7 years is a long time!

Hi There, I am a 30 year old mother of one boy, he is 2. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years and yes he is the father of my baby. Well I have been feeling very different lately...Not sure if this is love and wondering if we are gonna be together for the rest of our lives. When i Met him i was in heaven, he in my eyes was the best thing.. I loved those butterflies i use to get in my stomach. So we started going out.. Then about 4 months later i caught him in bed with another woman.. But he was totally drunk and she was the biggest SLUT around. I know being drunk is no excuse.. but i truly loved this boy!! I thought well i will make it work. I forgave but i never forgot...So now 7 years later, I don't think he has cheated on me again, but we have other issues in our life, such as intimacy... He don't show or voice his feelings at all, And I am totally the opposite. I don't want to Throw 7 years away, But I have alot of scar tissue in my heart and head. It has been a difficult 7 years.. he like to drink alot but he is getting better, and i find he would rather spend time with his buddies instead of me and our son, but he is a great Dad!! I am soooo confussed I love him, but am I in Love or do I just Love him... I need some advice!!! Please help me!!!

Seven years is indeed a long time, by todays standards, although I don't think duration is necessarily the sole yardstick by which to judge a successful relationship. I've known people that were together for only a period of weeks, but two decades later will still look back upon that brief span of time as the highpoint of their lives.

What I'm trying to get at here is that it appears as though you've both become what I would call 'an observer in your own relationship'. You BOTH need to take a more.......involved, aggressive, meaningful stake in your relationship. You both need to work together to take control of where this life together leads you, rather than just sitting back and letting time, and circumstance dictate the ebbs and flows of your time together. Don't sit on the sidelines and watch time go by, make the clock slow down by LIVING your life, together. If you both can make the kind of effort needed to make this a reality, then I'd say you have a good chance for having a mutually satisfying, happy relationship. If either he OR you are either unwilling or unable to make this sort of commitment to each other, you're doomed to either 1) failure and you split up, or 2) unhappiness, by staying together, with the relationship continuing soley on enertia....

Hope everything works out for the best, for you, and especially for your child.

Good luck

Wow Shy Guy, well said, man!!! Awesome... can I have the soap box now?

Cherrock, welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us with your concerns. I am sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time in your life. I understand that it's very hard for you that your b/f is not very communicative where you really are.

Shy Guy explained things very well to you. Love is a very dynamic thing and something you have to work on constantly. With pride I look at my parents who have been together for almost 32 years. That would never have happened, when they'd not work on that relationship. They always found something to work with. The latest thing that my mom started, is starting her own business in the child care sector. My dad was hesitating... *grins* ... now he is almost more involved with these kids than my mom is. You know, you lead and you are being led. Communication in this is THE way to a better understanding.

I hope that these words gave you strength and hope. I hope that you will find YOUR way thru your love. I wish you luck in any decision that makes your love move forward.

~ SwingFox ~