Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: help!!!

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Posts
    67

    help!!!

    ok... so I don't know if things are getting better with me or my fiancee or not.......we been together for 4 years but this last year it has been as if I am single because she is so busy with her society and college work......but like when she says she has to study or something I will find out from her the next day that she stayed up watching tv until 4 in the morning with her female friends in her dorm... why would she tell me she does not have time to do anything because of homework and then put the homework down anyways..... plus we went from spending every day together to spending maybe 4 or so hours a week. Our sex life has went from 1 or 2 times a week to maybe 1 or 2 times a month... and she just never seems to want to actually call me up to do anything unless she needs help on homework or knows that I need help on homework...... she did call once and awhile to go shopping, now that she has a car she does not do that. We still see each other each day but it is just a little bit of chat and a kiss.....(I instigate) infact I have to instigate everything......she is rarely the one to go for a kiss........ and she can be very cold shouldered in a fight.
    The problem is I am realizing that now when I am with her I notice how much she nags at me. and based off the other things I feel kind of used. There is also the fact that I am kinda interested in another girl, I do not want to throw 4 years aside because I got the hots for another girl but damn it is tempting. Should I sit my fiancee down and just tell her that i am loosing interest and that I am afraid that if we don't start spending time together I may not last much longer in the relationship? She is going to be just as busy next year with her society because she has a high up position, I will be graduated.... we are suppose to get an apartment this summer but then she will be in a single room during the school year so I may not see her as much or I might see her more since she will have her own room ...........I don't know what to do.... should I at least get friendy with the girl I am kind of interested in.......I think we could be really good friends if anything....... If I got dumped right now I hardly have any friends to turn to......and hardly any prospects for future relationships.......is it wrong to prepare the field just incase I do have to go back into it again?

  2. #2
    Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Posts
    154
    did you two really discover who you are individually before getting engaged? If not that could've harmed the both of you a great deal.. Maybe she's discovering she doesn't want to be engaged or "held down" right now.. seems you're starting to feel the same way... have a talk with her, don't bring up your interest in another girl tho. Ask her how she feels about it all, why she's spending less time with you, etc.. Don't be accusatory and definitely don't yell, just talk, like two human beings who love each other.. She may or may not get real defensive but be prepared for anything... explain to her that you're not attacking or asking her to change anything, you just want an explanation.. good luck, i hope things work out for the best.

  3. #3
    Member cookies's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Atlanta, Georgia
    Posts
    341
    Gender
    Female
    you two may need a little time and space away from each other. Sometimes when we see this is something that needs to happen, we just dont want to admit it, because we are afraid of hurting (ourselves), and keep on this same pattern of feeling uncomfortable and out of place in the relationship.

    Since you are now interested in another chik, I say go for it. Things have tumbled downhill in ur relationship with ur girl, and this new interest has sparked, theres nothing holding you back. If things are meant to be, it will be, but in the meantime dont put ur life on hold, just as she isnt. She has a new car, and focusing her energy and time into things that seem important to her, and if ur not at the top of that agenda,...you must do whateva u must to be just as happy.

    We dont have to break up with someone we " care " about, in such a way to hurt them, or be mean about it. ITs not always about making the other jealous either, let her know that things have taken a turn that you are not willing to deal with at the moment. The stronger your approach with her is, the stronger you will be with coping with going ur separate ways, even if for a short period of time.

    Take it all one step at a time, and keep a positive attitude all the time, this way you will appreciate spending time with the new chik, and also appreciate gettin back with ur girl,,..if thats meant to be ..

    just enjoy life...

    cookies

  4. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Posts
    67
    well my fiancee is also like my best friend.....I mean like today I talked to her and we both cried a bit......but it was more like crying for a really really good friend. At the same time I love her and I would love to have children with her someday but I can't handle this back shelf treatment even if she does not mean to put me through it. I just want to get to know a few girls better so that if something does happen I can jump right back into the game. I don't want to be alone because that will just lead me to drinking.

  5. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Posts
    67
    And remember that I am not really really sure how well this other girl likes me. She is coming over this weekend for a few drinks. How do you tell if a girl you hardly know likes you, or is the fact she is willing to come over for a few drink a sign that she at least trust you? I have watched my friends move on girls before, they often do something like offer or just starting giving the girl a massage to see what her actions are. A massage is hardly cheating. I don't know though, I just think I could make some real good friends if I do not mess it up, maybe I just have a little crush. Then again I have thought about this same girl from time to time since the first day I met her. As I began to realize that my fiancee put me on a back burner it was this girl who I sometimes thought about. I wish I had got to known her sooner but I have felt guilty making any female friends. It does not help that when I mention this girl my fiancee will call her a or something like that and she does not even know her. Maybe my fiancee knows that I am interested in her?


Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •