Girlfriend's Past

I have had a lot of trouble dealing wtih my girlfriend.

First off, I'm 21 and lost my virginity to her last September. I had never even had oral sex or made out with a girl before then. Not as much by choice as it was that I was just always rejected because of suffering from social phobia and a lack of confidence.

My girlfriend, Erica, was raised in the ghetto. She was raped when she was 16. Since then and now She's been with 21 guys and 4 girls and messed around with god knows how many guys and been involved in threesomes, etc....she likes to go clubbing in skimpy outfits, has talked about stripping for money, and is really outgoing.

We met and fell in love. We have been together 9 months now and I know she loves me deeply. We've gone to relationship counseling and she has broke down crying many times because I keep harping at her about her past and whether she's changed or not. She hates the fact that I don't trust her and swears on her entire that she has never cheated on me and never will and that she's changed.

We are moving in together in a month and we already see each other all the time and spend almost every night together. The sex is awesome and she claims on her Mother's name I am the best she's ever had. She says nobody ever treated her the way I do, that I do everything for her and that she loves me to death and woldn't know what to do without me.

Yet, I can't get over her past. She listens to rap and al the SICK lyrics like "POP YOUR ***!" "GIRLS DROP TO THA FLOOR" "SPREAD DEM *** LIPS BITCH" that she listens too AND SINGS bring horrible images to my mind of her having sex with a buncha guys and being a hoe. As far as I'm concerned, before she met me, she was a complete dick-sucking slut whore from hell. She hates me saying that to her but I can't help it.

And she wears tops with no bra and her big breasts stick ou with her nipples pointing. She lets her thong straps show. She dances so SICK..."grinding" on guys. I call it sex with your clothes on.

I dunno...I love her to death and she's the only girl I've ever been with and we have such a great relationship and I do believe her when she says she has never cheated but I swear I am so scared of her cheating one day. It's not really that, it's just the fact that I know she could be with anybody she wants.

I'm really ugly and not very attractive. She's VERY hot and when i bug her asking "YOU WILL NEVER CHEAT ON ME, RIGHT!" she says "V, I COULD BE ***ING SO MANY GUYS IF I WANTED TOO BUT I CHOOSE NOT TOO CUZ I LOVE YOU!"

That drives me crazy that she could go "***" so many guys.

I dunno, I hate the way she was raised...where drugs and promiscious sex is alright and I just hate her clubbing and the way she is. On her AIM profile, it says "To all you guys out there, i'm a FREAK and i luvvv makin' good luv and I got thick theighs."

She is like "IT DON't MEAN NOTHING" but shit....i dunno, i can't stand it. I love her and want to work this out and relationship counseling don't help cuz the therapist is like u just need to get over it but don'tt ell me HOWWWWW.....

Somebody help me stop obsessnig over my gf's past and the fact that she was a total slut ass dick sucking whore before she met me.

PLZ!

THANKS!

Thasandniga at link removed

Let it go, it's her past. If you keep nagging her you'll lose her. She just wants to move on but you won't let her.

If you can't get over it do her a favor and break up with her. You're stunting her personal growth by trying to keep her in the past all the time.

Hello Vsaxena,

To have a future you gotta let go of the past buddy. I agree 100% with Heretic, if this bugs you too much then let her go. Everybody has a past and sometimes we don't like it but hey, it is what it is, the past. Good luck 8) .

damn! Can I get a number out of you? Or some pics?

Naw man, listen, I was the same way. You lack trust. I don't know why, but for some reason you do. You have to think of it this way, if she cheats on you, it's her fault. If you love her, you can let her free....

To me, you are insecure...(She doesn't care about her past, you do) Work on yourself while you are trying to let go.

-J

How can you say you love her sooo much, but then talk about everything that bothers you? This is her past, and yes her past is a part of who she is hence the music she listens to and all of that, but just because she has a past, doesn't mean that's all she is. People do change you know. Love and trust kind of go hand and hand and if you don't trust her, how can you say you love her? Maybe you should just get out of the relationship now and work on YOUR problems so you don't focus so much on hers. You may not realize it, but you are hurting her more by continuing to nag her about her past and things of that nature. Consider going to individual therapy because if you ask me, you're the one with the issues.

hiya V . I was in an entirely similar situation to yourself ( except my ex didn't sleep with that many), i was a virgin before i met her...and her past bothered me ! I really don't like the fact that everyone is busting your balls because you are a little unsettled by her past,attitude to life etc... No woman of your's should be 'grinding' with other guys in clubs. If she told you about her past..she is a fool for thinking it wouldn't bother you...and anyone that says she was just trying to be 'open' with you and 'truthful', is very immature. REVEALING YOUR HISTORY TO A PARTNER DOES NOT BRING YOU CLOSER ( females like telling their bf's their past 4 some reason), it just causes problems,like the one this guy is having to deal with. I'm afraid your relationship is only gonna go downhill from here, because she is not the woman you wished she was...so bro, you gotta find another girl who is the woman of your dreams. GOOD LUCK 8)

Brando is right, Get the hell out.. Don't be with your first piece of ass, I made that mistake with my current wife which is a lieing cheating BITCH that treats me like shit..

Hey V.

Well, that was a very interesting posting. I found it very erotic and almost got turned on reading it. Very descriptive. But seriously V. Here is some advice from the bottom of my heart.

It sounds like you have some serious issues boy. You are about to move in with this girl, and you have all this confusion going on?

How can you love someone and refer to them with all those derrogative terms? I know you have trust issues, but it doesn´t sound like you respect her a whole lot either. Love, true love accepts the other person. She is who she is with her past, her getho raising, and her rap singing about having dirty sex. But she is also the woman that loves you, that you share special times with. That seems to trust you. Either you accept her, the whole package, or not because she is the WHOLE package

Her promiscuity seems to stem not from her being a Ho as you call her but from a very traumatic experience such as a rape.

I think it may be helpful for you to read about people that have been raped and sexually abused at an early age. This is a very painful and horrible thing that will scar the person for life. Usually when people suffer sexual abuse they have problems setting boundaries with their body. Sex becomes a tool to gain acceptance, and a way of subcounciously treating themselves badly. Why don´t you read about rape and sexual abuse victims. You may understand her better and stop judging her. Develop compassion.

Let me tell you something about boyfriends/girlfriends that we take for granted. Even if they tell us dont´really believe it. It is the thing she told about that she could shag a million guys however she chooses to be with you. If she wanted to be with someone else or have sex with many other men she wouldn´t be with you, move in with you, why would she complicate her life? Listen V. the same applies to everyone. You could also be with many girls, sex is a very common and easy thing to get out there. Even if you are ugly as you say. You can pay for it, go to orgies, meet someone for sex in the internet, stuff like that. However you choose to be with her. She may have more experience but you are both equally free.

Your relationship sounds like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hide or a split personality. On the one hand there seems to be a very special, loving a sweet and intimate bond that you share. This bond is beautiful and importnat to you both that you will be moving in together. She also seems to feel very special about you, telling you that none else treated her that way. If she says that believe her. On the other you put her down, and seem to find her almost disgusting, don´t trust her. And there is a huge imbalance between your virginity and her experience.

Perhaps due to your sexual inexpirience you think that having sex is always like when you have it with your girlfriend. No. It is very different to have empty physical sex with strangers or whatever and to make love.

For a woman, making love. Being with someone that you enjoy spending your time with, that treats you in a special way, that you love and loves you back and makes her feel like you do does not compare to the 20+ guys she could have been with. Not at all.

Some guys in your situation may feel special that even though this woman has had such a extensve sexual resume she chose them, and that no one has made her feel the way you do. Also take advantage and learn. Learn, learn, learn. It is a wonderful opportunity to have such an experience partner. Everything has a positive side. So does this.

Your insecurity and putting her down like you do, does not make me think that deep down you really love her. Then again by the way you talk about yourself it doesn´t sound like you love or accept your self very much either. YOu sound extremely insecure V. and not very happy withyourself. YOu put yourself down a lot. I think that is where the main problem is not with your girlfriends past. Maybe by working with a therapist to get to the root of your insecurity you can have a better, more realistic chance of accepting your girlfriends past.

Also sometimes we hate in others what we envy or what we actually reject in ourselfs. Perhaps deep down you wish you had all of your girlfriend´s experience. Perhaps you want to know what it is to have sex with many other people, and be in orgies and stuff. Be truly honest with your self and think about it.

YOur therapist does not sound very effective in the sense that she tells you things but not how to do them. If you are seeking answers it must because you sincerely want to find them. Get another councelor. But you individually. I don´t think your girlfriend and her past is the problem. I think your self steem is. YOur work is withing you.

Well V. hope this has helped. Good luck with your relationship and if I were you I wouldn´t move in together until you felt more comfortable about this whole situation. The way you come off in this letter it sounds like you have a very big problem with this. Moving in with the person I think could make things worst not be a solution.

Take care and enjoy your woman and have lots and lots of sex and great orgams. And if this is your first, consider your self lucky and learn.

Do not feel threated by her knowledge, learn from it. Feel protected by her love.

-Reborn