Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 24

Thread: Married, but feeling alone.

  1. #1
    Di
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    5

    Married, but feeling alone.

    I am married and feeling alone in my relationship. We have been married 10 of 14 years. I am a firm believer in making my marriage work, but I am at a time, where I am unhappy in our relationship. I often wonder if it is because we don't have alot in common, maybe I am smothering him, maybe I am jealous.... I asked him one night, but not much ever came out of the conversation. I am afraid to bring it up, because I don't want him to get the wrong idea and drift off. I love him, but I am unhappy to point where I get to wanting to leave or angry. I know that is not healthy not only for our relationship, but for me.

  2. #2
    cookies
    Member cookies's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Atlanta, Georgia
    Posts
    340
    Gender
    Female
    I totally can relate to that, only I was feeling lonely and alone much less into the marriage...more like 2 to 3 years. We just drifted apart, and he began to totally turn me off with the things he would do, his lack of self esteem, how he reacted to situations and just his overall being would leave me wandering,..how in the heck did we ever hook up...

    I found out that we were not compatable in marriage, because when I had visions and dreams of a bright beautiful future, he had no clue what he wanted to do for the evening...my marriage was so depressing, i found myself not wanting to come home from work, and oftentimes regretted that i was alive...

    It was not a healthy situation for me, and now that I am not with him, i feel alive, and see beauty in everything around me...

    Im not sure what ur stiuation is, but i wish u the best and wanted u to know that ur definitely not alone...

    cookies

  3. #3
    SwingFox
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Posts
    2,201
    Hi Di,

    First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us with your questions. I am sorry to hear that you're feeling alone in your marriage. I understand that you trying to make things go and your husband not being very involved doesn't help you in your happiness.

    I live by a rule in life that says: "The only obligation YOU have in life, is the obligation for YOU to be happy. If YOU are not happy, YOu cannot make someone else happy." That has some implications for you.

    Do I suggest to get a divorce? Not really, but if you have tried everything, including communicating your concerns towards him, what other options do you have? I see little to none. The truth is that you cannot stay this unhappy forever. You deserve more out of life!

    I hope that this answered some of your questions and helped you along your way. I wish you strength the coming period and hope that you'll be able to make the right decisions for you

    ~ SwingFox ~

  4. #4
    sisterlynch
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    NorCal
    Posts
    2,118

    couples work

    It is hard to keep the intensity in any long term relationship, it is necessary to talk to him until he is ready to listen. Just like teenagers who pretend not to listen when their parents are talking, men are the same way, sorry not you swingfox, but others, let me explain:

    Men don't like to be told what to do. they are independent thinkers, that is why they so often get themselves into trouble.

    Women are normally more intouch with their relationship, and that is normally a big area of focus for women; for men (just in general) their area of focus is the income. If a man becomes unemployed it normally affects the relationship more than if the woman does because lets face it, men make more than women, in almost every line of work.

    Women being more emotional have trouble talking to their husbands about values, because the man doesn't want to hear a lecture from his "parent," he just wants to have fun, like a little boy.

    The need of the woman in this case is to become more assertive and independent at the same time. Get yourself ready to leave! That will make him nervous for sure, or if it doesn't you'll at least be ready when the time comes. Don't be left helpless, get some support. It helps to have others to talk to on this. Get couples therapy if he won't go, go alone!

  5. #5
    yonniebell

    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    1
    Gender
    Female
    I feel the exact same way as you cookies .. I have been married for 3 years coming up and we do not see eye to eye on anything, I am to the point that I just want to walk away. My biggest thing is financially I am not in a position to do anything but just suck it up right now. I am just so tired of feeling the way that I feel and him only hearing what he wants !!

  6. #6
    thevoid

    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    2
    Hi,

    Being a married man myself who struggles with bouts of depression, i know it annoys my wife and i'm sure at times she has felt the same way. I think for me, even though at the time i didn't think so, her confronting me and often causing arguments made the situation better. It made things come to a head and i needed that. I knew then where i was and what my wifes needs were. People get stuck in tremendous ruts sometimes and the worse thing you can do is do nothing.

    By talking to your husband, and letting out all the frustration, it will cause him to be defensive. You have to keep going until you get a reaction in my opinion. Thats what my wife did and although it didn't come out like an ultimatum thats what it was.

    I still struggle now but i know what my wife's boundaries are and i know she won't live a life of my depression so it made me get help. If he reacts negatively and goes back to normal then i suggest the relationship is not ever going to make you content.

  7. #7
    jaywalk
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    no where particular
    Posts
    323
    Gender
    Male
    I think that we all feel alone in marriage (and Life) sometimes and talking about it with our significant other can be trying to say the least. There are many times that when we finally see what's going on we feel the need to make corrections any way possible. You mentioned not having anything in common with your husband, how have you tried to correct that? Often times women bond by talking and finding common interests while men tend to bond by doing things together. Perhaps by trying to do things like play golf or fish or walk together would help to reignite a few common interests. Who knows he MIGHT even find some of your activities interesting. just a thought

  8. #8
    rocio

    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Age
    34
    Posts
    6,599
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1
    This thread is eight years old

  9. #9
    Faith01

    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    4
    I'm glad this thread is still going as i feel i have no one to talk to. I have been in a marriage for 3 years, have a beautiful daughter and another one on the way and unfortunately most nights i am sitting in the lounge room on my own while DH is either playing games on his computer or playing with his phone. I have tried so many times to talk to him about it but he gets very defensive and just keeps saying that he's not even on it much and because i'm nagging him to spend time with me it makes him not want to? I'm honestly not over dramatising this seriously, i'm more than happy for him to play his games and do whatever he needs to on his phone but every night?? On weekends we dont even go to bed together, he stays up till early hours playing games. Its driving me mad and making me feel like he honestly doesnt want to be with me. You know what thats fine, but he needs to tell me so i can find someone who will love me. I feel so sad, all i ever wanted was to be happy and it just doesnt seem to be happening. Any advice would be appreciated?

  10. #10
    jaywalk
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    no where particular
    Posts
    323
    Gender
    Male
    Faith, I hate that you are going through this because I can relate on both levels. just curious as to your age and the age of your husband. You sound to me as if you are both still in your early to mid twenties.

  11.  

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Top Threads
Advice please
My husband and I have been together 5 years, married for one. We just had our first baby and couldn't be happier! My maturnity leave is over, I work
Pakistani girl with white boyfriend - stressed about parents
So I'm a Pakistani girl, 21 years old and I've been dating my white boyfriend for over 2 years. We go to college together, have a healthy
My husband leaves for days at a time...
For one let me say, I know 100% that he's not cheating. What he does is, he will leave for days at a time just to hang out with his friends and drink
My boyfriend is the 'Mr. I'm always right'. Should I finally break up with him?
I apologize for the long post, but this is something that has been bothering me for a while now. I started dating my current boyfriend about 5
I really need some advice, or this might not work!
HI I have been married literally only a few weeks and my spouse did everything for the wedding. Her ideas were unique original and her own
Married for 3 months, cannot get over feelings of jealousy
I am a newlywed of just 3 months, and my husband and I knew our lives would be changing as soon as we got married. Not only in the literal and legal
Husband is selfish
My husband and I get into arguments at least once a month that are usually about petty little things of no real consequence, but every time we do he

Featured Threads
Parent and relationships problems
So clearly i need help sooo i will get right into the story.....sorry its so long I am a 25 year old male who is in a relationship with my 19
My boyfriend is trying to date other woman on online dating site.
I really need help. I am so confused. My boyfriend is on online dating site. He said he wants to date other women. We were on and off relationship
My wife left me without having even a talk
Hi everybody, I wonder if this is normal just to leave a marriage of 7 years without having a proper talk before moving on? It happened to me that
Confused about FWB
Last weekend my FWB and I made plans to meet up. He drove down from his place to go to a party with friends, afterwards he was coming to spend the
Everything is just JUMBLED
I have an extremely, EXTREMELY screwed up life. At least from my point of view it is. At least I think I'm the only one that knows my own
Getting over someone to be with them again later?
Long story short, my ex broke up with me after 4 years because he said he was immature and needed to grow up without me and part of that was meeting
Need Advice - it's urgent for me
Hello Everyone, I meesed up my life and I take full responsibilty. I ned advice and what to do to remedy the situation immediately and prevent it
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •