need some advice for my 2 friends

dang this is messed up:

i havea good friend whos been going with thsi girl and he tonite he said since she was making him sad everytime he thought about her, i need to find morea bout that but they kind got in a fight and he dumped her, this girl seriously needs him to survive, shes had a hard life and was very happy with him and b/c's shes young she didnt think of it ending. anyway i was talking to both of them right when they broke up, the guy on teh phone the girl on aim and she is pleading with him to take her back, serious depression here, now i know this si right after the breakup and everything and i need to wait and c how things look after time but if any1 can tell me what i can talk to about to eitehr of them to make them feel better now cause they are both feeling the pain huge like and im not sure the girl can take it. i thought th3ey were a great couple and my good friend (the guy) was very happy until just tonight, happier than hes been in awhile. now b/c they are young its most liekly lust than love but they both really did mean it i think b4 when they said they loved each other pleas any ideas are helpful, talking to them both now i dont know what to say on their relasionship and i change the subject as much as i can. what do u think and have u ever been in a situation like this tell me! , please ~ Thanks!!!

Actually, I think we need more information before we can talk:

How old are they?

Why did the guy decide to break up with her?

Any useful thing you know but have not yet mentioned.

If the girl has problems with depression, I think she needs more of a counselor than a boyfriend. She should be able to stand on her own. Wait a minute, what about you? You seem so concerned about her, so why don't you just remain there for her (or organize for some trusted female friends to do so) while this problem is yet to be resolved.

The main issue is: does the boy have a good reason? If so, the only thing you can do is help/encourage/advice the girl to move on, make friends. By all means, if she needs a psychotherapist or has problems relating with her family you can advice her on what to do

Hope this helps a bit. Please venture more info if you can.

Hi Nothingelsematters,

I am pleased to see that you are trying to help these two young people. I am wondering if either of them asked you for help, though. I am not sure about that.

It might be a good idea to reconsider helping them, if they didn't really ask you for help. It's kinda risky to offer help to those that didn't ask for it. They might find you meddling or interfering.

May be something you havent thought of?

~ SwingFox ~

they are highschool age the girls a freshman 14 or 15 and the guys a junior 16. As for reasons he told me that when he thinks of her it makes him sad, he said he loves her but he goes and dumps her just like that, she had a hard past and she talks about it to him and he says he wants to think happy when he thinks of a gf. she is completely devestated and was begging him to take her back like right after he said its just over. he says the sex is good and all but i think that its not good for their relasionship.

she is a nice girl and he thinks shes strong but im not so sure, i sometimes see a little of a dependency not just on him as her bf but she needs people to follow her to feel good. For instance this sad sad girl that hangs out with her is always following her around and will do anything for her. i think it is really hard for her b/c she is very dependant on other people for support even though he says shes very independent, i havent spent as much time with her but i can read people well so that is what i think about her.

for him hes controling same as her almost but more independent, he sees her as a sex toy and doesnt really care about her sometimes i think but then will turn around and be like this girl means soo much to me, one amazing thing that ive seen in him is since he hooked up with her he hasnt really picked up anymore girls and he seems happier. i dunno

Yes i am concerned for her b/c i know her a little and this guy is a very good friend of mine and i know he does care about her. talking to her after he broke it was depressing, i tried to change the subject asking her whats shes doing for spring break n stuff and she tell me dying, that is why im worried about her, she cried for hours tonight and her bitch ass mom came and gave her crap about the noise. to top it off one of her best friends that i wanted her to call to have her come over is someone shes mad at right now. aher otehr good friend lives 2 far away to be here for too long. neway this girl is very unstable atm and im worried about her thats all, im also afraid that if she does something my good friend here will follow her

and im not sure about his reasons yet, im gunna wait till things have cooled down to talk to him about it but im not sure that his reasons are that great, they might even get back together, but i dont c this happining if shes begging him to take her back and hes not goin for it ~ thanks

if u have anymore questions please ask away ill keep u posted on what happens tomorrow etc and thanks for any help.

he talked to me about it a lot like started telling me everything that was going on what she said 2 him n stuff, were good friends so its always like that but i was talking to her 2 and she jsut said i need help n i tol her to call but she said she was crying 2 much to talk, so we jsut typed. that is oen thing im worried about tho whether or not i help or hinder, i want to make sure i dont hinder b4 i get into this more if they ask me 2, for now i will be talking to my friend cause hes my friend and ill be there, whether he likes it or not hes gunna hear from me about this and he will talk to me, i know he will. ill talk to her if she wants me 2 again ~thanks again

I know you're also emotionally involved because he's your friend. I think you should be more of a listener in this situation. Just listen and offer advice (only if asked). All should be well in due course. Just listen, to both of them. Let them speak their minds, that's all. SHe won't do anything stupid if she get's really listened to.

Swingfox and Osewa77 are correct, you dont want to get in the middle of this. you need to let them settle this between them.

Now if your friend is really hurting and asking for help, your still going to need to get a little more information. here is what I got out of all this so far.

1) They both like each other.

2) The both suffer from some kind of depression

3) But your friend is working to get rid of his depression by not dwelling

on it, and doing fun and happy stuff.

4) she is bringing up the past all the time and her depressing feelings are

bringing your friend down. and that hurts him, but it also hurts him to

be away from her.

Both of them are going through some terrible times right now, your friend because he had to breakup with a girl he really likes, and the girl because your friend broke up with her. and both having a pre case of the blues, just magnifies the problem.

I think the only way they could be happy together is if the Girl, can find a way to deal with what was causing her to be depressed, if your friend decides to go back to her, he'll need to explain to her that she needs to get over whats bugging her and to maybe get some counseling, heck maybe he can go with her too, it will show her how much he really cares, and will erase any doubts she may have had as to why he broke up with her the first time.

Most schools have people and/or counselors to help teens that are depressed etc. If your friend really wants to try and make it work, he does have to make the first move though. because he is the one that broke up with her.

good luck, keep us posted.

~ yea they got back together, he really didnt have a good reason to end it. now they look and sound a lot better than even b4 i havent really go the chance to talk to my friend since they mended it (a couble hours ago) but im sure they talked about some of the things htey should of

anyway now i know the girl a lot better than b4 all this which is good cause she has a lot of cool friends. thanks for your advice, again

if any1 has the time to check out my old post im still not sure if i should go after that girl again Thanks, again and later ~