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Thread: For the guys:is it ok to date an ex-boyfriend's mate?

  1. #1
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    For the guys:is it ok to date an ex-boyfriend's mate?

    Hi! This is a question for the guys!

    Do you think it is ok for an ex-girlfriend to go out with one of your mates?

    I'm still really good friends with my ex-boyfriend and we still hang out a lot and I know one of his mates likes me and I like him too. But I feel real guilty about it as I don't want to lose my ex-boyfriend's friendship - we were best friends before we got together and we dated for 3 years. We broke up 2 years ago so it's been a while! I didn't meet this guy until after I'd broken off with my ex. Lately the guy has been asking my ex questions like if there was a chance he'd go back out with me again and my ex is not happy bout that. What to do? Please help am in real dilemma!

    Thanks!

  2. #2
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    Had a situation kinda similar to this 10 months ago. My best friend had been dating this girl for 3 years, they'd had some problems, nothing major and they worked em out. They eventually broke up now 10 months ago due to her being a complete *bleep* and not believing he didn't fool around (which I can actually say for sure he didn't because I was with him the night she was accusing him of and B) he wouldn't ever do that, it's not him)... but 4 months after the breakup, he ended up getting together with his ex's best friend... now I still completely hate his ex for what she did to my best friend and he's much better off with his new gf, but every so often his ex tries to ruin their relationship some how or another. I don't think it's a good idea personally, it ende up ruining three relationships (Me->His ex - His ex->him - His ex-> her best friend), but everything did turn out better... Well, I've rambled a little, but I can say it's mostly a situational thing, but it's not usually a good situation.

  3. #3
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    Players Rule #3: Never disrespect your main mans squeeze.

    It really depends on which one of you broke it off, and situationally dependant as has been said, but I think its generally a bad idea. You should also question his faithfulness and repsect since he is willing to possibly lose a friend for a relationship with you. Friendships last forever, girls/guys come and go.

  4. #4
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    Thanks guys. I can see where you're all coming from and I was starting to think on similar lines. The last thing I wanna do is hurt either of the guys or me. They aren't best mates or anything like that close but they still hang out. He has said to my ex that he would always ask a mate for permission to date an ex-girlfriend and this was after I told him I liked him so I guess he must be feeling confused and guilty too. I'm trying to keep my distance from him and hope that I'll stop thinking of him that way. But it's like he can't stop obsessing about what I said to him - he can't stop bringing me up when talking to my ex and asking if i'm dating anyone, whether there was a chance he'd go back out with me again and telling him how he thinks I'm pretty and really cool. And my ex tells me these things I think to suss me out and work out whether anything's going on. I have asked him not to tell my ex that I told him I liked him and he agreed but he can't stop saying dodgy stuff to my ex. So anyways even though he's a gorgeous guy and I'm totally into him I'm thinking it's not worth the hassle and hurt it'd cause. It's pretty hard though and I guess at the end of the day if it came down to it his loyalty would be to his mate and not me.

    This situation has happened to me before where my ex's mates were interested in me as more than friends and this was when we were still going out! He lost at least 5 friends this way and was totally paranoid and stopped me meeting or introducing me to any of his friends when were going out. So I guess I'm even more hesitant this time that he could lose another of his mates. And don't get me wrong I never flirted with these guys! They just kinda developed liking for me and it totally annoyed the hell outta my ex as he knew it wasn't my fault.

    Also my ex has said to me that he knows there's chemistry between me and his friend when he's seen us together and has hinted that if anything were to happen he would never forgive him or me. His mate knows that my ex still has feelings for me as he hasn't had a serious relationship since we broke up. I don't know whether it affects things that I broke it off with my ex - it was just one of those things where it just faded away for me and we were fighting a lot and i thought if we dragged it on we'd end up hating each other and can never be friends. i definitely don' t have romantic feelings for my ex but we went through a lotta tough stuff together and we always look out for each other. I'm kinda worried that this close friends relationship with my ex is just leading him on - he's said several times that he is over me but still finds me attractive and doesn't know how he'll deal with it if I had started seeing another guy seriously. I've seen other guys since we broke up but nothing serious and I've never told him bout them either as I worry that he'd react badly. what should i do about this? Does anyone think this is an unhealthy relationship? What can I do? Please help!

    Thanks!

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