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Thread: What about Men and Commitment

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2003

    What about Men and Commitment

    This is just and extension of Women and Commitment ?What about Men?

    Men do the same thing, I am living proof right now it has been 2 weeks since my live in BF of 4 years decided that he needed space and to be alone to find himself.

    He also said that he needed to know that he could make it on his own and make decissions for himself ? To figure out who he was before he coudl decide what he wanted out of life.

    I don't know I don't get it, but that is coming from a women that does not need to find herself.

    His biggest issue was that he has never been on his own, he has always gone from one realtionship to the next, now I can't say that I am much better but I have been on my own before when my second removed ex went to England for a year to get his Masters Degree, so I guess I already know what it feels like to be on your own for some time at an older age ???
    Personally I think being alone is overrated, especially if you can be your own person in a relationship and there personality complement's you.

    Who know maybe it is similar for women to feel they can do it own there own too ?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Pensacola, FL

    I know exactly how you feel

    I just posted right after you (Why Do I feel so much sadness...)

    My wife left me to experience her independence too. Same circumstances just opposite partners. Are you much older than your boyfriend?

    Like I said in my post, you can do all that you can to move on but the heart is a weird thing - it's careful to let people in and hold on tight to those we love.

    I am still struggling with my own pain and probably can't offer too much help accept to give you insight into what a guy thinks. E-mail me if you want. Good luck.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Hi 2clueless,

    Thank you for coming to for seeking advice. I am sorry to hear that your BF of 4 years decided to leave you to find himself. I understand that you feel a little bit confused over it and that you have questions about it.

    You said: "Being alone is a bit overrated". Is that really right? I tend to believe that especially for a man it is very important to be on his own for a little while, before entering a longterm commitment. Women (or rather girls) in general are being raised in a way that they can take care of themselves. Emotionally as well as in doing housekeeping activities. It's really the traditional way which a lot of people still live in and live up to.

    I have been lucky having been on my own for a longer period. I know how to take care of business. In my life, in housekeeping work and in my work. It has made me very organised and I feel very happy over the person that I am right now. Being alone also shaped me to that very same person. I have had the problem of being pestered in school from childhood till my graduation of high school. That affected me more than I ever thought. I took the time to overcome all that, become more outgoing and kick some serious behind, to start with my own!

    I hope that this reply makes you understand a little better. I wish you good luck and a bright future.

    ~ SwingFox ~

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2003

    I am in the same exact boat!

    My boyfriend and I have only been with each other for 1 year, but he just recently said he needed to have some space and move out so, I quote "I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, no matter what....". He claims that he wants to stay together, and feels the same way as he always has about me. I feel like he must not feel the same about me as I do about him. I think he is afraid of committment, and I don't want to be stuck in a relationship where he can't committ to the same level as I am. Make sense?

    So, I told him if he feels this strongly about it, maybe we should breakup, so I can move on. He thinks this is a form of blackmail on my part....
    It isn't, like I said I want to be with a man that commits on the same level I do. Otherwise, I'll find someone more suitable for me....
    I know its a huge rejection when someone tells you this, but you have to decide if that is the kind of person you want to be with, if it is worth it to you.

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