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Thread: Could it really be me?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2003

    Could it really be me?

    Alright, I'll try to keep this as short as possible, but if anyone could help me, it really would be very much appreciated.

    So in the past year I have had three relationships.

    1- June 25 my girlfriend and I began dating. For 10 months as dated until mid april of 2003. Im 17 so thats a long relationship. We broke up (her dumping me) becuase of distance (New York to Cleveland, Ohio) but basically we still "loved" each other. My issue with the relationship was a lack of effort and effection on her part. We were great together, but whenever it was a visit time it was always me sending emails, letters, calling daily. She sort of just hung on there, and I did all the work.

    2) April after our break up (which was a long drawn out "lets take a break... meets dumping between Jan, and April) so but april I was more than ready to move on. There was actually another girl who had a HUGE (almsot obsessive) crush on my since the previous august (8 months of basically hanging on every bit of news she heard of me). So when I was hanging out with her and she turned out to be really sweet I decided, hmm, this could be great. She cares for me as much as I naturally care for any significant other of mine, so we'll be 50/50 in the relaitonship, and I wont feel like im being taken for granted. Well - after 2 weeks of being together, she basically didn't call (as it would turn out in retrospect she had not called all that much in the first 2 weeks but i had..) so i (under the advice of a friend) decided to wait for HER to initiate conversation. 2 full weeks went by, nothing. --- when i finally called her and kind of, confronted her she was sweet and admited that she had been neglecting me, but none the less that conversation ended in us breaking up.

    3) Finally last week I was at an amusement park with some friends. One in particular was someone I always had a little crush on.. SHe and I got away for a little while and I told her about the previos two girls, and how i just wished i could be in a relationship with someone who cared for me just as much, and there was no "hard work" to keeping the relationship fresh.. in other words, it should just be naturally effectionate. So in the past 2 weeks we've gone out 5 times (its summer so its easier) and every time we had a good experiance.. But then this past monday (4 days ago) when she came over and we hung out it seemed as though she just didn't care (we were going to meet at 7 and she called from a friends at 7:30 saying "do you still want to do something tonight?" Then last night she came over (supposed to at 7 but said she was going out with friends and wouldn't be ready till 9) and then at 11 said "i have to go, my friend wanted to get together) She's always doing things which is normal and fine, but its like she's scheduling me in, and doens't really care.

    SO my question is basically- are all girls out there just uninterested in having a nice relationship with someone? Becuase I've had all three types, LONG TERM (10 months) Short term (5 weeks) and Nothing (just a friendship moving closer) -- And all of them result in the girl just being herself, and the guy working to make sure they spend time together, or are more than just friends (in the 3rd case).

    Is it me?

    It is women?

    What am I doing wrong? I know i worry too much, and this can be the result of a slight lack of trust in mankind after getting my heart ripped out by my first love. But what really is the whole deal here?

    Thank you,


    email removed

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2003
    I don't know your whole situation, but is it possible you are coming on too strong for them? Women like "nice guys", but they really hate it when a guy smothers them with attention, affection, etc...

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2003

    nope.. good call, but not it.

    I understand the concept that it seems like maybe I came on too strong, but in reality I know thats not it, because for the 1st relationship it was 50/50 at first, we called each other every day, it just was natural. But as we kept going out soon it was natural for me to catch an extra moment and send her an email, or call when i'd get home, but for her it was more of a hassle, responsibility almost.

    with the other girl whom dated she admited that she was taking me for granted and felt bad.. It wasn't that i called too often, or smothered her, she just for whatever reason i cant come up with determined her huge obsessive crush meant nothing after i returned the emotion.

    with the most recent (current) iterest - i have shown no confrontation or questioning of why she isn't as effectionate as she once was, so her acting this way is stricktly in response to things other than how i act towards her. Like i said 5 times (2 were short little hi, byes) in the past 2 weeks, but basically i've been really taking it slow, and comfortably..

    I just hate how i spend my time thinking of someone else, and they dont reciprocate.. BUT im not a bad guy, im not some lunatic, or stalkerish guy either..

    I really am just your everyday nice guy who thinks that a girlfriend is an important thing in your life, and that girls should be treated very well. And that the guy and the girl should both be excited to see each other (not solely one another) but still interested in spending time togehter.

    and ideas on why i cant find this happiness?


  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Personally I don't think most girls at that age are ready for a serious relationship, hence the scaredy cat act when it comes to actually finding a "nice" guy. Just my own opinion on it. Not that all girls don't want one, I'm just saying a lot find it appealing initially but then they get side tracked. Same with males too. There are the ones who want to have a real relationshp at that age though, it just takes time. Its not you.

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