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Thread: Boyfriend looks at "teen porn"

  1. #1
    nolegirl
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    Boyfriend looks at "teen porn"

    My boyfriend looks at porn and does not hide it from me. I know that this is natural and it really doesn't bother me for the most part. what does bother me is the "teen" sex sites. I just turned 33 and the fact that my 32 yr old boyfriend prefers very young women when looking at porn makes me feel horrible. I guess I wonder how he can want me after looking at some 18 yr old child!!!! I don't look anything like those girls. I could have changed their diapers! Is this normal for men to look at really young girls or is it perverted? Someone please help!!!!! I have cried myself to sleep over this...

  2. #2
    StillLoveHer
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    It really is normal, As LONG as they are over the age of 18. At least he doesn't hide it from you.

  3. #3
    bucky
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    hehehe

    hey there....iam a boy.... and i watch porn its perfectly normal....atleast u know he isnt gay!!! hahaha joke..iam telling u maam ud rather havea boyfriend hu watches porn than doesnt....cozeveryone!!! i mean almost everyone watches them...as long as u know he luvs u...then its all good......iam not a professional and all and sum of u people might think this tips stupid...but hey its what i think...i guess he just likes sex..like all men do..

  4. #4
    StillLoveHer
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    I have always tried to tell my wife that whatever mistakes she makes, at least tell me the truth and she will be forgiven, I almost NEVER hide anything from her..

    If he doesn't hide it then be lucky you have such a good guy...

  5. #5
    Dawnie
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    sorry to tell you guys this, but us gals love sex too, the thing is that porn is available to both sexes so go use it see how he feels being compared to a nice pretty boy or summit, jus because guys like sex, it doesn't make it right that they can go purve over some little girls. its not only disgusting its downgrading to u. if he truly loves you then there is only one girls naked body he should be admiring and that is yours because the truth is that, if he really loves you then, you will be the prettiest woman to him no matter what.

  6. #6
    Foreigner
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    Hi Nolegirl,

    From my point of view (I'm a guy) the answer for whether it's ok or not, is - yes and no.

    It is natural and normal for men to be interested in erotica. Moreover, the interest of a man is different from the interest of a woman. Sure, both women and men love sex, as Dawnie has said - "sorry to tell you guys this, but us gals love sex too", but there is a little difference. A man is genetically hard-wired to mate with as much partners as he can, while a woman is not.

    The evolution of the human race has made the perpetuation of a man's genes possible mostly for those who have been the best in "spreading as much semen" as possible and consequently having many offsprings, so that more of them will eventually survive. The fact that the woman is the one who carries the offspring and can carry only one baby at a time (generally speaking...) didn't make mating with many men an advantage for the ancient woman's "genetic survival", while it was a huge advantage for the ancient man's.

    However, being "hard-wired" for having sex with many different women, (that in the modern society comes through as watching pornography), doesn't mean that a man that goes along with his drives does everything right, as it also depends on the circumstances...

    If he watches porn rarely to occasionaly - then it's fine, in particular if these are younger girls, and as some people have already mentioned - it's great that he doesn't hide it from you (of course as long it's respect-driven and not vice versa!).

    If he does it rather frequently, it's another story, and while you are the one and only who can judge the best here, here are some possibilities I see:
    If his pornwatching partially satisfies him sexually, and it interferes with your intimate relationship - you should talk to him about that, and in this case it has nothing to do with the "teen" part which is a separate point.
    However, if it doesn't, and he behaves as lovingly to you as before, your intimate relationship is great, and it only bothers you that the girls are younger than you are without actually seeing a negative effect of this on your sexual relationship - I see no reason for you to worry. Everybody has his fantasies and has the right to fulfill them, as long as they don't harm others.

    Does it harm you? Well, it makes you feel bad, yes. And thus you have the right to ask him to stop doing it. The question is whether it would be appropriate to do so... If it's an unbased jealousy then it would be much better and safer to your relationship to take care of it as soon as possible by raising your self esteem and independence levels.

    To sum up... if your relationship is based on love and respect (and you see that it's mutual), and your boyfriends actions don't leave you unsatisfied - in my opinion you have NO reason to worry and all the reasons to be happy!

    What do you think?

    Good luck!

    ~Foreigner.

  7. #7
    nolegirl
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    Thank you

    Thank you everyone for being so helpful. I was concerned that the younger girls made him a pervert but it seems that it is natural for guys to look. He says that the sites that he goes to (commercial site that have free pics) say that the girls are 18-19. Foreigner thank you so much... what you said helps and you are right. I should work on my self-esteem. I just wish the girls were not so young. I can never look like that again... He doesn't look at porn when I am here (he just asked me to move in with him) but he says that he does when I go out of town or he goes out of town. It doesn't seem to interfere with our sex life... I just need to find a way to get through this issue because just when I think that I have it licked ...I don't.

  8. #8
    Foreigner
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    Re: Thank you

    You've written:
    Quote Originally Posted by nolegirl
    I just wish the girls were not so young. I can never look like that again...
    ...and then:
    Quote Originally Posted by nolegirl
    he just asked me to move in with him
    It really seems to me like he doesn't need or perhaps even DOESN'T WANT you too look like that! I guess if he wanted, he could break up with you and find some insecure 18 y/o girl that would be glad to be around someone more mature and masculine than most guys her age. But in spite of this he has asked you to move in... which means that he wants to strengthen your relationship.

    It's some kind of a convention in our society, that the very young girls, the "barely legal" ones, look better than the more mature young women. The question is better for whom and for what?

    Most of them undoubtedly look more innocent, fresh, untouched and playful. And gentlemen of their age and a bit older will usually look for approximately these qualities in a girl, for various reasons. More mature young men MAY find their innocence sexually appealing, but they would find it rather difficult to truly love and respect such girl that really is almost a child comparing to their maturity and life experience.

    Again, you're the one who has all the facts... but from the information I have - he loves you for who you are, and you shouldn't think about this age issue. The IMPORTANT thing though is not to take your relationship for granted )which is keeping sexual tension, caring for yourself, staying in shape etc.), and as I've already said, being independent (having parts of your life which are your domain, like - not all your good friends HAVE to be also his GOOD friends, not all your hobbies must also be his hobbies etc.), you get the point. As long as this is the way you stroll - there should be nothing of that manner you should be worried about.

    Quote Originally Posted by nolegirl
    I just need to find a way to get through this issue because just when I think that I have it licked ...I don't.
    There is a message board where one excellent poster has answered to a guy that didn't know whether he should let a girl know that he likes her or it'll make her lose interest in him. The last line in his reply said: "SHOW her that you WANT her. NEVER show her that you NEED her". The post itself is not related, but I think that this short sentence perfectly clarifies the meaning of the combination of security and independence.

    Feel free to contact me...

    Best...

    ~Foreigner.

  9. #9
    nolegirl
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    To Foreigner

    You have helped me more than you know! Have you studied psychology?? he he It is just that you are so wise and insightful as if you help people mend their lives for a living! Anyway, I cannot thank you enough!

  10. #10
    sassy lass
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    stumbled on this

    I am new here and just stumbled on your dialogue. It helps me too. My boyfriend and I have been back and forth about porn for about a year. Once he stopped looking out of respect for me, but after a while he started again without telling me. I can never tell if my objections are based on moral reasons (consuming it encourages its production, and I often find it degrading to women) or on my own jealosy about him looking at other women.

    I'm 23 and am for the first time seeing my body change a little. All my life I've had great self-esteem, but for the first time I feel that in jeopardy. I am by no means out of shape, but I know that as I worry more about my looks it bothers me more to find out he's been looking. At the same time, he notices the small changes starting to happen to my body, and because there is a good chance we'll get married one day, it really scares him.

    I guess my question is this: he hides it from me now because I've given him no choice (by getting angry because I felt betrayed). And his hiding it makes me feel more betrayed, a bad cycle. How can I break this bad cycle? I've thought about trying to watch with him, but want to be sure if we rent a movie it won't have any degrading things- that would set me back further I think!!!

    Sorry to ramble- let me know if anyone has advice!

    Sassy lass

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