this is so frustrating. he is a beautiful man. and a beautiful friend. and a beautiful lover. there are so many things i admire in him. sometimes he makes me so proud.
but he won't talk about the relationship. he is such an avoider. we will hit a glitch and i try to engage him and draw him out but he gets that "deer in the headlights" look and i know he's visiting the moon. he nods and yesses me when i try to have these conversations. he understands. but 2 days later he does the exact same thing and when i say "babe, remember we talked about this?" its deer in the headlights and more nodding. it frustrates me to no end. because i love him so much. and when everything is ok - there's nowhere on earth i would rather be. but any problems we have, he tries to ignore and avoid. or he tells me he needs to think about it. he'll get back to me. i wait and wait and then bring it up again and we're back to deer in the headlights. so it finally pushes me to a point where i blow up, explode, start screaming and yelling. and he hates screaming. he is soo not confrontational. and thats something i admire in him. but i just get so frustrated that i can't help yelling. and then because i am so angry, i threaten and throw out ultimatums....like last monday nigth, i told him to leave. we spoke on the phone on tuesday night and said we were sorry and that we really love each other and we are going to try to deal with this.
but he is at his friends house. cuz he needs to think. and he needs some time. to think. and he'll get back to me on what he's thinking about. and that sounds so much like every other time that i feel like i am going to blow again. and i feel like if he had of done any thinking on any one of the million other times that he was "thinking" then we wouldn<t be in this mess.
i feel so frustrated. and i am not confident that this will work any better than any other time. i feel like he will come back and everything will be great for a week or 2 but then something will happened that we need to address and he will start the deer in the headlights thing again.
he says he will go to counselling but i am not sure what kind of counselling we need because based on our previous conversations we both feel threatened by each other, we both feel the other is in control and we are both very sensitive to each other and misinterpret each other all the time.
does anybody have any advice, suggestions, comments, opinionsabout this?......any ideas on what i am supposed to do with myself while he is off "thinking"? thanks so much.......