Can someone give me some advice?

Hello, I have been married for two years and we are going to have a baby in about 5 months. I want to know some of you opinions on my situation. When we first started going out together just like every other relationship it was great, we got married fast, and maybe it was too fast, I don't know. Well now we are married, and like I said going to have a baby and I am afraid of this relationship going down the drain. We hardly have sex anymore, I think he would rather look at porn on the net, who knows maybe I am wrong. He checks out women on the net all the time, porn I mean, it isn't like he is meeting women I understand these girls aren't going to just hook up with my husband, or he is going to hook up with these girls, that's not it. I just don't understand if he doesn't want to be with me, having sex, then why the heck is he checking out naken chics on the net. I don't know maybe I am over reacting, when I ask him about it, he says "oh honey, you are just over reacting, we don't have to have sex every night" but that's it, it isn't every night that I want it, but when you are only have sex maybe 2 to 3 times a month and your suposable love one is checking out porn on the net, what is wrong with this picture? I have even asked him that, and he says the same thing, "you are over reacting" I don't know, maybe if he really does love me he would quit, who knows!! I just feel like we are growing further and further apart, I don't make this "the mission of the day" to find out why we aren't having sex or why he is distant, but I do feel like he should be honest with me, and I have tryed to talk to him several times about alot of different stuff, and I get no where, maybe we need a break from each other maybe we need to break up for good. I don't know!!

If anyone has any advice for me, please send it my way!! Thanks!

I'm just throwing this idea out there, but I have no personal experience to back it up so take it for what it's worth.

Some guys may get freaked out about having sex with a girl who's pregnant. I know, I know, it's probably immature...but have you asked him?

You pose a very complex set of issues, and hopefully we can bring some type of clarity to the situation. I'm heartened by the fact that you are asking the good question 'What do I do to fix things?'. While I don't know the dynamics of your everyday life, it appears as though the principal culprits here are: a lack of true communication; feelings of betrayal; and lack of understanding of each others feelings. Hang on, this will be a VERY long response.

Porn - By and large this is the singlemost significant wedge between you two. Without passing judgement on it one way or another, he probably views it as a harmless distraction, while to you, it reaches the level of being a serious, debilatating breach of trust and commitment. Plainly the two different views are at far opposite ends of the spectrum, which leave little room for discussion or a meeting of the minds. This is causing a snowball effect that causes the rift between you two to continually widen.

I sense his distance is caused by what he PERCEIVES to be a lack of understanding on your part. He's gone beyond the point of understanding how destructive the porn has become,in your eyes, and perversely he is probably now finding it as a place of refuge.

From your view, there are obvious trust and commitment issues here. Even though you are questioning and lamenting the lack of regular intimacy, I'm sure you're also less than motivated to BE intimate. Feeling betrayed and as though you're in competition with these caricatures of femininity is a poor way to set the stage for any physical expressions of love. I won't even begin to get into the issues of self-esteem, and self-image in light of your being pregnant, which undoubtably compound the problem. This lack of motivation just drives him further away.

I'm NOT saying YOU or your actions are driving this at ALL. It's become this living, breathing, self-fulfilling, vicious cycle. Communication has probably greatly diminished between you two. The motivation to do something nice for each other, just out of love, has probably disappeared. Even when either of you two DO do something nice for one another, it's probably viewed with suspicion. This suspicion in turn leads to a feeling of being unappreciated whenever you do a nice thing for each other. The cycle continues on and on and on.

How do you get out this cycle? Well, without professional intervention, it could be a very difficult problem to erradicate. Without oversimplifying, he needs to refocus the energy he pours into the porn back to YOU. The professional intervention comes in as being a way to facilitate communication between you two. For his part: to REALLY understand how destructive his habit has become, and for you: to understand that it was never a competition, or intended as a betrayal. For both of you: you both need to renew your focus on EACH OTHER, and making each other happy. It could be a very long road to repair the damage that has been done to both of you, but the rewards ARE worth it, if you have the wherewithal to stay the course.

Good luck to you both, and your upcoming blessing.