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Confused and need help


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I have been with my girlfriend for 3 and a half years and loved every minute of it I try to be the best boyfriend I can be giving her all she ever needs, but lately things have been a little rough, and she decided for us to go on a break. Soon after there is other guys in the picture trying to pursue her, which doesnt make me feel so comfortable giving her the space she needs. And she has been giving me so many mixed signals, some days she will say I love you and will call me honey and sweetie all the time, then on the other days its like I am the one trying to patch things up and she doesnt even care. I just know in my heart this is my soul mate and to be without her really scares me. I just dont know what to do about this whole situation I am in, and would really like some help.

Thanks

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I'm going through the same thing as you right now. The wishy washy attitude - she loves you and is lovey dovey one minute and is uncaring the next. The mixed signals are because she still cares about you very much (and deep down still loves you) and is use to having you there, but is unsure as to what she wants. What exactly do you mean when you say "lately things have been a little rough"?

 

So here's what you do now, and I know this is going to be hard, but it's the quickest way you can either get back together (if she truly cares about you and the relationship) or find out that she's not "the one". First, always be the bigger person. Be nice to her on the phone (not overly nice) and even act like just a friend, and tell her ONCE (maybe even in a letter so that she has it in writing) that you care very much for her and value your guys' relationship, but that you want to be with someone who loves you and is prepared to stand by you. This is fair of you to ask, and she'll understand it. Don't call her, but don't ignore her when she calls you.

 

You stop contacting her and stop treating her like your girlfriend and eventually her true colors will shine. Yes it's a sick game, but that's how girls work.

 

As for the "other guys", I'm still trying to figure this out, so if there're any girls out there with some insight on this, please feel free to clue us nice guys in. So far, I think the "other guys" can be her way of letting you know she's wanted (and maybe there isn't even another guy), so that you'll treat her better (again... another one of their sick games). She may like another guy (and yes, it's sickening to think about what she might be doing with another guy, but you just have to grit your teeth), but I'm almost positive that she's thinking about you. Your best bet is to not let her see that it bothers you, cause you'll look more secure and girls like a secure guy.

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I have to agree w/ Caliboy.....its a mind game you have to play.

I was going to tell you the same above...and yes this is how girls work, boy do I know it, I'm one of them. I hang out w/ guys mostly so I'm always giving them the inside scoops and usually , most of the time, I'm right.

 

As for the other guys, they might be a ploy, in which she leads them on, and they become potential suitors either to fill her time w/ flirting , feeling wanted , attention girls love this, or to make u jealous...or they just happen to like this girl (if u like her, its possible others do too, right?)

my bet is these r guys that like her, dont fret....you have the upper hand. you guys have a past, and it doesnt seem like she is completely over you.

 

I bet if u do what caliboy says you'll find out what she's about.

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inloveandsad,

 

Welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us for seeking advice. I understand that you are feeling down and I am sorry to hear that things are not really working for you at the moment.

 

In your message I have seen you focussing a lot on this woman. I haven't seen you exactly addressing your own feelings. My suggestion is that you set boundaries for yourself. What do you allow and what don't you allow in your relationship. Once you set those boundaries, you will have armory that will lead you and help you decide what to do next.

 

Example? Set an ultimatum for yourself in which this young woman has to come back to you. After that, you will find it much easier to hold on to her for now, until that time has come. Then you decide to let her go or take whatever step you decided to take.

 

I hope that this helps you on your way. Just know what your needs are and what you expect out of a relationship. I wish you good luck and a better future.

 

~ SwingFox ~

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  • 3 weeks later...

I dont like mindgames too much, but if you are going to do it..make sure you do tell her how much you care about her and how you feel. Its important you tell her how you feel before playing any mind games.

 

I know if it was me and then all of the sudden my guy stopped treating me like his girlfriend I would take it as it was over. So...be sure not to forget to be honest, tell her how you feel before anything

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and can i ask... if a guy behaves like this, what does it mean? he is not seeing anyone... but behaves like this.. we have been together for 3 years and right now, for the past 2 months, we were having a long distance relationship. Could he be stressed? I dunnoo... i really want to have a guy's insight..

 

He says he wants some time out from the relationship. Could he be suffocating? could this be resolved?

 

He said he was confused about everything.. and told me to give him 2 weeks. But it was like a break as i couldn't call him. When i called, i had some attitude from him and he keeps wanting to put down the phone...

 

What does this guy want?

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  • 2 weeks later...

he knows you care about him, but you just have to back off. i personally think that if a guy breaks up with a girl, then the 2 of them dont talk for awhile, the guy will end up missing her and want to be with her again. when a girl breaks things off, and the two dont talk for awhile, i don't think the girl will come back. i might be wrong about this, but i dunno.

 

so just give him space. dont call him at all (i know how difficult this is). he probably just wants some space. wants to be single again. might even be interested in someone else at the moment. just back off and let time tell. if it's meant to be it'll happen. just out of curiosity though, how old are you two?

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