My children are exploring sexually

My 9yo son and 8yo daughter are exploring eachother sexually, i have been told this is normal. My son doesn't live with me. my daughter does. i also have 2 younger daughters 4 and 3yo. thus far, nothing has happened between or to them. I have cought my eldest two befor. and have explained till i am blue in the face on how unacceptable there behavior is. They are now at the age where i feel they know what they are doing, when asked why they both say " it feels good" . I don't know what else to do about this. part of me wants to send my daughter away when my son is here to protect her. but then she never sees her brother, part of me wants to not allow my son to come back. but i can't do either. unfortunately when my son is with me and something happens, his father does not help. refuses to get him counceling etc. He has never helped.my son is also ADHD. He is very smart and acceles at everything he does. makes A's in school. etc. It is easy to talk to him, he is honest with me. but i can't seem to get throught to him how important it is not to be doing sexual things with his sister. If anyone has been throught this and can help please i need advise. thanks

well, I'm not really sure at all how to deal with this, but if it's any reassureance at all, my two younger cousins went through the same thing when they were 6 and 7, and they're fine right now. They just grew out of it. All I can say is that if they don't show any signs of stopping dispite you're talking, you may need to get a proffesional. Maybe a pediatrician would be the best way to go, or a child psychologist.

damn that was too funny. Seriously though, thats not normal. Maybe if they were displayed to the peers or people their age they realize the embarrasement. Its also not healthy to separate bros and sis's.

i think i handled the situation the best i could, i didn't beat any asses. they both spent some time in separate rooms. then i talk to each of them separately. i feel i am not reaching them. my biggest fear is my daughter. becouse things happened to me as a child, and my own father is in jail now for messing with kids. i am so affraid that if someone like an adult touches her she wont tell me, he own brother did and she didn't tell me. then to find out it has been going on the last 3 days,

i remember being a kid and knowing my parents were so stupid to not know things i did, and now i see what they went through.

I keep getting told it only gets worse as your kids get older. and OMG i have 3 girls to protect

Of course this is natural behavior! Can't you read? Pick up any book or article on the topic and you will see that this is very normal.

Children that are embarrassed or made to feel shame for exploring grow up to be sexually inhibited adults!

You should talk with both children and let them know that it DOES feel good and that it is perfectly fine to touch themselves. Tell them that it is very inappropriate to touch each other as they are brother and sister. Let them know that they should never touch themselves with anything other than their hands because they could hurt themselves.

Leave it at that and if they continue with each other, have another talk with them and let them know that it cannot be accepted but that you still love them. Tell them what they are feeling is natural and loving but not to touch each other.

Relax mom....you don't need to break your family up over this. Pick up a book to learn more.

RLM,

Thanks for the advise, yes i can read, and have been searching the net for this, i am aware that it is normal, but things seem different when it is your own children.

as to what to say to them was mostly the advise i was looking for. thanks again.

This is similar to what happened to me and my experience has left me scarred for life mentally, but mine was involuntary. My advice would be to split them up and only let them see each other in large groups, and let your daughter sleep at friends when your son is staying. I would also tell them the urban legend of babies turning out mutilated when brother and sister have sex use this to describe why it is wrong!

No, it isnt normal. It isnt completely abnormal, but it isnt normal.

Hmmm. It's easy to tell somoene it is normal, but that's not the point. You have to tell your daughter that those are her private parts, and only she are allowed to touch it, and even if somoene else touch there, and it feels good, she HAS to tell you becouse it is her private parts, and ONLY she should be allowed to touch it. Telling her that it is wrong and dirty etc. only makes it ugly in her mind, and will result in problems later.

The boy on the other hand I think you should be dealing with him a bit firmer, since he's the older one, and causing trouble. He could be doing this to other moms daughters too, you know. I don't think she discouvered this on her own, he must be teaching her. Simply tell him his sister is off limits, and give him a warning. If this behaviour persist, don't threaten, carry out your warning. This will show him you are serious. Maybe you should show him pictures of babies born out of incest. Make sure to tell him sex is not bad, but between family it is WRONG.

Sheeeezzz, I hope you sort this out soon, I think it is every partent's nightmare at some point.

I don't think that being that graphic with a child is needed. I do believe that the behavior can't be allowed to continue.

Keep talking to them but also you should try a preventative method. Strict supervision - they don't need to play together without an adult present in the immediate area. If they are being watched better then it can't happen.