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I'm 16, always like older men


FballGirl23

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Most people freak out when they hear this, but I'm sixteen years old and I am always attracted to older men, and by older men I mean 30, 40, even 50 years old. It has nothing to do with wanting them physically. I just find that older men are more mature, experienced, and intelligent. Everyone my age I find completely boring. I don't know what to do, because while it is rather illegal for me to be with older men, I don't like the younger boys, and i don't think I should have to be unhappy. I guess I was just born in the wrong generation... I always agonize over this. I guess I am just looking for advice or something.

 

Kayla

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Hello Kayla

 

I do understand what your talking about, when I was 16 I owas attracted to girls in their 20s (women are usually mature quicker than guys) teenage girls all they wanted to do is play around, and gossip.

 

I also have always gotten along better with women then guys, most of the guys all they wanted to talk about is chicks, cars and sports, nothing wrong with that but hey there is a big world out there and a lot more to talk about.

 

But you must be carefull Kayla, you are too young to go exploring any sexual situation with these men and even thoughthat is not your intention, they might get the wrong ideas.

 

You are an intelligent young girl that yearns for mature companionship/friendship. in our society this is not very acceptable and Age gap relationships are almost Taboo. although they are better accepted in other countries.

 

My advise is to have intelligent dialog in chat rooms and boards, dont lead anyone on as that wouldnt be fair. be patient your age will catch up with your mind soon enough.

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...or up to it.

 

Chronological age is a bit misleading as I have seen folks in their 60's and 70's who have the maturity of someone in their teens -- and younger.

 

And sometimes different parts of us mature at different rates, usually owing to some form of trauma. At least that's been my experience. In other words, when trauma occurs, we wall-off that part of ourselves that was injured and that part remains stuck, isolated and removed from the rest of our experience. The rest of our personality then tries to compensate for this loss by becoming MORE mature.

 

The way I've seen men and women mature suggests to me that a man in his 30's has about the same amount of power to attract and maintain a relationship as a woman in her late teens, early 20's. As women get older, they have about the same amount of power as a young man in his late teens and early 20's.

 

Enjoy your power while it lasts. You won't finish out your life with much of it intact, whereas men will have ALL the power in the relationship.

 

Remember that when your male peers squeal and whine about how, "she done me wrong," and remind them about this power flip-flop phenomenon. It doesn't make emotional rape or the pain of a breakup any easier in a specific circumstance, but overall, things between the sexes do tend to balance out in my experience.

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don't worry I understand how you feel. I am the same way, i am also 16. i have been having a relationship with an older man, much much older just like you said you are attacted to. we have been in a relationship for 10 months and going strong. we have are differences and sometimes we have falling outs because of it. But, i look at like this, i care deeply about him as he does for me , what really matters? Before getting in a relationship like this you have to be ready to deal with people that are narrow minds. They may call you a gold digger or your parnter a child mosleter, don't let that get to you. they don't know and if they are that narrow minded they don't deserve too. Also you need to know that your role in the relationship could change for lover to caregiving in a second and the fact that you may be widowed at an early age. those are just somethings to keep in mind but if you are comfortable and he is too, go for it. 8)

love faith and pixie dust,

jenny

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  • 2 weeks later...

Yah I love older men too and any topic to do with it. I think they are just sexier and some of the time my obscure interests connect with older people

 

Kevin Spacey was hot in American Beauty

Jeremy Irons was hot in Lolita (There is a style in japan called Elegant Gothic Lolita, I'm interested in fashion though)

Philip Seymour Hoffman was hot in the 25th Hour

I like the book Amy & Isabelle

I've found mangas (japanese comics) to do with older ppl w/teens

 

I'm always attracted to my male teachers, I'm just gonna wait until I'm 18 and date men. The oldest man that I have been interested in is 55. I still like guys my age. I'm pretty open. It's easier for me to open up to someone who is older.

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  • 2 months later...

I want to ask, what do you or anybody think about what's quality does a man has that make him mature?

 

Any advices? What does he do to show that he is mature and she could feel comfort around her.

 

Reply back.....

 

Most people freak out when they hear this, but I'm sixteen years old and I am always attracted to older men, and by older men I mean 30, 40, even 50 years old. It has nothing to do with wanting them physically. I just find that older men are more mature, experienced, and intelligent. Everyone my age I find completely boring. I don't know what to do, because while it is rather illegal for me to be with older men, I don't like the younger boys, and i don't think I should have to be unhappy. I guess I was just born in the wrong generation... I always agonize over this. I guess I am just looking for advice or something.

 

Kayla

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I know exactly how you feel. I've pretty much always gone for guys quite a deal older than myself. Most of my attractions to guys within my age range have not been nearly to the same extent of the ones to the ones older than myself. I guess I just love a guy that's been through things I have not yet and can give me more insight into life..I am fascinated by that. I am in love with a man in his 30's and I am in my late teens, so here I go again. It's just natural for me I suppose Don't let anyone tell you that you are "nasty" or "bizarre" for feeling how you do. Age is just a number.

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For what it's worth, I'd like to help ya get over this idea that you were born in the wrong generation. It's important for you and other young girls on this board to know. I'm a male in his 30s, and the vast majority of people in my age group are SO dysfunctional in their male-female relationships. I'm not a social historian, but here's roughly how things went, in my humble opinion:

 

Ancient history: Men hunted, women stayed home. Men fought wars and died. Everyone died before 35. Girls at 13 were adults. Life was kinda rough, eh?

1800s: I dunno, about the same. Girls were adults maybe at 16.

Early 1900s: In the US, men voted, women did not. World was getting meaner by the minute. WWI was a real ugly mess. Women were fed up with modern life, things were getting harder and more complicated, so women fought for the right to vote and won.

1950s: Everyone was glad that the Allies had won WWII. Jobs were plentiful, men went out and worked and women stayed at home and had lots of babies. These babies are now called "Baby Boomers." Early feminists still thought men were gonna get us all killed with their silly wars and nuclear weapons, etc, and wanted positions of influence to make the world better.

1960s: US government decided to take out a small regime on the other side of the world, in a country called Vietnam, and decided it was okay to just send as many young men as it needed to do its job, and young people were kind upset because they seemed to be dying for no clear reason. Colleges went berserk, everyone rebelled, did drugs, had sex.

1970s: Boy, these drugs and sex are fun!

1980s: Hmm, this is all fun, but let's also make a pile of money, and maybe a woman ought to have her career. Early feminist messages were distorted, and single women in this era saw men as the "enemy" who would hold them down in their life's ambitions, and besides, men are just Neanderthal, over-sexed pond scum, anyway. LOL

1990s: Well, maybe men are not completely bad, but they're still just guys.

2000+: Hmmm...it's YOUR choice isn't it?? In other words, try to make the male-female thing a little more to your liking.

 

I'm single and have never been married, and all through my 20s could never, ever find a girl who would treat me with respect and who actually WANTED a serious relationship! They always judged me against TV images or their ideal of what would give them the most gratification ($$), instead of wanting a REAL relationship. Every date was like a job interview. In college and even beyond, it was often considered a weird idea to have a bf/gf, because it was considered a sign of weakness. It was even something to tease people about. Amazing, huh?

 

So, I have no idea what guys your age will turn out to be like, but I can give you a little hint: it will have a LOT to do with how you MAKE them turn out. Because girls are, after all, the makers of relationships and the keepers of society, and guys need a little of your guidance. Maybe the guy of your dreams IS older and more mature, but please don't assume that the grass is always greener....that coming from a guy who lives on the "other side of the street."

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  • 3 years later...
Yah I love older men too and any topic to do with it. I think they are just sexier and some of the time my obscure interests connect with older people

 

Kevin Spacey was hot in American Beauty

Jeremy Irons was hot in Lolita (There is a style in japan called Elegant Gothic Lolita, I'm interested in fashion though)

Philip Seymour Hoffman was hot in the 25th Hour

I like the book Amy & Isabelle

I've found mangas (japanese comics) to do with older ppl w/teens

 

I'm always attracted to my male teachers, I'm just gonna wait until I'm 18 and date men. The oldest man that I have been interested in is 55. I still like guys my age. I'm pretty open. It's easier for me to open up to someone who is older.

 

 

 

 

i totally agree....kevin spacey was soo hot in american beauty!!

im 16 too and like older guys...its ok xx

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Wow, despite the fact that perhaps it would be extremely sexually fulfilling to date a woman in her teens, I dont know how any right-minded man in his late 20's and older could deal with a 16 year old?!!

 

You girls need to mature, and experience life. Gain some intelligence, etc. Younger girls offer me no intellectual stimulation. I dont care how smart they think they are.

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  • 2 weeks later...

im 18 and have also been with older men!! i was attracted to the wrong older men though!! ones that were in prison, sold drugs, and just experianced a great deal of life!! i was never taken advantage of in a way that hurt me but i was always the one trying to be in their mix!! i became addicted to their mentality and would love to be schooled or given advice by these men!! boys my age seemed toooooo shallow!! i mean i would think guys my age were fine but i didn't persue them! the oldest i've been with was 38 and i was 15! i was extremely comfterble with him and trusted him with my life!! we weren't a couple but i was attracted to his mentality and hey in the drug world age really is just a number as long as you act older mentally! but im out of that world now and aint interested in relationships at all really!! Nothing is wrong with you but im wondering if your looking for a mentor in a way! thats what i feel when i become attracted to an older male! it's mostly because they treat me different than they do everyone else!! im special to them i guess and it feeds a need that i have for some reason!!!

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Wow, despite the fact that perhaps it would be extremely sexually fulfilling to date a woman in her teens, I dont know how any right-minded man in his late 20's and older could deal with a 16 year old?!!

 

You girls need to mature, and experience life. Gain some intelligence, etc. Younger girls offer me no intellectual stimulation. I dont care how smart they think they are.

 

How do you know that 16 year old girls wouldn't stimulate you intellectually? I've met some 10 year olds that could challenge the way people think! Everyone is different, and in closing off a massive group of people based purely on age alone means that you are shutting out hundreds of people you could potentially get on with so well.

 

not all 16 year old girls are the same in exactly the same way that not all women are the same, and not all black people are the same, and not all brunettes are the same. Judge each person based on who they are, not on one random fact about them. Age can be a guide, but don't let it be the definition

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I agree with you Camguy! There's a certain maturity that only comes through experience...one that a 16-year old can't have because they haven't lived through their twenties. I suggest all the teenagers who say they are "mature" to come back here in about ten to twenty years and tell us if things are different, if they are wiser and have learned anything. Because they most certainly will!! You can be the most mature 16 year old in the world...but you still know nothing about adult life (paying bills, owning a home, raising a family, dealing with people in the workforce and the world, etc. etc) until you're older. Your perspective in life will change!!!

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There's a certain maturity that only comes through experience...

 

 

 

Exactly. I wonder why a 16 year old would have trouble relating with, getting along with, being stimulated by, or being attracted to someone closer to her own age.

 

Yes, some 16 year old guys are immature, but there is no way that you have a level of maturity that is even comparable to someone twice your age.

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Well let's not forget that age does not always equal life experience and maturity. I'm not justifying relationships between teenagers and men twice their age, but I do believe that it depends on each person.

 

Today, many, MANY, children are forced to grow up before their time. They're required to experience and witness things that they never should, and this can automatically set them apart from their peers. I'd even argue that a 30 year old with a very sheltered and easy life has less maturity or experience than a 17 year old who has been supporting her family or dealing with traumatic events early on in her life.

 

So it's easy to say "What can you possibly see in a teener when you're so much older?" but the reality is that you can't judge maturity based on age. It's just such a relative term. I could come up with a million reasons why a 16 year old couldn't relate to people her own age.

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i like someone at the moment who is 16 years older than me.the one before was 15 and the one before him was 11 years older.i have a thing for the older men too and have no interest at all in the guys my age,20.i think its the maturity thing. i just love them and believe me girls there aint nothing wrong with that at all.i've been like this since i was 15.just be careful coz not all of them have the right intentions.xx

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well, im not trying to be a big head or anything because i am still growing up but the experiences ive had in my life means i dont get along very well with guys my own age and even sometimes girls because they havent had similar experiences but the ones who have i always get along with

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dont worry, your not the only one im also 16 and i find guys my age are way too immature and some are really driven because theyre new to the whole thing.

im always attracted to older guys actually the boyf i got now is a bit older

 

That's cool. I can understand being turned off by the immaturity of alot of guys your age. So maybe you could find someone a couple years older. But when a 16 year old girl is chasing a 40 year old guy, I have to ask myself if she's not trying to compensation for having a poor relationship with her father.

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there probably is something to the train of thought that younger girls that go for older guys are subconsciously looking for a father figure, but we always have to be careful of generalising - some younger girls are just attracted to older guys for no other reason than that they are - we're all wired differently, which what keeps life from getting boring, i s'pose For me, i'm 38, in the last 5 years the oldest girlfriend i've been with was 21. Admittedly, i do work in a bar, and all the staff i work with and interact with socially are mainly 18-24 or thereabouts, so that has a lot to do with it, but some of the girls i've dated have had good relationships with their pa, others not - i don't think you can target that one factor as the reason some younger girls like older guys- i may be totally wrong, but yhose are my thoughts on the subject, for what it's worth

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I'm certainly not generalising about all girls who go after older guys. Everyone is different. But it's a question that I would have to ask.

 

Also, do you think these girls that you date are into you because you are an older guy? Or is it just because they have spent time with you and grew to like you as a person.

 

There is a difference between someone who is open to a relationship with an older guy if they get along, and a girl who can ONLY have meaningful relationships with guys twice their age.

 

Also, you're not that old. I think that for a girl in her early twenties, any guy under 40 is fair game. People in their 20's and 30's are close enough in age to be able to relate on the same page. Especially if the girl is independent of her parents.

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Don't do anything about it now. Wait until you are 18. By then you will have either gotten over it and the guys who are your age will be older (obviously) and more mature OR you may still be interested in older men, but at least it will be legal for you to persue it. If you try and do something about it now, these men you are after can get into a lot of trouble. Most should have enough sense to leave you alone.

 

16 is a bad age. You are so unsure of what's going on. You start to have feelings for the opposite sex and it's confusing. Just wait it out and see how you feel later. In the mean time, get to know the guys your age (or even a little bit older- 18 & 19) and you might be surprised at the maturity level of SOME of them.

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16 is indeed a bad age.

 

Most of the people you look to for advice on growing up do NOT want you to grow up and go out of their way to keep you in the dark. The ones who wish they could treat you like a grownup but are cautious and sensible do their best to ignore you. The only ones that will approach you for sex or a relationship are those reckless enough to disregard the social and legal consequences, and those people are also reckless enough to hurt you in all sorts of ways.

 

Too bad you can't go into stasis until your 18th birthday. You'll just have to grin and bear it for two more years.

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  • 1 year later...

I know I have a poor relationship with my father, and that may be why I often fall for older men... I'm not saying like 50, but more 20-30 something. I'm 18, and either way, nothing changes why I am so predisposed to fall for these guys. I suppose throughout my life I have always been in with the older crowd. In elementary school I hung out a lot with eighth grade girls who thought I was cute, and my friend whose brother was in 8th also helped me learn about things that I probably shouldn't have learned at that age; in high school for the first three years I hung out with students older than me until they graduated, and recently I just fell for a guy 4 years older. I didn't want to, but I couldn't help the strong feelings I felt for him. I ended up blowing it up in my face, persuing him too much. Then I fell for my supervisor at work, who showed similar qualities to the previous guy, although he was much older. I didn't tell him anything though, but whenever he would commend me for doing a great job, like "check you out!" or "That's my girl!," inside I was a tempest of emotions crying, "Yes! Check me out!" or "You have no idea how much I want to be!" I thought he might have felt something for me because of these comments, due to Emotion taking over me, but I tried to have my Reason keep it in check, and so I remained diffident on the matter, and kept reminding myself that our relationship was purely professional and that he probably felt nothing else. Today I learned my Reason was right; he has a daughter, which somewhat broke my heart, because he was probably married, but it also wowed me. I thought, how the hell did I fall for a guy whose old enough to have a kid!? I know some people have said and think a 16 year old could possibly be fine for a 30 year old, but if you put it in perspective, that would be like me wanting a 13 year old guy, and that just isn't happening. Just as the 16 year old girl wants someone more mature, I'm, sure the older guy is the same way, and he could get that maturity much easier from someone his own age, or at least 18. One should definitely wait until the relationship is legal, but despite all the barriers with maturity and age or whatnot that can keep an older person from liking the younger one back, the younger one is still human, and is going to feel the pangs of unrequited love. Probably it's best that I didn't end up with these guys. With the circumstances, I really don't see where it could have gone... but, in the end, I still have feelings for them, somehow, and it slightly hurts. I guess I'm just really lonely, maybe.

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