She's no longer there - What do I do?

Today I had a relapse. I thought I was gaining internal strength but I have had a major fall today in my emotional strength.

It's been three weeks now since my wife left me to "find herself and gain her independence." She is doing all that she can to stay away and I feel that she is just moving on without any consideration for how this has devastated me. I have tried to comply by not e-mailing, calling or seeing her. We have been together for 7 years and married 3 years. She is 22 years old and was a virgin when we came togther. I am so heartbroken.

Today I had to drop off her mail (which I usually leave in her car parked at work). But she wasn't there. It kills me to not know where she is and wonder why she can just leave so many awesome years, dreams, hopes and future behind. I've posted before and many of you have given me great advise and empathy but my soul is dying today.

Please anyone who can help me I feel like I can't function any longer...

Hello,

I read you post and thought I might offer some advice. Today, I want you to live for yourself. Do something that makes only you feel happy. It could be a walk in the woods, listening to music.... I know what you are going through is the probably the most painful thing you have ever experienced - but you are not alone. People are who they are and sometimes it takes a step back from everything to see the forest for the tree's. Now this could turn out two ways. She could be back at you side or you two could part ways forever. What you must remember my friend is that you must be strong because you have your own life to live. I have been right were you are today it was only 4 months ago. I couldn't sleep or eat, I felt helpless – what was I going to do? But you know what? Sometimes you just will not have an answer to why things turned out the way they did. You can torment yourself over and over but it wont help the situation. All you can do is make your case – you probably already have? Then let it go and see what happens. If she wants her mail let her come get it. Live for yourself right now. She is! Why shouldn't you? You just might find that as you gain your self-confidence back that magical things begin to happen around you. You are a good person and I am sure loved by many. Don't forget that! I too have a post up here labeled "my ex is back". I too am in a very confusing, painful situation still to this day. But over the past four months I went from helpless to self-love. You can to. Be strong, give good things, and good things will be returned to you. I promise you will see.

Take care,

Justme

My heart goes out to you, what your going through is one of the most difficult things you'll have to live through in your life. Back in November my wife left me after 25 yrs saying the same thing, wanting to find herself & she cared for me but didn't love me. Like you I wondered how anyone can change so quickly & leave behind so many years of sharing & future dreams. Its like they flipped a switch & changed over night from the person you thought you knew. Right now your in the early part of all this & believe me I know how tough it is to not contact her in any way. Believe me that's the best way for you. Its going to take a lot of strength & courage on your part to do this & as your finding out there's going to be times that you'll take a few steps back before moving forward. You have to remember that it was her decision to leave & nothing you could say or do is going to change that. Any hope of her coming back will only happen within her & you have to let here find out if that's what she wants. There is nothing you can do except show her the strong person you can be & that you can survive without her. That's going to be a real difficult thing to do I know & you should prepare yourself for the worse. Try to talk to someone that will just listen to what your feeling. It may not help you but I found putting down what I feel in a journal helps. I thought it was a bunch of BS but I tried it & it did help. Time will help you through this & I know it goes real slow at first but it will get better. It will be a time that you can look at yourself & your relationship to see what if anything was not there. I also know your self confidence is in the gutter but you are a person with many good qualities & if you really look inside yourself you'll see them. I hope this helps some & please come back on here if you need more help. Good luck, stay strong you can do it!

PRAY ON IT. Leave it up to God, man. I'm kinda going through the same thing you are. She's not there for you to talk to. You can't ....be next to her. Pray on it and leave it up to God. It's hard to do that, but...let the Big Man upstairs work, and things will be fine. Not to mention this website is a blessing in itself.

Hey everyone,

Thanks for the encouraging words. It's like taking three steps forward and two steps back. This site is an incredible resource and blessing. Man, I don't know how I could have made it some of these days without people who have been in the trenches like me.

It's still hard, but I'm making it through the day. I guess I need to understand that the person who I fell in love with is no longer there. The person who now lives is someone completely different.

I'm so glad that it happened early on after only 7 years rather than after 25 years. That must really hurt and be extraordinarily difficult. I guess I'm not over this yet obviously and don't expect to be after some time. She was everything to me.

Anyway, thanks again everyone. One question - how have you all started to build your self-esteem? Have any of you begun to think about dating again? I can't even think like that but I know I'm a kind of person who needs to have companionship. I just don't want to have to go through more rejection.

Yes along with loosing someone I cared for for 25yrs I lost our home, my two sons had to move out & the 2nd home we had for retirement in Oregon is being sold also. In just the last 4 months my world went down the tubes & I find myself divorced. It happened real fast, seems that's the way she wanted it. Its amazing that your hopes & dreams can vanish so quickly. Your world is turned upside down & nothing seems the same. Everyone is different so I can't say how long it will take to get your self esteem back, I'm still working on mine. I've thought about dating & I'd like to do that but only in a casual way. I think I'd find it difficult to deal with any kind of rejection right now & I wouldn't want to get into a relationship for the wrong reasons. I think it might be a wise idea to feel the pain & work through the grief your feeling now so that you can close that door before you open one up for the next relationship in your life. I've found my emotions changed everyday for quite sometime & letting go of that hope you have of getting back together will be tough to work through & along with the possibility of that you might find yourself with a bunch of new questions. Like if you got back together how would you feel knowing it could happen again & you'd be back where you are now. There sure is a lot for your mind to dwell on during this time & its a tough road. Just try to deal with it a little at a time & know you'll be ok!

Just wanted to say good luck and don't give up....you can get through this!

Take care,

Kinatra