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True love in my eyes! and worth fighting to save? You judge.


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I know that this is going to seem like any other heartbreak story. And I dont claim to be special or beter than anyone else, heck I have been heartbroken before, but not like this. And so begins my story...

 

The girl in question is what i believe to be the love of my life ( soul mate).

This girl was the object of my thoughts years befoore we met. I used to see her out and every time i did my heart would skip. I wont bore you with the details however the best way I can describe it is like Ross and Rachel from friends or more so like Daphne and Niles from Frasier....but more so, that is TV and this is real. Isplit up with my girlfriend and about 7 months later we met. It was love frm the beginning fro both of us. weeks into our dating she invited me on a trip to the keys. We were learning to cook gourmet foods together. We did everything and it waws new and exciting. About 8 monthsinto the relationship she asked me to move in. She was telling her friends that she knew I was the one and hed never felt a deeper love. We go to NYC for New Years and my birthday. When we get back everything is wrong. She becomes a bit distant and talk of moving in together not a graat idea. A few days later she recants and everything is good for a while, valentines day is wonderful. Than all of a sudden she has done a complete 180 and says that ...well lets say that everything we built this relationship and she and I were sure about , now she was saying the opposite. But than everything would be good for a few days. Finally I had to confront her about what was going on. She admitted that her ex had been on her mind for a litle while now and even though he was abusive and bad for her ,she was confused why she felt this way and doubting our true love. So 3 days before I am set to move in she asks for space-which I grant. Two days later I move in temporarily until i can find a place of my own. Everythings great again! Than boom the same story. Her feelings for her ex resurface and I am in emotional hell. I was so conflicted on what to do but i felt i had no choice but to leave her. I cant live my life like a YO-YO. Her friends and family know as I do that she is making the biggest mistake of her life. What can I do or say to win her back. Was it a bad idea to leave to begin with? Is this fixble? I truly believe she is the love of my life. I know that I could move on but it cant get any more true that our relationship was before her ex poisoned her mind and my life.... The brutal truth please.

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it seems that she is trying to go on both sides of this. but whats the rule of thumb? you can only be on one side and no have both sides. if you think this is a relationship worth saving then go for it, even go all out. but keep in mind you need to consider what can happen if does not work out as you planned. make ure that you have defences on what your going to do. but be on the offensive and give her the feeling of what you feel inside. and let her know that she either wants you or she can have him. she cannot have both. and that you will not let your life be this way as for that it hurts you and that you cannot live life like that. Pain can kill but making sure that you can move on with life and showing that those scars will heal. i think thats all i can give you at this point message me back on what your thoughts are on what i advised. take care and good luck jon.

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I am being realistic and I realize that this can backfire. I think if she is th elove of my life than I have no choice than to persue it to the finish, whatever the outcome. I know that I made a statement by leaving (yesterday) but if i go back too quickly than she might think I am spineless or wrapped around her finger. On the other hand if I wait any longer he might swoop in for the kill. I dont know if there is a right or wrong awnser here I just am so conflicted as to how to approqach this. I am completely head over heels for her still. Every other relationship I have had I have gotten over but this is such a different pain, a void so unbearable that ....I havent felt this way since my father died and that was well over 12 years ago. Is it a bad idea to "start the hunt"? I want to send roses to her every day, day after day, even if it takes months to get her. I will lay myself on the line wide open in front of the world and beg if i thought it would work. What can I do to get her feelings focused on me again? I did nothing wrong to begin with so it is that muc more unbearable to me. It seems so senseless. Start me a curse of action. Because my mind id made up...I have to go for it.

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I can see how you might be reluctant to make actions at this moment. you should act quick but not too quick. do the hunt by a skill of latter. set yourself to see and what you can do for this situation.when you have seen that you had taken care of one step move to the next step. but be careful not to go too fast or you might slip and hurt even more. but let her know you are there and hat you have faith and hope, and that you want her back. I know that the pain is so wrenching to the point that your body could just shut down and never power up to it's full status. but most people dont see that everyone has a fail safe system. to prevent yourself from going to that point. I remember in middle school and high school i was getting so heart broken i was trying to resort to suicide. But then i realized in my own head that " hey there are things in life we havent seen yet and maybe there is that girl who is waiting for me or that i need to find." But if she is a case where she cant get over her ex then you will have to make a fateful decison to let her go her way. even though it hurts so bad you cant do anything else. but this will be a time to re-evealuate yourself,and also to heal your scars jon. Plus at this point you will need to have time to yourself. Us guys may be tough but even a woman can make us weak and even weaker when they take our hearts from us. reply back jon and see what you may want to do.

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you and her need to sit down and talk. sort things out. dont do spurratic things that might damage things further. i dont know, it might do you some good after all but no one can be the judge of that. just take it one step at a time just talk let her go first and you listen and then put your imput on it. dont have any expectations because then you could get hurt even worse. just plan this out, talk, set up a time where you two can be alone to discuss things out. No one can judge fate, fate and you only can judge them selfs.

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Let me ask you this. Do you honestly do love her. In our lives, we all want to be with someone that makes us feel special and then later on you lost that feeling for that person. You believe that she is the love of your life and that truly love her then do it. I know that you in the process you might get hurt really bad. But if you don't try, you won't know. Ask yourself this is it worth? You can weight the good and bad for yourself because only you would know how you feel about her. In my situation, I have really mess up and that hurt her really bad because I was not being honest with her. I lost her trust. I truly believe in my heart that I want to be with her for the rest of my live. So I am going to go for it all and that I will show her my love with action and patience. I will give her space. I know is going to be hard, but who said love is going to be easy. I hope I gave some insight about ur problem.

 

jl301

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hello my friend...i know how you feel..it is a very painfull situation when a girl tells you that shee needs time and space and you know that she has somebody else on her mind...my ex tolled me the same thing that she needs time and space and than i figured out that she is still in touch with that new guy....now i broke up because i couldn't handle it any more..the pain is to big not to trust her..to know when she is with you she thinks about him, too.....i don't know if she tryies to espace and tells you that she needs time and space...i think that they just think that whay they don't nkow what they want where they are how thay feel...if you go to fast back...if you open you sould and your heart totaly you might do a big mistage my friend....if a girl really loves you she will do that step 1 week...5weeks 2months after it ....really love is really strong...do not rush try to stay cool

 

stillthere

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I've read your posts with interest. I was left by my girlfriend of 5 years late last year...I am convinced that we are meant to be together. However, I've realised that if this is the case, then we can't force it to happen - she has to realise in herself..and if she doesn't then it won't work.

 

I am thereforeeeeeee giving her space and letting her contact me when she wants. There's no point in chasing a woman if she's made her mind up to do something else. Don't lose contact with her, but don't try to force her either. Love is something which you can't force...give her space, make sure she knows you are there if she wants you.

 

There is no need to call/email her - if she wants to get in touch with you then she will...the best thing to do is to look as if you are walking away and getting on with life...that might sound odd, but it will make her think about what she has done. If you are permanently there for her, then there is no need for her to come back to you quickly. Make her realise what she is missing by being happy and getting on with your life - that will make you far more attractive than being miserable and chasing her will.

 

Hope this doesn't sound like harsh advice, but it is really what I think..and what I'm doing myself to try to rescue my relationship...

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Well guys so much has happened. Her boss who is a huge supportrt of me filled me in on the office gossip. It is good to know that there are people out there that care and can emathize. I realize now what I probable knew all along. I cant force the situation. If she loves me than she will realize what she has done and come back. If not than it was all an illusion. I am mostly upset with myself for getting into this situation. I never realized that females could be so manipulative and shallow. The reason for my change of heart: I did write her that letter and told her all I could so she could make a sound decision. Thats all I could do. She lives about a mile from me so this morning I drove by (against my better judgement) but I needed closure. My rationale was that if I see it with my own eyes than it will help me to let go. She wasn't there. This was at 7 this mornng. I knew that it was either that she went to her moms in Lauderdale or is with him. Well I couldnt go to lauderdale (other coast of Florida.) so I decided to find where he lives. I knew the community he lived in and took a stroll........Her car was there clear as day. Now gentlemen I only recommend this method of closure if you are strong enough for the reality that will consume you when you see something like this. It was devastating for about an hour. But now I strangely feel at peace a little. In other words I would rather feel like this than I would be otherwise if I didn't know the truth. My heart is still broken but at least I can move on from here. I am only sad that it is without her. Please give me your thoughts on this because this might me my biggest time of need. Thank you to everyone who supported.

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Wow....I think you were quite brave to do what you did.

 

But remember that just because she is with him now, doesn't mean she won't come back to you. I know how easy it is to be devastated when you know they've found someone else, but that doesn't mean they don't still have feelings for you.

 

It is good if you can get closure this way, but equally you should realise that after the initial infatuation passes you might just find her coming back to you...as long as you don't chase her away...

 

Still, if you think you've got closure then that is great news!

 

Good luck

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I am sorry to hear that you had to see that but also happy for you that you got to see with your own eyes that what's done is done. There's always a life past her and you are back on that trail where you find that one in a million. till then jon just keep your mind busy and dont dwell on it it's not a good thing to do. i just found out the truth why my ex girlfriend left me. i had to find the truth from her friends (that are friends of mine since i met them before i met her). now thats a bomb to be dropped on you when you find the actual truth from someone else rather than her. Im glad to of been a help and will always be here to help, as well as others on here. hang in there jon, you will find that special woman out there.

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hello there...

 

did you reasd dome of my stories...my ex was telling me she needs space and time but in fact she was with him, too....she was telling me how busy she is and how her school is killing her in fact she was talking to him on the phone more than to me...that's ok now there is no me anymore....but she called me last saturday around 3am, because she heeard my voice under her window (my friends live in the sam building that's why i was there with hem) probably she is having a hard time going over me...so you will see sooner or later if you don't contact her she is going to contact you but all i can tell you is be smart and don't let her get you so easy..

 

take care

 

stillthere

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