Trust

I am getting married in two months. I love my fiance very much. There is just one problem. I think he has trust issues. I have never cheated on him or lied to him. I am very faithful to him. Over the past two months he has done things that make me believe he doesnt trust me. When I was not home one day he got on the computer and somehow found all my passwords to my e-mail and messanger and checked everything! I got on the computer very next day and logged in to my yahoo messenger and I went to my message archive and he had conversations with people I never even knew or heard of. He talked to my friends under my name and never said it was him they thought it was me! He told several men to not talk to me in any forum because I was engaged. I let it go and did not confront him. I changed my name and passwords. 1 week later I put a note (love note) in his wallet to surprise him and out fell a pieace of paper with all my new names and passwords! I confronted him and he said he done it to check up on me. I asked him if he trusted me and he said yes. I just didnt understand why he would go to all the trouble to look up my computer passwords to "check up on me". This is not only what has happened. He constantly asks me detailed questions about everything. When He comes home the first thing he wants to know is what i did, where i went, and why. When the phone rings he always wants to know who it is the first minute i am on there. I went to a dance club with him and my girl friends. I went out on the dance floor with just the girls and 15 min later he came and got me off the dance floor and told me i was dancing with guys and needed to straighten up. There was not 1 single guy around! Will YOU PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!

Okay I beg of you, sit down with this man and talk to him. Don't let it get bottled inside because I'm telling you, for the love of god, this is how my relationship ended. Tell him you want to talk and tell him how much you love him and praise every little attribute you love about him and just boost his confidence. Tell him he dosnt need to check up on you because you would never want to be with anyone else. Just communicate with this guy, I wish my ex did that because then we would still be together, but instead she just bottled it up inside and never told me anything and then BOOM, she is done with me. People have insecurity issues, I do sometimes. Make this man feel so special and go out of your way to please him and give him attention. It will only strengthen your relationship and his trust in you.

-Justaguy

I am very scared for you! In my experience most guys that check on their partner's e'mails and convos and will not realize that what they did was wrong and that you have such a thing as PRIVACY! is someone that will control you later in life. He wants to know what you are doing and who you are with. That is okay...but he's obsessing about it. That is one step to far. You are a person independent of him...not a person dependent of him. If he doesn't change and fast! Lose him...you may get hurt! Please please be careful. (If you know some of his ex gfs...ask them about this behavior...they may know something you don't!) Please be careful and take care of yourself.

Hello butterfly123,

You need to really talk to him, he shouldn't be marrying you if he has no trust for you, I believe trust is everything and he obvioulsy doesn't have any for you. He needs to respect your privacy like Jitrenda says, sure your supposed to know about your partner but you gotta draw the line somewhere, right? Talk to him tell him how your feeling, hopefully he'll understand. Good Luck 8) .

Hi Butterfly,

I have a friend similar to your partner. He has no trust for anyone - maybe for his family, and possibly 90% for me and another best best friend, but by and large he trusts no body. He is also as a result a control freak. If he can not handle a situation, he must try and control it.

Example -you are on the dance floor with friends, all of a sudden you get dragged off because he simply is afraid of you getting with someone else. Thats how I see it - I've seen it a few times.

You can try and communicate with this guy and re assure his mind that he is adaquate for you and that he is all the positive things that he obviously is if you want to marry him, but if he does not take heed, you do not want to be married to him when this bites back in a few months. You both need to have a big think about this. Firstly, are you happy to go through the rest of your life being controlled and not trusted by him? I think not! So, the flip side is will he get this sorted inside two months - maybe a bit unlikely. Make sure though that you are 100% comfortable about the situation before getting married - that is of paramount importance. There are far too many implications of jumping into a wedding.

You need to discuss this with him - and you need to let him know that this is making you very unsure about the plans you have made together for the immediate future !!!

Hope this helps

Charmed

I am a man and I can tell you that it is, in my opinion, natural that we all are jealous sometimes. At the same time I think that one important distinction about myself is that I know this is one of my worst qualities. Thankfully, I have a girlfriend who is honest with me, even when it comes to romantic history, as insignificant as it may be, with people she is still friends with today. It hurts to hear but I realize that things that happened before I was in her life are acceptable because I was not involved in any way. It drives me crazy, but I am so confident that she is sincere that I can reassure myself with that thought. Bottom line: realize that all men are jealous, some are better at hiding it, someone might even reply and tell me thats bulls**t...there fooling themselves.

However

You need to confront him because marrige is a big step and lasts a lifetime. EH has crossed the line by invading your privacy. Nothing can stay bottled up forever. BOOM.

I am kind of dealing with the same thing! My boyfriend went through my entire apartment, searched through everything. The problem with him is that he straight up says he doesn't trust me. He is constantly asking me what I am doing, where I am and who I am talking to! He is very insecure! I have told him time and time again that he is the only one and that I love him very much, but he still feels as if I am going to cheat on him. I hope we can talk further, because I think we are going through the same thing.