...I thought I had found the cream of the crop....!

Hi,

I'm a 22 year old guy who met a girl out in a bar a few weeks back. But I just found out her age...! 17! I wasn't aware that she was until I called her a few days ago - because we met in a +21 bar!

Her age simply hadn't come up in conversation, now i've found out i'm unsure of how to proceed. She said she wanted to tell me because we were getting on so well. We had called eachother a few times and were planning to meet up again in a few days for a drink.

She is a great girl, she looks older than 17 by far, early 20s to be honest, and, we get on so well. I do actually really like her... She's fantastic. I have been in a number of relationships with girls of a similar age to myself but this girl has got me confused!

I was all up for meeting up with her and seenig how things progress but now am unsure! Why do I feel awkward!!?

Thanks!

Im sure you feel akward b/c there is a large maturity gap that you will eventually come accross. The following is one of my life's stories, and I am using it as advice to you as well.

When I was 17, I met a 22 year old guy. He was amazing. Like no guy I have ever been with. He treated me with courtesy and took me out places. In the short time we were dating, we had a blast. My age never came up. I looked and acted as though I were 20. it never really crossed either of our minds to ask or tell. And to be honest, I knew I didn't tell him, but I assumed he knew my real age anyway. when I told him, he seemed to distance himself a bit the next few days. (he was probably going through what you are right now) and he called less frequently. When we hung out shortly after, he seemed to pull away from kissing. (hey, I was jailbait!) A day or so later, he told me he was moving. I took it in stride and asked to KIT. A few months later, I see him getting food at the store...he didn't move, he just didnt know how to break things off with me. And I knew that was why he said what he did...b/c I was too young at the time. But I always (and still do) say that if he had just said "I really like you and enjoy being with you, but this relationship just cannot happen right now with our age differences" I would have understood and been A-OK with it. He didnt have to lie. So the moral of the story is...there is a great maturity gap between you and a 17 yr old girl brings more drama to a relationship than a soap opera does. And the drama is not even argumentative. Little things, like where were you? why didnt you call? Who is that girl? (when its your sister) I would suggest you tell her that you like her and all, but that things would be better for you in a few years. You dont want to get in trouble with the law in any way. And even if its not HER getting you in trouble, her parents could get involved. Good luck!

Thanks mermayd,

Everything that you said is exactly right and is what I have been thinking, it is quite difficult though. She is exactly like you say you were - looked and acted 20+. She has a great personality, and looks too... I mean I really do like her, you know that good feeling when you connect with someone, I have that!... and would love to see her again.

I haven't got into the drama side of things yet as we aren't actually seeing eachother yet. We have only called eachother, although as I said, she wants to see me again. To be honest I would love to see her!

Bit of a soap opera I know!

Keep the advice coming!

...Oh and she will be 18 in June... does that help!!?

Been there done that...my advice, DO NOT DO IT. mermayd43 is right, it's not worth the drama. I went through hell dating an 17 year old when I was 25. Yeah I know, sounds sick. Didn't know her age right off, she acted much older, she was 6'2" so I was completely thrown off. I dragged that out for like 10 months, I quickly learned that what you see as mature at first is just part of the story...other parts of her life were completely immature. There is just no way a 17 year old can be as mature in all the same aspects as someone who is 5 years older. On some levels it can work, providing the areas of maturity are in the right places. The chances of failure are higher than success in my opinion. However I would say the good times were "pretty good!!!" No exaggeration, the drama was worse than a soap opera, eveyone looking in on the relationship told me to get the hell out. I should have listened before I developed emotional attachments. Now I just look back and think, geez what was I thinking, don't be fooled by looks or first impressions.

Again, thanks for the advice guys!

Zippitt... Can I just ask what the dramas and maturity issues you mentioned were? I can see that parts of her life are still... or still seem to me to be young. Part of me thinks that she is 18 in 2 months though and 18 doesn't sound so bad! Why is that!!?

Anyways... I am well convinced that I shouldn't get involved in this but I know where you are coming from in terms of her looking older.. and pretty good too!!

The thing is I arranged to meet her this week! I guess I should see her and tell her whats going on!

Thanks again!

There was a lot going on, but I will give you one example. Everytime she had a problem with me she would clam up. She would tell everyone else in the world what was bugging her but me. She would not communicate her problems to me. I would literally have to lock a door and yell at her to get her to explain to me what was going on. Oh yeah should would tell me, but by that point we were both irrational. The big thing was should would always, and I mean ALWAYs confide and makes decisions on what "other" people thought was wrong or right. Her mom was the person she went to to make decisions for us. Needless to say, I looked like the bad person any time there was some sort of issue. Also people found out some pretty personally stuff that no adult would ever share with friends or family. Basically she didn't have the experience to deal with relational issues.

Well, it's June now. Hope you're dating her...all you needed to do, because of your concerns and feelings, was tell her you'd rather wait until her 18th birthday and be friends until then. Any decent girl would respect the heck out of that.