my break-up

its been about a week since my girlfriend of 6 months broke up with me. I've talked to so many people about it and i've heard a lot of the same stuff like your young, theres other girls out there. She was my first real girlfriend, and i cant really get her off my mind. She broke up with me saying that we fight too much. We only had a couple arguments, she promised me that we could do something a couple nights over spring break then she had plans so we had a little fight about that and then one day at an assmebly in school the night before she promised she would sit with me and she sat with her friends. Thats about all of the real arguments we had, we got along really good and were best friends, even the day before we broke up we talked on the phone for like our normal two hours, and everything was fine. She told me that she lost feelings for me and she doesnt love me anymore, that was just so hard to believe because such a stupid argument cant really cause 6 months of love go down the drain, at least in my eyes. ive tried talking to her and ive been looking at stuff about ways to get her back and that probably wasnt a good move, i was just hoping i could get some help on different ways i can try to get her back , i dont care how long it takes, if it takes a couple years i am fine with that i am still completely in love with her. I told her that i dont want to lose her as a friend, she says she still wants to be friends, but i cant really get her to talk to me without being real defensive or just to have a normal conversation, it seems like she hates me, i asked a couple of her friends if she hates me and they say she doesnt, im just really confused about this whole thing and i hope somebody can give me some advice....and what they think my chances are to get back together with her, and im 16 a sophomore in high school.....thanks

~Ryan

My only advice is to write down all your thoughts in a letter and let her have it.

When my boyfriend and I first started going out, he had doubts. I wrote a two page letter about why I thought he could be feeling the way he did, and the way that I felt about him. I even put in solutions to the problem - everything. Luckily, after reading it, he said it made more sense, and we have been together ever since.

I know in this case, he had personal problems more than problems with me, so it could have been easier to make him think straighter... but it's worth a shot. Make sure you write it, and read it a day or so later before you give it to her. Sometimes you write things you don't necessarily need to put in/ or mean, so make sure it's exactly what you want to say. Consider this your last chance to let her know... you want it to be right. This way she will read it all. She can't tune out, hang up or walk away. Once someone starts reading a letter they almost always will not put it down. Plus, she may even read it more than once.

All you can do is let her know how you feel. Don't be too posessive. Just let her know the reason you are writing is to be positive she knows how you feel, not to "get back with her". If she sees this, maybe she might re-think her reasons for seperating with you.

Time is your best friend here. It's either going to make her realise she wants to be with you, or if not, it's going to get easier for you. I know you think it won't right now, but it will eventually become easier to deal with.

I wish you all the best of luck with this.

well i do like the idea of writing a letter......do you think i should wait a while tho ?maybe a couple more weeks, cuz it hasnt even been two weeks yet...i think that if i wait maybe a month or something around there, or even longer she might actually take it a little more seriously,last week was spring break and i know she did a lot of stuff with her friends which i think she needed, but i know she was bored a lot too (she always has bored away messages up and she never used to), i guess it was the same way with me but my friends did help a lot, i just dont know if its worth trying i talked to a couple of my close friends about this stuff and they told me that i shouldnt give up if i really like her, but everytime i try to talk to her it never works...im still sooo confused on what to do, i think it was the worst time to have gotten dumped because we had the whole week of nothing to do except get back to the old ways, and im afraid that she had too much fun with her friends, but if things werent meant to work out then i guess ill have to accept that

Well, it's really your call here. I can't tell you if waiting will help it or not. It just very well could, or, it could give her more time to move on. If you don't feel your feelings are going to change within a week, I think it's just best to write the letter and give it to her now. Just make sure you leave it as a letter, and I recommend you stop trying to "talk" to her, because it is not working, and you don't want to push it too far.

I agree with your friends, you shouldn't give up completely, but in saying that I think you should really use the letter as your last try. Write that in the letter also, that this is your last attempt. Not only will it let her know, but it will also help you have a little bit of closure. If after the letter she still is firm with being away with you, it's time for you to move on.

Be careful about her coming back also. This can cause extra pain if she's only returning because she is lonely. Make sure you talk everything through with her, and make sure she is really sure she wants to get back with you. If there are reasons for her leaving, some aspects of your relationship are going to have to change, to prevent this from happening again.

If she doesn't want to be with you, you are going to be in for some pain, I know... but you really do have to move on. When people say that you are only young, they are correct. You have a lot a head of you. I know hearing this doesn't sound much of a comfort right now, but in time things will get easier.

I didn't even have a boyfriend in highschool, and I thought that was horrible. After I left school, it all happened! You'll meet new people.

First loves are always the hardest to get over, so hang in there.

If anyone cares I just wanted to give an update on my situation, my exgirlfriend i figure out turns out to be a total bi tch excuse the language but it really is the only way u can describe her. I was going to give her a letter i wrote a couple days ago but i havent talked to her for about a month and she ignores me and shit and pretends i was never alive, i guess deep down i do have a little bit of feelings left for her, its hard to believe. but for the most part im starting to like this other girl and everything seems to be working out great, im doing better in school even tho that wasnt really much of a prob, and im doing better in laccrosse, and i get to hang out with friends a lot more. thanks for the help before but i guess time does heal your heart, that was so hard to believe a month ago

ryan

I'm glad to hear things have sorted out and are a lot easier now.

Don't hate your ex girlfriend though. Her actions towards you now are pretty low.... ignoring you etc. But if you went out with her for the time that you did, give yourself credit.... she's not a total bitch or I doubt you would have gone out with her the time that you did.

In saying that, she still should be acting more mature about the situation, like I can see you are.

From now on, it's the easy part. I still have feelings for my ex, but I have accepted that we are not to be, and I too have moved on... I am with someone else now and would not want to be with anyone else. This doesn't mean I do not miss the times I had with my ex, and would have liked it to work out.... but it obviously wasn't to happen.

I too, thought I would NEVER get over it, and look at me now. It's the same with you. It's the hardest advice to give to someone "time will mend a broken heart" but it is so true!

Have fun, and keep your chin up!

Bye