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Thread: how to tell what ex is thinkin or feeling

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2003

    how to tell what ex is thinkin or feeling

    Hiya..i really really need some different views on this one!!
    I am so confused! I was in love 2 yrs ago with my first love, when we first began to have feelings for each other he warned me never to get close to him and instead just be friends but eventually we couldnt help it anymore and so we started seeing each other . The thing was though i was from abroad and he was scared of gettin hurt again, he had told me lots of times even before we got together that he never wanted to be in a commited relationship until he knew it was guaranteed to last....and as i was from abroad i was going to have to move home when my visa ran out and he was scared about that.
    It was hard tryin to not love each other. He used to say he wanted me to liek someone else so he couldnt like me but then he didnt wnat that either. He would tell me b4 we got involved about how he pushes ppl away and how he can only get close to people he doesnt care about or not until he meets the one who its guaranteed to work out with.
    anyways so after we started strsssing about not being the right timing or being able to stay in same country as each other we tried to be friends but things would happen like i wouldnt to be able to handle the pain not being more then that and get upset and even more upset with him thinking why couldnt he be with me now if he loved me etc.
    one time i walked out and he chased me down the street sayin how i didnt knwo how much he did care and how he thought of me all the time and how he just couldnt commit now, not until he sorted his life out.
    During this time that i was gettin upset with everything and wanting out of it all he started havin panik attacks and sufferin depression and pretty much things got bad. He started stressing alot! At times i would think he didnt even like me or care but he just couldtn open up with how he felt and when ild go to walk away i could see how much he worried about it and how much he did care.

    I ended up bein so confused i coudltn wait as i just hurt way too much so i told him i was gonna go and get over him n then maybe we could try to be friends. We took some space so we could be friends and he wrote me letters sayin how much he felt for me etc and how he was trying to get a visa to move to my country so then we could work on being together and have things work out between us in the end but he couldnt get a visa.

    We started to become friends keeping in touch and all and he started to see someone else that he said was just sex n when i found out he said he still hoped for us and that in the end we would work out ..i didtn care i was too devestated so i left. he said he still had feelings for me even though he was seein this girl.
    we kept in touch and mnths later he said he had to change his life as he suffered bad depression and needed change. He was gonna move to canada with her as he wnated to move away but couldnt do it alone and she wanted to move also.
    anyways its been over a yr and i ive moved back to my home country , i asked to see him to say goodbye before i left as we hadnt seen each other for a yr( not since we split) and we meant so much to each other and had been good friends for a long time and we did alot and went thru alot to b close and remembered times like how he would just hug me when i was leaving him and he wouldnt let go n how i knew he stressed about it and how i knew even tho he couldnt always say and even htough it was messed up he felt so bad and how even tho he coudltn open up that often i knew he loved me....and he said he had to think bout us meetin up again, he evetntually said he couldnt as he knew he would get close to me or atleast to and try to if he saw me again.
    We still keep in very good touch, but he tells me how he still fantasises about me and how if he saw me again he would want to get close with me even tho knows it wouldnt be best thing to do and he asks for photos and things of me ..even pervy ones. I asked him why he would get close with me if he saw me again and he said it was cos he still had feleings for me n not just for the hell of it...but is that true??...yet he says hes in love with htis girl hes with now.
    Im beging to get over him but with him always sayin these things and us never havin closure its been hard , liek times when we were tryin to be friends but couldnt help but get close no matter how hard we tried and espically because it was bad timiming that was the reason for why we broke up and not cos we wanted to.
    The main thing is that i dont know wether to stay in touch with him, he means so much to me and he says its the most hurtful thing when i say maybe we shouldnt b friends.....do you think he still loves me???? i need to know so i can decide wether to stay in touch or not...cos if he is still in love with me i dont know if i can deal with that cos i ned to move on completely as ive even found someone new who im beginning to really like....ive asked my ex for closure many times even abouta mnth ago but he never gives it , not ever and its so hard. Why does he do that .....i dont undestand why he doesnt wanna give me closure..... i know he finds it hard to say how he feels n why he does certain things but he needs to face up to it.....even just to help me......pls help......thank

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Katie Lee,

    First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us with your message. I am sorry to hear that you're going through such a rough time. I understand that you feel very hurt by your friend because of what he says and does.

    Before anything else, I would like to ask you to go through your article again, by hitting 'edit' at the top of your article. It is very hard to read your message, because of all the spelling errors and not having the article paragraphed. This also will help you to get more responses. Just a suggestion I wanted to give you.

    As far as my advice is concerned, I would like to suggest you to try to find closure yourself. From what I have read it looks like that this young man is putting a lot of emotional stress on you. It seems that he really doesn't know what he wants. If even HE doesn't know how he feels and what he wants, it is close to impossible for you to know how he feels. You have been with him for quite a long time and it looks like that you have tried hard to stay together or do something about your current situation. Unfortunately without luck. At some point there's just not much more that you can do anymore.

    I hope that this helps you on your way to find the right decision that works for you. I wish you good luck and strength to pull this through.

    ~ SwingFox ~

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