Emotional Baggage from Divorce

How can one deal with emotional baggage from a divorce that is affecting their current relationship? I have been dating a wonderful man for a little over 6 months now. He had recently divorced - he and his wife of two years had been separated for 6 months before he asked me out and his divorce was finalized. Prior to Christmas vacation, things were wonderful. We spent most of our free time together, we had long conversations about our expectations out of life, and he showed a great deal of affection towards me, sending flowers and romantic cards/notes/emails. When he returned from Christmas, the first few days were fine and then he started acting strange. It started with him asking me where I thought our relationship was going and it all went downhill from there. A few days later he told me that he has found us slipping into a "domestic routine" that is making him nervous. I asked him point blank if he was having second thoughts about our relationship and he told me not really, he was just having a hard time coping with the fact that he was divorced and spending the holidays at his parents alone for the first time in several years. A lot of his relatives had not seen him since the divorce and they wanted details so he was forced to relive it over vacation. Here we are three months later and he is still acting differently. I long to go back to how it was before Christmas vacation when everything seemed so perfect. There are days when he is very affectionate and then there are days when he is extremely reserved. We went from spending nearly every day together to spending one day during the week and the weekends together. He still calls every day and he stops in to see me at work on M-W-F when we work in the same building, but things have changed. I have been attracted to this man since the moment I met him three years ago and never in my wildest dreams would I have ever imagined that I would actually have him as my own. I don't want to give up on this relationship, but I don't know what to do about this. Any advice, information, etc would be greatly appreciated!

Thank you

Nikki

Hi Nikki,

First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us with your questions. I am sorry to hear that things don't go like you have planned right now. I understand that you are going through a lot of trouble.

I don't have really good experience with a divorced woman I dated. Afterwards it turned out that I got trapped in a rebound relationship. I hope that this is not the case with the relationship that you are in. Everything seemed to be ducky at first, but then for me things also went downhill.

I strongly recommend you that you start to communicate your concerns with this man. My suggestion is that you tell him how you feel exactly and why. Ask him if it would be possible for him to tell you why he is feeling this way exactly and try to put his feelings into words. That seems to be the key to a solution for you for this moment. As soon as he has done that, at least you have a clearer view on things and you can take things from there.

I hope that this helped you a little and wish you good luck for the coming period.

~ SwingFox ~