causing my own pain.....help

i recently quit my job....actually, 7 months ago.....around then, i started to shut down and not deal with anything...including my girl of 4 years....

i felt like i didnt love her the way i should ....and i told her ...crushed her....and she did everything to stop it....but i stuck to my guns....we lived together this past year....and about 3 weeks ago, she moved out, got apt. 3 blocks from me........we stay(ed) in touch....close, we love each other, like family, etc.....and last week, she told me we cant talk or see each other like this anymore.....which makes sense, i wanted this, i asked for this breakup....she seems stronger now, goin out, moving on, i think she met someone that has interest in her...which gives her strength of course.

Now....i feel all the pain, question my decision, love her still....seems im a mess with her AND without her......im gonna start seein a shrink this week and sort things out.....but wondering why, since i caused the breakup, i feel like my world has ended...cant leave the house, I live inside my head and create crazy stories...cry all the time....i only remember the good times...the love.....and not the bad......i deserve this, but im causing my own pain......and miss her so.....am i an idiot?? wrong? is this normal??

Anyone!!! Help???!!!!

What else happened 7 monthes ago that made you quit your job?

I think you should wait till you go to the shrink and then give us an update cause there might be somthing wrong with you and if the shrink can figure out what it is and you tell us...we might be able to help you more cause then we would at least have somthing to start with. until then just hang in there. At times you may not feel like living but there is a reason you are alive...i don't know what it is but there is a reason.

God bless

I know what you mean causing your own pain. I left a relationship (well okay I was thrown out kicking and screaming) and even thoguh part of me has moved on I still pine foor her and go back and forth on the friendship issue. I end up ignoring people who do want to be my friend because all my energy goes into wondering about how to be her friend without falling into the trap of hope for getting her back. Well I broke down and called twice today and she wouldnt answer. Tells me she doesnt want to be my friend. Guess I have to move on some more. Two steps forward one step back. Dont be too hard on yourself. She could have written what you said and I know that she is in pain and hope she finds happiness with someone soon. Mainly herself.