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Thread: European Man...help!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2003

    European Man...help!

    Let me start by saying that I am a 31 year old recently widowed woman. I lost my husband last year to cancer. One night I was at a country club and met a guy there. It took us all night to finally ask each other to dance but when we finally did...it was magic. We lit up the dance floor. The attractions were so strong. Everything was wonderful after that. We have seen each other every day and every night for the last 5 months. Only now...things have changed. In January, his knee got bad and he had to leave work temporarily. He has been off ever since but should be going back in the next couple weeks since he has already had his laser surgury. During the time he was off...he change drastically. He became depressed and lazy. My Valentines Day, it was only getting worse. At one point we we were planning on moving in together as we both own our home only mine is paid off and the plan was to have him move in with me and rent his home. We spent three weekends painting his home to get it ready for rental for him to move in with me in May. Now during all of this, I was beginning to get a little impatient and starting to wonder about his feelings for me. I got kinda pushy I guess but I ended up scaring him by asking him to admit his feelings for me. He no longer wants to move in in May but not saying he will not move in with me at all...just not at that time. But now...this is where is gets ugly. He used to dote on me...call me all the time and I in return did everything for him. He has not been able to tell me how he feels about me at all and now it is me contantly persuing him. He says bad things to me knowing I do not want to hear it and yet there are times where he is very close to me. It is almost like he is masking his feelings for me and will not admit to them. I know his relationships have never been very good in the past but I told him to not to put me in the same category as his ex's. One minute he is telling me what I want to hear and then the next he saying something bad to me (almost like he is putting me in my place again). He will not tell me how he feels about me at all. When I try to talk to him about my feelings...he tells me to stop whining. He comes over to my house when he wants even if I say I would like him to come over a little earlier. If a hockey game is on, I get put on the back burner. The funny thing is...after all this bad treatment...I still feel that there is something there and that he will come around when he is feeling comfortable enough with me. I don't know what to do anymore. I reallly want this relationship to go a step further even if it just means him telling me nice things and making me feel good and confident. I have tried to talk to him but when I start to talk to him about this stuff...a wall goes up between him and I. When I ask him if he just needs space he says no. When I ask him if he wants to end it he says no. He is actually waiting for me to end it. I think that is why he is treating me so badly. But then again...it is all a big test to him to see how much i can take. Please help!

  2. #2
    Member TearsofaDragon20's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Buffalo NY
    it seems that the relationship is unhealthy. i mean do you really want that? if you do then i dont know what advice to give you there. but if not then either let him know you wont put up with it or get out of the relationship. it's not worth having someone say bad stuff about you and then you run back to him when he is done. it seems he is just going about and saying those things and then when he sees that he wants you he acts nice. now my mother went through things like that and she ended up getting beaten when she didnt put up with it. and she knew that she had to get out of things like that. im not saying he will hit you, but why put up with the abuse when you as a woman, dont need it. i hope that you sit down and think and then sit down with him and set him on a path that he needs to adapt to or he he might just keep doing it to you and you dont need to put up with it.

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