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Thread: Married, but feeling alone.

  1. #1
    Di
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    Married, but feeling alone.

    I am married and feeling alone in my relationship. We have been married 10 of 14 years. I am a firm believer in making my marriage work, but I am at a time, where I am unhappy in our relationship. I often wonder if it is because we don't have alot in common, maybe I am smothering him, maybe I am jealous.... I asked him one night, but not much ever came out of the conversation. I am afraid to bring it up, because I don't want him to get the wrong idea and drift off. I love him, but I am unhappy to point where I get to wanting to leave or angry. I know that is not healthy not only for our relationship, but for me.

  2. #2
    cookies
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    I totally can relate to that, only I was feeling lonely and alone much less into the marriage...more like 2 to 3 years. We just drifted apart, and he began to totally turn me off with the things he would do, his lack of self esteem, how he reacted to situations and just his overall being would leave me wandering,..how in the heck did we ever hook up...

    I found out that we were not compatable in marriage, because when I had visions and dreams of a bright beautiful future, he had no clue what he wanted to do for the evening...my marriage was so depressing, i found myself not wanting to come home from work, and oftentimes regretted that i was alive...

    It was not a healthy situation for me, and now that I am not with him, i feel alive, and see beauty in everything around me...

    Im not sure what ur stiuation is, but i wish u the best and wanted u to know that ur definitely not alone...

    cookies

  3. #3
    SwingFox
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    Hi Di,

    First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us with your questions. I am sorry to hear that you're feeling alone in your marriage. I understand that you trying to make things go and your husband not being very involved doesn't help you in your happiness.

    I live by a rule in life that says: "The only obligation YOU have in life, is the obligation for YOU to be happy. If YOU are not happy, YOu cannot make someone else happy." That has some implications for you.

    Do I suggest to get a divorce? Not really, but if you have tried everything, including communicating your concerns towards him, what other options do you have? I see little to none. The truth is that you cannot stay this unhappy forever. You deserve more out of life!

    I hope that this answered some of your questions and helped you along your way. I wish you strength the coming period and hope that you'll be able to make the right decisions for you

    ~ SwingFox ~

  4. #4
    sisterlynch
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    couples work

    It is hard to keep the intensity in any long term relationship, it is necessary to talk to him until he is ready to listen. Just like teenagers who pretend not to listen when their parents are talking, men are the same way, sorry not you swingfox, but others, let me explain:

    Men don't like to be told what to do. they are independent thinkers, that is why they so often get themselves into trouble.

    Women are normally more intouch with their relationship, and that is normally a big area of focus for women; for men (just in general) their area of focus is the income. If a man becomes unemployed it normally affects the relationship more than if the woman does because lets face it, men make more than women, in almost every line of work.

    Women being more emotional have trouble talking to their husbands about values, because the man doesn't want to hear a lecture from his "parent," he just wants to have fun, like a little boy.

    The need of the woman in this case is to become more assertive and independent at the same time. Get yourself ready to leave! That will make him nervous for sure, or if it doesn't you'll at least be ready when the time comes. Don't be left helpless, get some support. It helps to have others to talk to on this. Get couples therapy if he won't go, go alone!

  5. #5
    yonniebell

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    I feel the exact same way as you cookies .. I have been married for 3 years coming up and we do not see eye to eye on anything, I am to the point that I just want to walk away. My biggest thing is financially I am not in a position to do anything but just suck it up right now. I am just so tired of feeling the way that I feel and him only hearing what he wants !!

  6. #6
    thevoid

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    Hi,

    Being a married man myself who struggles with bouts of depression, i know it annoys my wife and i'm sure at times she has felt the same way. I think for me, even though at the time i didn't think so, her confronting me and often causing arguments made the situation better. It made things come to a head and i needed that. I knew then where i was and what my wifes needs were. People get stuck in tremendous ruts sometimes and the worse thing you can do is do nothing.

    By talking to your husband, and letting out all the frustration, it will cause him to be defensive. You have to keep going until you get a reaction in my opinion. Thats what my wife did and although it didn't come out like an ultimatum thats what it was.

    I still struggle now but i know what my wife's boundaries are and i know she won't live a life of my depression so it made me get help. If he reacts negatively and goes back to normal then i suggest the relationship is not ever going to make you content.

  7. #7
    jaywalk
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    I think that we all feel alone in marriage (and Life) sometimes and talking about it with our significant other can be trying to say the least. There are many times that when we finally see what's going on we feel the need to make corrections any way possible. You mentioned not having anything in common with your husband, how have you tried to correct that? Often times women bond by talking and finding common interests while men tend to bond by doing things together. Perhaps by trying to do things like play golf or fish or walk together would help to reignite a few common interests. Who knows he MIGHT even find some of your activities interesting. just a thought

  8. #8
    rocio

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    This thread is eight years old

  9. #9
    Faith01

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    I'm glad this thread is still going as i feel i have no one to talk to. I have been in a marriage for 3 years, have a beautiful daughter and another one on the way and unfortunately most nights i am sitting in the lounge room on my own while DH is either playing games on his computer or playing with his phone. I have tried so many times to talk to him about it but he gets very defensive and just keeps saying that he's not even on it much and because i'm nagging him to spend time with me it makes him not want to? I'm honestly not over dramatising this seriously, i'm more than happy for him to play his games and do whatever he needs to on his phone but every night?? On weekends we dont even go to bed together, he stays up till early hours playing games. Its driving me mad and making me feel like he honestly doesnt want to be with me. You know what thats fine, but he needs to tell me so i can find someone who will love me. I feel so sad, all i ever wanted was to be happy and it just doesnt seem to be happening. Any advice would be appreciated?

  10. #10
    jaywalk
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    Faith, I hate that you are going through this because I can relate on both levels. just curious as to your age and the age of your husband. You sound to me as if you are both still in your early to mid twenties.

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