13 Years and Poof

Her father died almost a year ago. For a time she was clinging to me, then told me that she felt "numb".

I lost a contract and we moved. My family was not very receptive of her, and her family has always been open to her. We have three children together.

She is gone.

For two weeks, I begged, pleaded, cajoled, and so on to no avail. It was not the first time she left. It is the 5th time. The first time she met a guy, (we had no children), and everytime we saw each other we would cry. Sometimes make love, sometimes just talk.

After that, we reconciled, and I learned that she had been with more men than I ever dreamed. I told her that was then, and I meant it.

Since then, we had 3 children, our youngest just 1 year old.

I miss them.

She tells me that she cares about me, but she wants to live life on her own. She says there is no other man, and in spite of her history, I tend to believe her. She is looking for something. Her family is strong in their support for her and are are certainly good people.

Today she will be picking up her stuff. She tells me to write up whatever divorce decree I want and she will sign it. She tells me of the guys sending her flowers after meeting them at the bar, she tells me that she is probably making a mistake. She tells me that she needs to be on her own.

I sent flowers. I begged her for a week, then asked her not to call until she was ready to pick up her stuff.

I am convinced that there is some man involved. The closest she would come is to say, "I turned my cell phone off, so there is your answer. " In another conversation she named a name. These were not profane screaming matches.

I am hurt and confused. I want the hurt to go away. If, in all honesty, she said "I want to make it work", I would ask for a seperation based on the lies told. (Her place of work calling, looking for her when she was supposed to be at work).

It's over. But it hurts. I love that woman and will always love her.

I am confused and I feel lost.

I am kind of in your boat or maybe her boat in a way..... I have been with a girl for almost 4 1/2 years now... I love her, she loves me, but this year really killed/soared our relationship... I feel neglected. We are both in college and she has been busy with her college groups and a hard school work schedule... the thing is that half the time she could be spending time with me because she is doing nothing more then watching tv with her girl friends or something like that. It is hard from going from seeing the girl of your dreams every day to only a few hours a day... and I am not a clingy person... it kind of ruined things. I feel that I do not have the connection that I did. Maybe living together as we plan to do this year will make things a little more like they were.... but I am starting to check out the other girls around me, one or two have caught my eye. I know it is crazy to throw 4 1/2 years away... but one girl has me feeling the same butter flies that I felt when I first met my fiancee.... My fiancee was my first real partner... I was hers........we have something rare in that we had never been with anyone other than ourselves and we are in our early 20's........but that alone is not enough to stay together if for whatever reason she does not like me anymore. I mean when we are together she nags........we are kind of like the odd couple in the way that we get things done and the way that we keep house......heh........ I throw dirty cloths in the corner she places them nice in a basket.....just things like that. And we get in a lot of stupid fights over things....... I mean I would be totally destroyed to loose her... but I am starting to wonder if it is not meant to last... like maybe we are just keeping it going because we do not want to be like the other people we know. Our virginity was very important to both of us........

I am sorry I am being selfish. I don't know what to tell you about your situation. Because your wife might feel the way I do.... I mean she probably does love you but maybe something has been missing. I mean is it possible that say you have not been spending as much time together that perhaps she has fell out of love? If you have any advice for me please give it...........you and I are both lost!