What Happened?????

A little long, but complicated and I would value ANY thoughts on this.... Thanks

I began dating a guy I knew from school last May and I thought we hit it off wonderfully. We always laughed, had a good time, never even fought. He was considerate and sensitive and really treated me well. At first, things were casual, but I always got the impression he was ready something more serious from the way he made such a conscious effort to treat me so considerately. By the end of the summer I had fallen in love with him big time. One night at the end of August we made plans for dinner and a movie rental at my place to just chill and hang out, and he mentioned he wanted to have a talk with me. I didn't get any "bad vibes" from that, 'cause things were still very good between us, and not even that serious yet. He came over for dinner that night and I remembered thinking he was being especially love-y towards me; we even had a hot make-out session in the kitchen while we were doing the dishes. Then he started in with his "talk": he told me he didn't love me, and that he didn't think we should be together anymore. I was completely floored, to say the least. I told him I didn't care if he didn't love me yet, that I felt completely wonderful by everything in the relationship as it was. He said it mattered to him. The whole thing completely crushed me--I cried for hours and stayed pretty much intoxicated that whole weekend. Suffice it to say I grabbed on to the opportunity to see him again when he called and suggested another movie/dinner date at my house about two weeks later. We ended up having sex, even though he kept referring to us as "broken up". I ignored that fact; I was in denial and I was willing to do anything to keep him with me. For about two months after that, my entire life revolved around seeing him, talking to him, and getting him over to my place so we could have sex and I could pretend everything was fine. I can't help feeling he was using me and I don't know what happened to the sweet, considerate guy I had fallen in love with. This continued on till the bitter end, when he got a sudden case of morals and piously told me that sex should be saved for "someone special". I'm still not over this, mainly because I have no idea what happened! What does it mean when a guy makes out with you in one hour, breaks up with you in the next, calls you the next week and suggests dinner and movie, hints at sex with you, then self-righteously calls it "wrong"?? I know it does SOUND like he's a complete A**hole, but then I think back to the guy I knew all that summer and NOTHING MAKES SENSE. The worse part about this is I feel guilty for having sex with him when he treated me so horrible, and I feel stupid and gullible for believing he was a nice guy--Even though I know deep down he IS... I just need to know WHAT happened?!?!?!?

Man I had no idea there were so many heartbroken people out there. I walk around seeing all these smiling faces and think that I am the only one with problems.

*Disclaimer* I have a huge mess of my own right now but I will give you my two cents from a guys perspective...

This sounds like a clear cut example of someone who has taken advantage of a situation. He told you how he felt and you chose to keep things going and even have sex. To you, it was with someone you loved and you should not feel guilty or ashamed about it. It wasn't like you went home with some guy that you didn't know, (although I wouldn't judge you for that either, glass houses and all that ) Don't beat yourself up about this, sometimes people just don't love you back no matter how much you love them. Trust me, there are lots more nice guys out there and you'll find one thats right for you. Chalk this relationship up as another of life little lessons and move on.

Best of luck to you....

When dealing with love, pain is inevitable. There's no way to avoid being hurt badly at some time in your life. You have my truest condolences. You seem to be pretty much blameless in this situation. I hate to see it happen to nice people like yourself.

As for my actual advice, you need to get yourself back together as soon as possible. This guy is bad news. He may have been very nice at one point, but he toyed with you, used you for sex, and didn't stop to think about what it was doing to your sense of self-worth. Move on without looking back. I know just how much it hurts, as I've been heartbroken before. But in retrospect, that heartbreak was the best thing that ever happened to me. All of my current passions and dreams and even my sudden, abrupt desire to hurl myself back into the dating world with renewed vigor came as a result of being torn down and then rebuilt by that experience. Maybe by the end of yours, you'll be left feeling empowered.

I don't know anything about the guy... but I can think of 2 possibilities: 1) he's struggling ethically, he was raised with a set of moral standards and then departed from them. Like me I was raised a christian and had all these strict standards but being a guy I couldn't maintain them, for a long time I struggled going back and forth. I bet lots of people thought I was so messed up. Eventually I left christianity and don't have any problems any more. 2) he is just a player, he's got more than one girl and he chose the other one so he had to get rid of you. Alternately, he may have decided that you aren't his type and so he dumped you.

Either way the guy never really loved you, he was using you. Keep looking! There really are good, decent men out there. Good luck!

i so do agree with juji....as he sayd it just the way i felt...your X toyed with you, but after we are hurt like this, it breaks our hearts down so terribly, we dont think we can find the parts to put them back together...

but somehow we always manage to do so...

There are so many broken hearted ppl in this world, and im glad to be a part of this fourm. Not only can i share my experiences,..i enjoy reaching out to others as well as gain more knowledge myself on a daily basis...

cookiees

I've come a long way in feeling better about everything. I've just had a really hard time dealing with this because the difference in him happened so completely and so fast--I really have no idea what was going on... Initially, it was HIS idea to continue seeing each other, as "friends" . I really don't feel I should be the one held responsible for the mess that ensued--his words were saying "I don't love you" but his actions were the complete opposite. I was just trying to hold onto something good... I just felt I needed some different perspectives on the situation: has something similar to this ever happened to anyone else? I still don't understand it at all, and that's the biggest thing that's holding me back from complete recovery. Thank you to everyone who replied.

what is it the season for men being complete selfish pigs and leaving their women with unanswered questions? I really have no advice.. but I just wanted to say that I feel for you, and I am sorry you are in that situation

best of luck to you!