HELP!! relationship at the end of the tunnel!!

(btw sorry for the overly long size of this)

Hello everyone,

I am in need of help. And would like to say im 18 (male, freshman in college) my GF(steph) is (17, junior in H.S.). weve been going out now for 6 months, we met at work and still work there. And just recently she dropped the bomb shell on me that she doesnt want to go out anymore yet wants to be friends. I was emotionally destroyed and found it funny how after they rip your guts out they want to be friends. Anyway the past few days have been hell and research in a neat package basically she told me she didnt wanna have a boyfriend yet be my friend but i convinced her to keep it together. Next day she said the same thing, i was excited since i thoguht it was ok and yet again destroyed by this, but again i talked her into staying with me andi thoguht ok this will be fine. Next day she again tells me she doesnt wanna be with me (OH MY GOD) so needless to say im sick of this game or sherade.

For you to all bettr understand this let me take you back in time. Everything was good at the start we saw each other alot but our personalities were different, she was very outgoing and went places all the time didnt like to be home, rather on the go and the biggest thing she liked to be with the guys she has alot of guy friends this has been my biggest issue but that didnt rise till a month ago. I on the other hand am a shy quiet person who plays on the computer alot and am trying to do good in school. About a month ago our communication and seeing each other levels plummited, needless to say i was very concerned and confronted her but she kept telling me she was busy, come to find out she was hanging out alot with a friend chris, an old boyfriend she had at least 5 i think, she is hanging with him because she likes his mustang and so forth, i try to believe this and even falsy accused her of cheating (bad on my end) i have a severe trust issue iv been trying to work with i believe its my paranoia since she is one of those girls youd never think youd get.

Anyway so after a while i got over chris and so forth. This whole time pestering my friend about my issues and him telling me i have a severe paranoia and pessimism issue and dont think things through logically (true but didnt realize it then). Mind all of you i love hr very very much she is my first GF so maybe that has something to do with it and im her 5th or 6th. Her junior prom is also coming up adding a big issue. More recently she has been talking to another guy rob form work he is like me but somewhat suicidal, i thought i need not fear him accept he was spending some time with my GF. Now my paranoia is working overtime and long story short thats been a problem.

Back to now, well the 3 i thoguht it was fixed but it wasnt issues this week have been a culmination of issues. I have a major trust issue but had a big talk i think the first or 2nd fix that i would fix my issues and let it go. But she kept telling me she just didnt want to have a boyfriend and after some anger involved conversation since i was very upset at the time, she has a two problems that have contributed to where she is now, first, she avoids conflicts, she has been doing it for a while she goes out of her way to avoid conflict and fixing issues. second the bigger issue she doesnt want to change (i was devastated after hearing this) because change is what makes a relationship work. Then on the 2nd fix i convinced her that if she would try and change i would try and trust her and if that didnt work out i would be friends. Next day she says she thinks we wont work out and wont even give it a try. Now im of course rather infuriated and did something bad by leaking my anger on to her. And confronted her with her problems saying this has been killing ur past relationships and will likely do so to your future ones. she cried but i felt i needed to show her what she was running away from. Anyway so now im in a real jam, should i try for round 4? should i be her friend? now the friend issue is this apparently she says still loves me dearly even after 3 rounds of venting massive anger. I love her too but the thoguht of her being with another guy kills me especially to the prom because prom night usually leads to sex and i would be infuriated. But she said she wouldnt have any boyfriend at all and just take her friends to the prom. But that contradicts what she tld me not long earlier that her best friend is taking another guy at work Brian but he wont guy unless rob goes and rob would go with steph.

OK iv been talking alot now, and i need some help. i know i seem horrible and all but we love each other but she wont change and i want her so bad. what should i do? be her friend and hope she comes back? try and push for going to the prom? life just isnt fair sometimes but iv also been thinking u never always get what you want in life and take it day by day. recently iv been going through all the traditional emotions, rage, anger, sadness, depression and suicide. But have been keeping them under control in light of hope or some good thing, and have been thinking wisely about the whole issue. So what should i do?!

further more id like to add yesterday at workone of my supervisors yelled at my girlfriend since we both worked together the day afyer the 2nd i like u i hate you thing, my supervisor saw through my im feeling sick lie and yelled at steph, this may have had some effects there, but now i also have work to conetend with o joy

Hi Thrawn,

What really stuck out to me in your post is that your girlfriend isn't willing to/ doesn't want to change. Change is a very natural part of a relationship. As people change over time, so do relationships. Either you grow together or you grow apart. It seems the she has made her feelings evident (though I don't think your boss should have gotten involved, sort of unprofessional), when she played her "friend" card the third time. I think you 2 have had some issues in your past that haven't fully been resolved, and those, added her "plummeting" feelings and communication, well, like I said, I think she has stated her feelings, or lack there of.

Now about your last paragraph of the long post: You have the right idea man, it may feel bleak now, but just take things as they come, one day at a time. Remember, you're 18; there's a whole lot of life ahead of you.

Hey there...

That's a tough situation cos I know you really love her but looking in, the truth is that she's not putting in what 2 ppl need to do to make something work. A relationsihp works two ways right? You're giving a lot and you can't quite say she totally is. I also know you might think she's 'the one' for you no matter how she acts now you love her too much to see that she may not be...The thing is, you never really know if someone is the right presonf or you..And somtimes it takes 1 gf, or a couple to realize what a relationship means to you and all that sort of thing...But the important thing is that the two of you feel the same way...You are 18 and though it may seem hard to move on, it might be the best thing to do at the moment. You've done a lot of the chasing, sometimes when you give yourself a breather and get your mind off her by keeping yourself occupied, she'll realize in time what she lost! Don't give up hope either...some couples sometimes get back together too you know? I definitely agree with you that she should try changing her habits cos its undersetable why you felt she may not have been completely trustworthy...But in the mean time, go out with your friends, keep occupied, kay?

Thx guys for the replies. Yes i will try and move on but its just so hard with the mix of emotions and all. Well about rob she keeps denying recently there is anything between them or she is going out with any guy i want to trust her so bad yet i want to move on so i just will move on and hope she will want to get back together with me. Iv been getting help with my friends and trying to move on yes but she keeps reoccurring in my mind like a nightmare of some sort, lol. But i am trying slowly but surely. But like i said its hard to just give up and move on, why i am going to try and be her friend granted its hard but its worth a shot so i wont go "what if" later. thx guys.