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Thread: Can anybody PLEASE advise !!

  1. #1
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    Feb 2003
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    Can anybody PLEASE advise !!

    I would really appreciate some advice. Especially from the women.

    Last year I fell in love with a fantastic girl. At the time, she was with her boyfriend of 5 years. She got interested in me as well and broke up with her guy. We got together and everything was wonderful for 3 months, then one Monday morning, after a wonderful weekend together, she sent me an email to tell me that she wanted to be alone now and still loved her ex, even though she didn't wanted to be with him anymore. I was shattered, had difficulty to sleep and all the other stuff brokenhearted people suffer from. I swallowed my pride and kept on trying but just got shrugged off. I finally excepted it and moved on with my life. We still saw each other regulary because we're both sports persons playing for the same provincial side. Then over the holidays we lost contact for something like 3 months. Then I got an email from her being all friendly and sweet and very interested in what I've been up to, I just answered it back in a kinda rude way (I was still a bit upset). When saw each other again the other day, she kept on staring at me. We didn't speak a word to each other, things are more than strained between us to say the least. She now sent me emails at least once every 2 weeks asking about me, how work is going, what I'm up to, if we can still play tennis mix doubles together etc. She couldn't have cared less for 4 months, why the interest now ?? Her ex moved away and I think is not a big factor anymore. I still have some feelings for her, but am I reading the signals wrong here ?? Should I just let it go ??

    I'll appreciate any advice very much

  2. #2
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    I don't know if I can help you much on this one, but I'll give you my perception of the problem. TAKE IT WITH A BIG, FAT GRAIN OF SALT! I'm decent at reading people and situations, but women are a whole other ballgame.

    She did love her ex, but was getting a bit bored with him. It happens for various reasons. She came to you for a change of pace (this is not to say she had no feelings for you whatsoever). Then, with just as much thought for you as for her ex before, she left you.

    This indicates a serious lack of empathy and a thoughtless demeanor on her part. Honestly, most women don't know what the h e l l they want. Just as men have a special something they liked about all their previous girlfriends, women get something different from each man. When they have a tough time deciding which guy's individual contribution they value more, they have a nasty habit of stepping on everyone's emotional toes.

    Then there's the fact that she came crawling back to you after waiting for a while. This could mean that:

    A. Her gold medal boyfriend left, and she's willing to settle for silver. No way should you have to settle for being her second-best. If you do, she'll just dump you again when something better comes along. As the saying goes, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

    B. She genuinely wants you back because she didn't realize what a good thing she had going. This is obviously better, but she'd better be willing to lay herself out for a good lashing. She caused you a lot of hurt.


    What to do...


    Communication is vital here. You're going to have to swallow your pride and eat the pain in order to get this done. Flat-out tell her that you need to talk with her, and that you don't want her to play her games because they've hurt you enough in the past. Be sure to mention the pain it caused so she doesn't think you're getting mad for petty reasons (it's pretty plain that your reasons aren't petty, but being the bottomless font of empathy she's played herself as - note the sarcasm - it's not worth assuming she'll know). If she skirts the issue, she just revealed that she's either a manipulative she-dog or wants to be "just friends". You don't have to take either one. If she accepts your terms of engagement, it's a good sign that she's genuinely remorseful. Let her know that you're going to be willing to work just as hard as she's going to have to in order to rebuild the bond. Then just talk. You tell her every reason why what she did was painful for you, and she'd better spill out some good reasons for doing that. Perhaps, unbeknownst to you, she found something in YOUR behavior prior to the breakup hurtful. This is how reparations are made.

    If you do get back together, make sure she knows her trust is damaged in your eyes, but that it can be repaired because you're willing to forgive her. She'd better be ready to work for it. If not, she's not worthy of you.

    Sometimes you have to be righteously angry and unwilling to tolerate any B. S. when making compromises. For you, this is one of those times.

    I hope it turns out okay. If not, don't assume all women are like that. We men hate it when women slander us as a whole just because of their bad experiences, right? So don't do it yourself.

    Good luck.

  3. #3
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    I read your posting with great interest. It seems that I am going throught the exact same thing. Exact. SHe just left me for her semi abusive ex, but she knows they will not last. I am devastated as it has been today however everyone knows and says she will regret it and cme back. She has with other people aparently. Sorry to intrude on your topic but I am wondering how you coped with the origonal loss and any advice you have to come to terms with it will be mostly appreciated. If you felt at all what I feel now than you understand.

  4. #4
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    It seems to me that this girl doesn't know what she wants. personally would never trust a girl that would break up with someone to be with me. I would always feel she would do the same to me. she knew she still had feelings for her ex when she broke it off. He probably moved on with his life after she left and when she decided to come back he just wasnt having it. She was probably using you as a rebound or backup. I wouldn't be surprised if she ended up alone just for being greedy. But enough about her. you are the one with the issue. I say if you have the will power unlike most, including myself, then the hell with her she had her chance and she blew it. but if you really have feelings for this girl and you are willing to give her another chance, go for it. Make sure you prepare for anything. She may still be confused. I wish you the best of luck. And from what I hear old wounds do heal.

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  6. #5
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    No offense

    Hey, no offense man, but i think you should really let it go, cuz the way she's treating you is like a cat and mouse game. i think she's really just usin you cuz she was gone, her bf left, then she's comin on strong again. it's best to just let it be. K?


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