needing some help

I think I may need some help.... I have had some bad thoughts going through my mind lately and I think I need some help before something bad happens to me. I have been going through so much stress that I really can't handle it anymore. I just recently lost my job because I can't find ways of dealing with this stress that I have. I have no friends at all to turn to. I know that my wife is going to leave me soon because I can't change the way that I am. I had a son that passed away in september of 1995 and I still haven't been able to get past that. I have 2 kids now that I am trying to get involved with but I don't want to get too close to them because I don't want them to be like me when they grow up. I feel like I shouldn't be here but I don't have no where to go. Everytime someone gets close to me I make sure to destroy any kind of friendship I have with that person. I am in need of some help but it is hard for me to talk to people any more. Sometimes I wish that my wife would leave me so I can just be alone and not have anyone to be around me if I decide to do something to myself. I had a job interview today and I totally blew it because I don't have the self-confidence in myself anymore. I feel like I am a 26 year old failure because I don't have the strength any more to do anything for anyone because I am sick of being hurt.

Hi mystikal,

First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us for seeking advice. I am sorry to hear that you are feeling down and alone. I understand that things aren't going the way you had them planned at all.

I have a feeling that you are in a (form of) depression right now. Instead of giving you little advice, I would really recommend you to find professional help. You have two wonderful kids that you love deeply. I am sure. They deserve to have a father figure in their life and YOU are the father. Getting professional help will benefit you and bring you back on track again. That way in time you will be able to raise your children, too.

May I also suggest to talk to your wife, if you decide to go through counseling? She might be supportive to you, now that you are willing to do something about your life.

I wish you strength, mystikal and hope that everything will work out for you okay.

~ SwingFox ~