I cannot know better than you why she chose to hurt you and herself this way, but clearly she has some anger and rebellion to work out. I think the person you can help most in this situation is yourself, as well as your husband. Draw closer to him and be strong for each other, and present a united front to your daughter. Do not let her walk all over you, however hard it may seem, and eventually, when this marriage almost inevitably ends, be there for her if she so chooses to seek your help. I also think that if you ever witness any physical abuse, you are well within your boundaries to call the police, whether it's in Russia or the United States. Your daughter will hate you for it, but you need to stand on some principals of your own. Best of luck. I hope this helps.