Going through divoce --this is very long

Hi, my divorce was final December 2nd 2002. I still can't believe it's over. We met back in 1994, went to college together, did everything together. We moved in together I believe in October 1999. I had a total of 2 miscarriages throughout our relationship which he didn't seem to care about, but I just thought it was because he was 2 yrs younger and it was a maturity issue. He also didn't seem in a rush to get married because everytime the subject came up we would end up arguing, but during the summer of 2001 he completely seemed to change his attitude. He started to treat me better, talked about how he wouldn't mind if we had a baby, then the talk of marriage came up and he was like, well lets pick a date. So we evidentially came up with September 29. I kind of was not in the happy we're getting married mood for a while due to 9/11, but when the day came he was so handsome and I was so happy. We were married outside in a park, it was a beautiful day. We went to gatlinburg/pigeon forge, TN for our honeymoon and he was so great to me. I love waterfalls and other beautiful sights like that, he drove me around the Smokeys just to see if we could spot some waterfalls in the mountains, he was always offering to take pictures for me which he did. He woke me from the chalet in the mountains we stayed in when the sun was rising because it was so pretty. He did all these beautiful things. We went and had lunch one day at the Nascar Cafe (he's a nascar fan,) where we got our pictures taken in a photo booth with a heart around it. He seemed so happy. He smiled with me by his side like he had never in the past. I thought I had grown even closer to him on this honeymoon, I thought we had grown closer together, but that wasn't the case. We came back and it was okay for a while, but by the time spring came he started acting strangely. I got a new job in which I worked in the evenings and every Friday night he would stay out until 3am. He never did this before. He started being very rude to me in front of his family and friends. Picking fights for no reason. This was such a shock to me. He just left me one day and filed the next. It was a really sad day in August, we didn't even stay together a year after getting married. He did not try to contact me about the stuff he left behind nothing, he refused counseling, said the therapist would just laugh at us and ask why we got married in the first place. We did talk a week after he left me because I called him. He outright told me I was not good enough for him, but he hadn't been cheating he never cheated, but I have found out differently recently. He went right from our 8 1/2 yr relationship to another one and now lives with some little girl. His family never contacted me to see how I was nothing. They all think they are too good for me. My dad recently had a heart attack in which I know my ex knows and he didn't try to contact me or my family or friends about it. He has turned into a total stranger. I am getting ready to move out of the place we moved into together. Ever since he has left, I still expect to hear his truck pull into the drive, his keys at the door, the sound of his boots on the kitchen floor, and at night I still expect to see him walk down the hall and ask me to turn the tv down a little. I miss his face and his voice, but then again I think about the times his voice had made me ill with his cold words. Even after being apart for over 6 months he still haunts me. If I ever get married again, it better be to someone who takes committment seriously. I had given my ex plenty of chances to get out before we were married, before we had even lived together. I am so sorry this is very long, but finding this site I really felt it was time to express my feelings.

hey it's good to come and express your feelings here, that what this forum is for. i never have been married (im only 20 going on 21 but i wouldnt mind to be married someday.) but i know that what you went through has to be tough. 8 and a half years is a very long time. and what he did was screwed up. it's good to get out all of this so you dont have it all bottled up inside. because it only will make things harder to deal with. but if it's the case he doesnt care at all then just move on. look about going and making your life happy. there no reason to dwell on it. Mr. right is out there and you'll find him. your a free woman now and now the future is out there for you to see. so cheer up, things will get better. it will take time to heal, and that will be a bit hard. but hey the night is young and the days will get brighter. glad to of helped.

The hurt that you are experiencing can be very painful, resentful, and anger driven.

The first thing that you need to accept is that the pain will not go away overnight.

Understand you may never fully understand what happened. Try not to haunt yourself wondering about the reasoning.

Also gain strength in knowing that for him to completely not contact you. His feelings for you are so strong that perhaps he could not handle talking to you or simply being around you.

He does not choose to deal with him possible mistake.

Have a release session.

Sit down and write down all of your bad memories and experience with him and then do the good. When you are finished, read aloud each event. Now write down everything, this is for your benefit.

Afterwards, throw the paper away and yell out, "I commit myself to moving on with my life, I will not live in the past!"

Stick to your new commitment and whenever thoughts of your past relationship arise, don't let them dominate your thoughts.

Focus on other events and start a new hobby, workout routine, or lean on your friends and family more.

The road will be hard. But you will make it.

Waterfall,

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It just reveals your ex-husband's true self, and lack of maturity. You seem to be dealing with it like any normal person would. Be happy you didn't spend one more miserable minute than you had to with him. You are very strong to have been able to get out of it before a lot of time passed.

I agree with the other posters. You may NEVER know the real reasons why he changed, and why he decided to leave. At this point and from here on, it really doesn't matter. Focus on moving forward, growing from the experience and building the kind of life you want. Yes, it will take time to finally get over it. But each day will become a little easier. You have no one to answer to but yourself and you have the power to create the kind of life you want and deserve.

Good luck.

hourglass