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About two weeks ago my gf told me that she didn't want to be with me anymore. She said that she doesn't think she was ever in love with me. But the whole time we were together everything seemed perfect. She didn't act out of the ordinary. We were always affectionate with each other. We talked and did normal things couples do. Went shopping together and brought things for the apartment. I never had a clue things were brewing in her head. Once in awhile it would look like something was bothering her, I always asked if she was ok and if she was happy with me, and always the same answer came from her, " I am fine." I try getting her to talk to me , but nothing, she always told me she was OK. All of a sudden she tells me she is not in love with me and can't be with me. She told me was has been feeling like this for a long and the reason she didn't tell was not to hurt me. Am I wrong in being really, really MAD at her? I asked her all the time if something was wrong, she had many, many opportunities to tell me what was on her mind. I can't get over the shock that she was never in love with me. I can't get over the fact that I asked her all the time if something was wrong and when i finally gave in and trusted that everything was fine she tells me other wise. Can someone explain to me what they feel I did wrong?

--Virgo[/b]

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It takes a while for people to figure out what they are thinking and to know what they want.

 

I don't think that you did anything wrong. She didn't handle herself well in the relationship. She lied to you when she said nothing was wrong.

 

I am sorry that you are feeling hurt and frustrated.

 

Get back to your normal activities as quick as you can. Don't feel like you need to blame anyone, it is just the end of a relationship that didn't work out well for you, the next one will, I know it! Just keep a positive outlook on life.

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Sometimes people fear telling the truth especially if they know the truth will hurt someone. They get paralized with fear and can't get past it. That's probably what was happening with your girlfriend. That doesn't make it right - she should have been open and honest the moment she began to question her feelings. She was probably thinking she was protecting you from pain when in reality now, in hindsight, it prolonged the situation and made it harder. Without knowing the whole situation, it's hard to say, but I doubt you did anything wrong.

 

It's so sad that it usually takes something like this to make people realize how important communication is in relationships. Sorry you have to go through this. Don't have much advice, other than to stay strong.

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It seems as though you treated your girlfriend witha great deal of love and respect. This could not have gone unnoticed and likely contributed to her lying to you and saying she was "fine". Having been through several break-ups I can tell you that leaving the nice guys is definitely the hardest. I too would lie for months and say that all was well. However, the reason I lied, and this should help you understand and move on, was that I truly hoped that my feelings would pass. I recognized how lucky I was to have such a great guy, and downed on myself for not being happy. I figured that the longer I put off saying something, the more time my feelings would have to change. Women are titled as emotional, moody beings, and this also comes into play. Sometimes we think our own emotions are betraying or lying to us, and we challange them. You have a right to feel angry and betrayed, but she likely did not lie to you in order to hurt you, but in the hope that telling your the truth would one day be wholly unnecessary. She may very well have hoped that her misgivings were fleeting. Good luck with your recovery.

Celeste

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