Still having those lost hopes..but why?

I know that i have posted alot of things about my feelings of my ex and how i am going about my life. but im still having this feeling that im still at fault here. knowing all of this has impacted alot on my life it just seems that maybe life in itself together is just more complexed than we try to percive it to be. all of this just makes a strain on everything i try to do as in finding that girl. that one and only and no other. it just looks that everywhere i turn to i see nothing but love everywhere. and then when someone is having problems they come to me and dont get me wrong i like to help everyone that i can. and i dont understand how i go out of my own way for everyone else and not helping myself with my problems. ive done that most of my life it just seems i rather help everyone else than myself. does that seem strange to anyone? every time i go to a party on the weekends i am just there to scope around. but for what? i just seem to be lost and every direction that i should be able to know. and i walk around aimlessly and just end up at square one with no clue of what is happening to me. i have random thought going through my head and just makes it hurt, i lay there wondering if i will ever get back up, and breathe heavy like if im losing air. it just those feelings that keep me from opening up to anyone. i had a girl at a party and tried to get to open up. but i didnt because i knew she wasnt going to listen what i had to say. she was not all there (if you know waht i mean) and just to say everything that comes from your heart, just to turn around and know she doesnt care. she was just interested in what i could give sexually. i dont need that. sleeping around like my ex has been doing is not something i want. following in her footsteps is not my best course of action. im not like that, and thats just how i was brought up when i was in foster care. to always have a good heart and give what you can to a woman that she's never felt before. to me i dont know if im too sweet of a guy of just not being sweet enough. i feel back in that confused state again. it's been like that for about 3 weeks now since i broke off all my ties with my ex. but why the relapse now? why does it have to be that my head hurts and i have to take my mind off of it? im getting to to point that im just really sick of it all. i dont want to bother with all the events and just get the hell out of here quick. maybe im just geting restless and i need to just vent out everything. i dont know and im not sure. later guys.

It seems to me your looking too hard too early. As you've written, it's only been 3 weeks since you've decided to finally let go, and that letting go process should take more than 3 weeks. Your obviously still in a lot of pain, and I think you prolly need to take a while out from sexual and romantic relationships until you've properly healed. Maybe it's time to just be a single person for a few months, not putting priority on forming romantic relationships for a while

well tears of a dragon...it wont be easy.

YOu must stop holding yourself as the blame, because you are NOT at fault for what went wrong in the relationship. Sure, we all do contribute to the breakup, but its both parties that contrubute for the most part. It didnt work out, but dont blame yourself for past mistakes, over and over again. You have got to live, and let go sweety...

I too always look around and see love everywhere, and you will also, that is because its what you long for. I want a new car...a Jaguar specifically, and everyday, I see thosands of cars, but the only one i notice is a Sweet Jaguar thats got rims that will blind you...haha...(just a little humor)

PPL come to you, because you care, and have a huge heart to share your innermost feelings which comforts them in their situation. Thats a blessing,...keep doing it, you will ultimately gain favour and reward from God by doing so...in due time. You are helping yourself, by helping others, as you are becoming molded into a TRUE, compassionate gentleman.,...the type that is rare and quite hard to find for some lucky girl...

Its ok for girls to pass you up, or not "connect",...dont worry bout that, sweety, because they are not your equal. They look for different things in guys, but when the right one comes along, she will be intune with your finer qualities, that beautiful and caring heart, your tenderness, and the compassion you have for others, and she will appreciate you, because you two will be refelections of each other..soulmates. YOu just hafta be patient and let it unfold...which will take awhile, as you do have healing to go thru...its a cycle of life, and regardless of how we look at it...we must let it live out its course...

dont follow your X´s footsteps, make and follow your own path in life.

YOu wer fortunate in the home you was brought up in foster care, and it reflects in the way you speak on this forum...but dont ever stop being sweet, or the way you are. Dont let the fact that you are alone put you in a state of confusion. Its perfectly normal, and you are truly a blessed gentleman. Trust me on that one...

Everybody goes thru relapses when they are overcoming an obstacle in life, and you and I are no different. This is not the first, nor will it be the last relapse you will encounter. This is a time period where your strength is tested. NOW that you are aware, you must use all the knowledge you´ve gained, everything you know that needs to be done to move forward,...(things that went wrong, guidance from others, and u knowing what lies in your best interest, and that the future hold a promise for you thats bright and fulfiling) use your knowledge as a tool and crutch to help you get past the recurring pain, (because it will happen) and "limp" (if u must) forward...

its good to vent...as it moves us forward and closer to recovery with each deep breath of relief we take ...

cookies

Hello Tears ..

My Dad always told me that when I went through dark times, it was okay

to lie down and bleed awhile, in a manner of speaking, so long as I always eventually got back up. That helped me. I've learned that for

every dark valley in my life, I eventually climbed out on the other side into the light and things were okay again. The peaks and valleys of life can be inordinately painful, but ultimately necessary in order to grow.

I agree with Cookies, I too think you have a huge heart, and I think it's wonderful that you are there for so many others. As hard as it is, trust that when it is time for you to fall in love with that special someone, it will happen, and I'm willing to bet that it won't take much effort on your part for it to happen. If you can, try to put energy and focus into other things which give you life right now, and live life to the fullest. Love can be grand, but it's not the be-all, end-all of life. That's the beauty of life; opportunites, so many of them, are there for the taking, if only we reach out and grab them. God Bless.