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Thread: Need advice on teen son

  1. #1
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    Need advice on teen son

    I have what I perceive to be a big problem.

    I have a 15, almost 16-year-old son. He has a female friend on the block named Alyssa. He also has a male friend on the block named Cory. My son spends 99.9% of his time with Alyssa. My son and Alyssa are not boyfriend/girlfriend. Alyssa has a boyfriend and my son and her are just friends.

    She calls here nonstop, sometimes 10 times a day. It drives me insane. If she calls and no one answers, she hangs up and tries two seconds later. I told him to please tell her to stop doing this. The only time she doesn't call is when he's there, which as I said is 99.9% of his time. Alyssa doesn't like Corey so my son basically dumped him. The only time he spends any time at all with Corey is when ALyssa isn't home so basically he uses him which I told him NOT to do and which he insists he doesn't do. From the moment he wakes up, he's down at her house. He comes home for dinner and goes back down again. I asked him what he does there all day. He says "nothing much."

    A few weeks ago a new family moved in next door. Really nice family with a girl his age that he already knew from school. He told me she was really nice and I was SO happy that maybe, just maybe, he would start socializing with someone besides Alyssa. This girl calls all the time and I have to say "Oh, he's not home, he's at Alyssa." Alyssa is his entire social life. Not one friend from school ever calls nor does he call anyone. No one from school ever comes over nor does he go anywhere but Alyssa's house.

    Alyssa, I might add, is a little bit of trouble. She loves to cut school and had him doing it one day. She loves to eat and he's gained 10 pounds in the last year. She is not a scholar by any means and he's been lazy, not doing his schoolwork.

    I told him that he needs to start expanding his horizons and find some other friends. I told him to stop hanging out at her house all day long and to try to be somewhat nicer to the new neighbors instead of saying hi and walking away. As soon as I finished my speech, guess where he went. Right back down to Alyssa's house.

    Yesterday all the kids were in my pool with my daughter. Where was he? Sitting inside Alyssa's house on a beautiful day. He didn't understand why I called him to come home. He thought dinner was ready and it wasn't. He then proceeded to go downstairs to get on the computer to talk to Alyssa.

    I am at my wit's end. I want him to have another friend besides this girl but yet, can I force him to stay away from here.

    Anyone have any answers for me?

    Thank you.

  2. #2
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    Eep chosing friends

    I know that you are at your wits end about your son. I would feel the same way. But maybe he hangs out with her because you don't want him to. After all, he's a teenager. It's in the rule-book to do the opposite of what your parents want. I've got some more ideas too. What if Alyssa is depressed and she needs him? I remember I had a friend with depression, and I lived at her house pretty much for awhile because she "needed me". How could I tell her no? Think about the reasons why you're upset. Do you not like the fact that Alyssa's a girl? My best friends are boys; I relate to them better because I am the only girl in my family. Maybe he relates to her well. Or they could be doing something naughty like doing drugs (probably unlikey), but it's up to you to find out before he gets in trouble. Maybe you should try to get to know Alyssa better. I know it's nearly impossible, but just try to see it from his point of view? Once you've accomplished a point of view change, you can talk to him one on one about your point of view and come to an understanding.

  3. #3
    Member dextro's Avatar
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    Hi there, you sure it's not his girlfriend? Maybe he's scared of your reaction. And if you want hm to meet some new peeps why don't you invite them over your house? It reminds my sister when she was a bit younger she does that... You may talk to her parents as well. I hope it helped a bit.

    peace

    Jeff l. Spiegel

  4. #4
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    Thanks, both of you, for your reply.

    I know Alyssa very well, they've been friends for years already. I also know her parents. If their kids cut school or take drugs, it's okay with them because according to Alyssa's mother "I did it, so if I told them not to do it I would be a hypocrite."

    Aside from the parents, who are losers, I don't even hate Alyssa. I don't. I told him I didn't hate her and that I didn't mind him hanging out with her, which I don't. I just asked him to spread himself around a little bit more and make some new friends because it's not good to devote his time to just one person.

    You're right, my son definitely does relate better to girls and I'm fine with that. He's not a "manly man", doesn't do sports and that's fine too. He's a great kid, he's funny and smart. SItting inside this girls house all day is just not healthy. I could ban him from going there but I hate to do that. I want him to do it on his own.

    She's definitely NOT his boyfriend. I know this for a fact. If she was, I would understand his obsession with her. He doesn't even TRY to meet anyone else, that's what's got me so worried. It's her and only her.

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  6. #5
    Silver Member Gilgamesh's Avatar
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    If he was hanging with Cory the same way, would this bother you the same way? when i was a teen, whoever was my best friend at the time is the one id spend all my free time with.

    Also one major thing we are forgetting, think about your friends! why do you have them? because you relate? have things in common? have the same interest? yes!!, its not about convinience its about getting along, he gets along with Alyssa, they enjoy each others company, and so far the only thing they have done wrong (that you know) is that they played hookie one time, may i remind you, they are teens, id say 90% of kids have played hookie at least once in their lives.

    Now, I do believe they have something more than just "friendship" and I hope someone has talked to him about being responsable, his dad if available should in a non judgmental way, just tell him how to be careful, and use condoms etc. these two like each other, and she may or may not have a B/F but who is she spending her time with?

    on the other hand she could just be a good friend,, please mom, dont try and choose his friends you cant force someone to like someone else. he is 15 , yes your child, but not a baby.

    As for the phone, hey thats what teens do! and thats why so many parents get a second line. heck i have a 11 year old nephew thats on the phone for hours at a time, he had like 15 girls that liked him, he chose just one, 11 years old OMG! how times have changed.

  7. #6
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    you need to put your foot down...

    Hey,
    I really think that you need to start to put your foot down. Yes your son is almost 16 but that does not change the fact that he lives under YOUR roof which means he follows your rules. My best frind who was like a sister to me my whole life and I had grown up with from the day I was born basicaly because our mothers have been friends since they were 6 went through the same thing except she was in your sons shoes. Her mother felt that she couldent stop her from going over her friend Justins house and wanna know what happened, she ended up moving in with her friend and his mother because her so called "friend and his mother brain washed her. You need to set your foot down becuase things will only get worse and for all that you know your son could get involved in drugs also, I dont think you want that. THis girl is obviously a bad influence. I am also 15 years old and im not a loser or anything I have lots of friends and lots of people wish they could be me im bringing that up to show that I understand how teens work and all the pressures of life and how influencial people can be, and even I can see that things are not headed in the right direction... If he says that he is going to this girls house tell him no, he cant and that he spends to much time with her. Take away phone prileges and internet privleges of his if you must. Tell him to hang out with other people and to get out and be a normal teenager. im trying to cut a long story short here but if you want to email me or im me my screen name is im2cute4u71188 or email me at email removed and will talk more in privite.. *Aimee* hope from what I have said is somewhat of a help

  8. #7
    Member dextro's Avatar
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    Well, I don't know your kid as well but I know when I get along about 90% if my time with a girl... it involved something more than friendship. I agree with what gilgamesh said... his advice are THE thing.

    peace out

    Jeff l. Spiegel

  9. #8
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    Well do you and your son have an open relationship. It sounds like he may like her or maybe he is a little ashamed to tell you they are going out. Also I hope he isn't smoking pot with her. I was a kid that age and I did it. I also was never home and never talked to my parents. The best advice I can tell you is to talk and be open not critical of your son. It will only push him away if your always trying to pick his friends for him. My mom did that to me and I HATED it. I hope everything is okay and wish you the best of luck!

  10. #9
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    i FEEL LIKE HE IS GAY

    I have read the complete story about your kid, and my opinion is that he is gay and She already knows it, that way he feels like she is the only one person who he can trust with. You will find it later


    I repit,this its my opininon but some chances that perhaps I am wrong.




    English is not my born language.


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