For what is right?

I have been a bit confused. The other night I had a dance and my ex boyfriend pulled me away alot ( I had another date ) and one time he was crying. The last time he did this he wanted me to kiss him and I said no so he left angrily and said he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. Now he has hurt me alot during the times I was with him. I know that he was just angry but I havent talked to him for 2 days because I know he would just say sorry and bla bla. I think I deserve better then all that. I love him but even if I was with him again I could not trust him. So I am quite over all this actually and that dance was a wonderful night for me. Still more though.

Yesterday was one month since my break up and I got with my friend and after he drove home last night he called and asked me to be his girlfriend. I do like him, and he is completely wonderful to me, but is it right to be with someone knowing you are not completely over something? He knows I am not over it but still says he thinks he deserves a chance and I think he deserves it too. Yet, the minute my ex finds out he will probably give me hell, and other people probably will too. I am weak against words meant to hurt me. I do not want others to ruin this, and I will not let them. He deserves a chance, and he knows how I feel about my ex, so is it a good idea that I choose to be with him?

Hi Enchanter,

Thank you so much for your update on how you are doing. It pleases me to read that you are doing a little better right now. I am sorry to read though that things haven't been worked out completely, yet.

My advice is that you sit down by yourself and start to be fair to you. Ask yourself how long you would want to wait before it feels 'right' to date someone else. Be honest to yourself and ask yourself if this new guy is not a rebound relationship. If it is, you will end up being hurt very badly. Signs on rebound relationships are: you talking a lot about your ex. and bringing 'him' up to your 'new' guy. You will have to be ready to stop talking about your ex, when you decide to be with your 'new' guy, because it wouldn't be fair to him otherwise. Are you ready for that?

It is of no consequence what your ex things of your new relationship, nor is it anyone else's business. I live by the rule: "The only obligation YOU have in life, is the obligation for YOU to be happy. If YOU are not happy, you cannot make someone else happy." You can always listen to the advice from your friends and those that are close to you, but it doesnt mean that you will have to follow their advice.

Last but not least: there is no need to rush things. You have a lifetime with this new guy.

I hope this helped you and I wish you good luck

~ SwingFox ~

The ex is not over you completely, he is trying to control you and dominate you. He does not love you and he does not make you happy. He makes you unhappy. Or else you would still be with him.

The second guy needs to back off a little too. He has no right to make any demands on your time. You need to step back and figure out who you are for a while, later, when it is according to your heart, not the calendar, you can say yes to him if he is still around. My thought is that he is a rebound type of a person and that he isn't really a stay with one woman type.

The first guy who cried, cries for himself, not for you! Don't be fooled by crockodile tears. My advise to you is that you are too good for them both! Stay on your own until you find the right sort of person. When people you know use their voice or their faces to try and control you, you need to distance yourself from their emotions.

That is why I feel that you need to be alone for some time until you can chose a man for himself rather than just to be with someone new!